The Lineup
B.I.R. Column Of Fame
Man of Steel... Wood... and Mud: Bear Grylls
Rock Legend: Tom Morello

League Gods: The Emperor and Alfie

Str-8 Shoota: Malcolm X

Str-8 Shoota: Zack de la Rocha

Super Bad mofo's

Comrade Hillary

Wednesday, August 31, 2005

Oh the Poor Buggers! 

Jaded All Blacks need to lift one more time

31.08.05 1.00pm
By Daniel Gilhooly

The All Blacks forwards have one more big rugby test in them, says assistant coach Steve Hansen, calling for another strongarm performance against Australia in Auckland on Saturday before enjoying a month's rest...
About 4 weeks ago they were complaining about being underdone after they produced a loose performance v South Africa because they had just had 27 days without a game.

They then play Aussie in Sydney and win easily against a shit side who they routed up front.

They then have another 13 days off before playing South Africa.

And now they need another rest for a month because they are playing two games in two weeks.

They must be absolutely knackered and in sore need of their second month off from playing rugby out of the last three or so months.

Who exactly is jaded?
At the most our forwards of Hayman, Mealamu, Woodcock, Mccaw, Jack, Williams, Collins and So'oialo have only had seven games in the last 12 weeks. It's more like 5 or 6 for most of them plus they have almost all been subbed off at stages.

Collins is having an early rest and being replaced by Lauaki who has started twice in 3 months. He must be really exhausted.

Our backs have been a merry-go-round with players coming and going through injury or 'retirement' (Marshall).

Give me a break guys. The rest of the article really is a sob story that beggars belief.

I admit that the forwards should take some time off because they will have the meaty end of the NPC (probably), because they will need to be physically and mentally fresh for the Northern hemisphere tour. But jaded? Give me a break.

Assuming they played every super 12 match plus semi and final and every test to date, and played the last 3 NPC round games plus the semis and final and all the end of year tour games it comes to 29 competition games. But fact is several have missed plenty through injury, non-selection or their team not making the Super 12 playoffs.

So it'll be more like 20-25 for most of them.

Which is what any rugby player in New Zealand gets through in about half the period of time for nothing but a few bumps and bruises.

Tuesday, August 30, 2005

It's The Vibe! 

Don Brash has sudenly become an expert in the meaning and significance of the treaty which must be just delightful for him and the jump on a racist bandwagon followers he's shooting for.

I feel like saying that the meaning of the treaty is really all about the vibe, but suspect I'd get a similar response to that which they got in The Castle film. You know tha Aussie one about the family living next to the airport.


Treaty doesn't mean partnership, says Brash
30.08.05 1.00pm
The Treaty of Waitangi does not create a partnership with a separate people, National's leader Don Brash said today.
Like it or not mate, they were separate at the time and in order to survive culturally they will need to remain separate in many ways today. They signed the treaty so that they would have protection and rights but it was protection of their culture and rights to guarantee they could maintain their culture. Not protection from other Maori fullas and rights to act like white fullas. The Queen agreed to protect Maori people and I fail to see how subsuming them into the larger culture is protecting them. It opens the way for a massive amount of compensation further down the track if Maori people and Maori culture are harmed in anyway.

Dr Brash has returned to race relations as a key issue for his party as the election approaches, and yesterday gave a speech in Whangarei similar to the one he delivered in Orewa early last year.

The Orewa speech gave National a big boost in the polls, and Dr Brash is hoping he can create that impact again.
Well, you may as well go for the bigot vote that you may have missed last time I suppose.

He is now being accused of running a negative agenda and wanting to knock back Maori, but Dr Brash denied that today.

He said the treaty was a fundamental document that said every New Zealander had to be treated equally.

Dr Brash said he based his case on article three of the treaty, which said every New Zealander had the rights and privileges of British subjects.
I'm sorry? Every what? I don't think Maori were "New Zealanders" at the time of the signing, nor knew anything about the place.

"I do not think it creates a partnership. I do not think it creates a separate people with whom the Crown has to negotiate stuff," he said on National Radio.

"Every New Zealander has a right to be consulted when their rights are affected, but it's totally unclear from the treaty whether Maori have different rights from others."
No Don, it is TOTALLY CLEAR from the treaty that Maori DO (that's DO with big fucken letters) have different rights from others.

In case you only read article three Don, allow me to point you to article two where Maori are guaranteed full or entire chieftainship over their lands. Remember folks, that's THEIR lands. Also remember that somebody stole dose der lands and chased them injuns into dem der hills. And Imagine if I was granted full or entire cheiftainship over my own land! Fuck council zoning laws!!! I'm building a Casino under the house!!!! But alas, I didn't sign the treaty.

Dr Brash's interpretation of the treaty, and National's bottom-line policy to abolish the Maori seats in Parliament, has ruled out any post-election deal with the Maori Party.

Maori Party candidate Hone Harawira yesterday likened National's policies with those of Hitler.

"Hitler had plans for Jews. Pauline Hanson had similar plans for the Aboriginal people of Australia. Don Brash wants Maori to be subsumed within the larger culture of this country and to become 'one people'," he said.

Maori Party co-leader Tariana Turia said Dr Brash's speech was the last straw.

"Our people have just become sick to death of this whole Maori-bashing attitude from Dr Brash," she said.

"His further foray against the treaty has just triggered a huge amount of resentment, and we've been asked not to even consider supporting them.

"That's exactly what we're going to do. We will actively work against them."
Good to see Nationals plans will bring both sides together so beautifully.

Dr Brash today reiterated National's determination to settle all treaty claims by 2010, a target Labour says is impossible.

"I'm prepared to commit whatever it takes to get this process finished," Dr Brash said.
You'll probably need to commit about ten times more than "whatever it takes" to even get near 2010. It ain't going to happen so take your empty promises and place them gently up your rectum where they belong. Or you could just ram them there real hard!

"The interminable delay in settling treaty grievances is intolerable for New Zealanders".
Well for some voters it is. But I couldn't give a fuck when it ends. The money being dished out is a pittance in the overall scheme of things and much of it is being put to very good use.

Cos' you know. When you fall off that ladder putting up the National Party billboard and wind up wasting my tax payers money in hospital, I'll let you off. Nevermind that you as a cripple now have acess to money that I don't. Where's the "one New Zealander", "every New Zealander treated equally" now fucker?!

Labour's Race Relations Minister, Trevor Mallard, says Maori are getting ahead under government policies and are contributing to New Zealand economically and socially.

"National just wants to knock them back."
Thanks Trev. You tell the Fourth Reich.

Who fucking cares how long it takes?

Your average Joe Blogs doesn't know if there have been 3 cases settled or 23 settled and probably even less of an idea how many are still to be settled or what they involve.

The billboard I wanted to make ages ago 

Thanks to the good people at this site, everyone can be a national party artist nowadays. Which allowed me to make this:

Monday, August 29, 2005

Is It Just Me 

Is it just me or is this headline possibly bullshit?

Tax greatest concern to voters says poll
29.08.05 1.00pm
Tax 22.5%
Health 17.8%
Education 9.3%
Law and Order 5.7%
Welfare 4.7%
Economy 4.1%
Student Loans 3.9%
Unemployment 3%
Moral Issues 2.6%
Immigration 2.2%

Tax has overtaken health as the issue of greatest concern to voters in the latest Herald-DigiPoll survey.

And concerns about education have fallen dramatically.

Before the May Budget, tax figured well down the rankings, cited by only 5.8 per cent of respondents as the most important issue in New Zealand. Health was top of the ratings, followed closely by education.

But after Labour's family tax relief package and National's tax cuts policy, tax is now the number one issue for 22.5 per cent of those polled.
It's the greatest concern to 22.5% of those polled but it's NOT the greatest concern to a measly 77.5%.

Interesting that immigration is so low considering how much traction Winnie the Pooh Stirrer gets out of bashing those who have recently done so. Isn't there a story there?

Or that unemployment isn't the primary concern of 97% of the population?

Why don't they get people to rank the issues then they might get some stats to sink teeth into?

Sunday, August 28, 2005

Labour Routs All-Comers in Poll 

A colleague informed me that his year 13 economics class had a mock election a few days ago and the results leave no doubt whatsoever of the mood of the entire nation.

Labour 97%
National 3%

others 0%

margin of error (who cares it's so conclusive).

And that's a fact.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

Pat Robertson: Living Proof that there is nothing common about common sense. 

Preventable death used to kill thousands of Venezuelans but American idiocy has the potential to kill thousands more. Pat Robertson, a preacher with amazing popularity and dreadful stupidity said that the U.S. should “take out” (remember those two words) Venezuelan President Jugo Chavez. From Robertson perspective the majority elected President, (not dictator, if anyone wants to challenge me on this one, put it in the comments and wait for the reply) deserves to die because he disagrees with U.S. policy. And disagree he does. But so do Canadian cattle ranchers, loggers, and many more. Best line up the gallows, Pat.

The American press has spilled enough ink covering this story, and the way they did it is abominable. The circulating issue has not been whether or not Robertson needs a straight-jacket, but whether or not it would be right for the U.S. to pop Chavez.

Why is the U.S. media consuming time and space with the question of the method of removal? Wolf Blitzer was all on about the practicality of this sort of stunt, saying that Gerald Ford forbid the act in 1979. The ensuing debate centered on the cost of toppling nations. Should the U.S. go through an expensive war to ruin its opponents and follow Ford’s protocol, or should they just send in the SEALS?

The non-U.S. media did a good job in putting Robertson in his place. Canadian papers quickly reminded the holy man that killing thy neighbour goes against one or two of the commandments. Based on this, Robertson retracted his statement and said that this use of the term “take out” could mean “kidnapping” or something like that. This guy can’t even rebuttal himself out of a wet paper bag.

How the hell did it come to this? An idiot in the states says something completely stupid, the media plays on his idiocy to ask even stupider questions, and then you have an all out security crisis in Venezuela. Chavez already believed that the U.S. wanted his ass, and now with the holy man saying the same thing, he is convinced.

Chavez is a controversial figure. I have met Venezuelans who have retracted their citizenship because of his actions, and I have met others that well tears in their eyes when they tell tales of their illiterate parents finally receiving healthcare. The man has his enemies and his allies, and he knows both well.

The real issue at hand here is the fact that Robertson, who likely gets paid more than I do and is much more famous than I, had the ability to be an idiot and capture the public imagination, if only for a moment, over an idiotic idea. If I said something like that I would be screwed as hard as possible. Anyone who has invested time and effort in education and self betterment would be hung out to dry for saying such things. Ethics, the law, goodwill and common sense keep most of us from being this dumb, and yet this fucker gets on the front page of an entire continent. But in the U.S., the land of dreams, anything is possible.

Friday, August 26, 2005

Holy Shit it was Marc Ellis!! 

I never would have thought it in a million years!!! pfffft

TV star Marc Ellis convicted on drug charge
26 August 2005
Former All Black and television personality Marc Ellis was convicted and fined $300 and $130 court costs after pleading guilty to one charge of possessing the drug ecstasy in Auckland District Court today.

Ellis and former rugby league star Brent Todd were the two sports celebrities named on charge sheets of others facing drugs counts in connection with Operation Aqua.

The celebrities had their names suppressed but Todd, who has not been charged with any offences, earlier asked for his name suppression to be lifted to "clear the air".

Who would have believed that Marc Ellis of all people likes to go nightclubbing and take a VERY POPULAR and WIDESPREAD drug KNOWN and CONSUMED by tens of thousands of people in NZ every weekend!!!

What sorts of crimes do people commit when on e apart from hugging complete strangers and telling freinds they don't like that they love them?

Fucked if I know.

Good on you mate. Keep using.

NRL Round 25 

The world famous Bennyasena versus Peter Jessup tipping competition has reached its penultimate week with crowd-favourite Bennyasena leading by the slenderest of margins (1 game).

Broncos vs Roosters - Bennyasena Roosters Jessup Bronocs
Storm vs tigers - both Tigers
Sea Eagles vs Warriors - both Warriors
Knights vs Sharks - both Knights
Bulldogs vs Panthers - both Panthers
Eels vs Raiders - both Eels
Rabbits vs Cowboys - both Cowboys

Left-wing Media Bias 

"Left-wing media bias": I've lost count of how many times I've heard those on the right scream this in the past year.

"Just look at the New Zealand Herald," they say, without citing actual examples, as is their way.

OK let's have a look at today's Herald then shall we and then maybe, just maybe, you'll all shut the fuck up.

What do we have on pg 1?

'National and Greens gain support' is the lead story which goes on to inform the public that:

National's tax-cut policy has arrested Labour's leap in support after its student loans and family tax relief announcements, the latest Herald DigiPoll survey suggests. Overall, Labour is comfortably ahead on 45.3 per cent, up 1.4 points from last month's poll. National is on 36 per cent, down 1.5. The difference between the two is 9.3 points. But comparisons between the two parts of the poll tell a different story. Part of the poll was conducted before National's tax announcement on Monday and the other part after it. Late last month, Labour promised it would wipe interest on student loans. After its tax package and before National's policy release, DigiPoll had conducted almost 40 per cent of its polling, which showed dramatic gains for Labour. It had stretched its lead to 13.7 points (Labour 46; National 32), well up on its 6.4 point lead in the last poll. The larger polling segment, taken after National's tax announcement, also has Labour leading National, but by a much reduced margin of 6.6 points.
And doesn't the story read that "National is on 36 per cent, down 1.5" well what the fuck is it - is National gaining support as the headline reads or are they down 1.5%?

Ummmm, I ain't no mathamatician but Labour was sitting on a lead of 6.4% in the last poll and is up to 6.6% even in the latter part of this poll.

No matter which way you look at it Labour's lead in the polls is increasing--OK its surge has been slowed but it's still increasing its lead!

You wouldn't know that from reading the fucking story though would ya.

In the 18 paragraph story this is how much is dedicated to the Greens' increase in the polls:

To boost the Greens' flagging support, Prime Minister Helen Clark agreed to a symbolic public outing with Greens co-leader Jeanette Fitzsimons last week. That may have had some bearing on the Greens' marked improvement in the DigiPoll, doubling their support from 3.2 per cent to 6.4 per cent and pipping New Zealand First as the third most popular party.

I would have thought perhaps the Greens becoming the third biggest political player in the country may have been more newsworthy than National doing better in the second half of a poll than they did in the first.

Instead, its nicely phrased with terms such as the Greens' "flagging support" and only a "marked improvment".

Readers are also greeted in the Herald by a massive picture of Don Brash chatting to workers on the front-page.

Granted, below the picture is small story by the Herald's political correspondent, titled 'National shoots its other foot', which hints briefly at National's latest fuck-up:

Taken in isolation, the shambles over Brian Connell's unauthorised release of the party's forestry policy, the party's pulling of him from a radio interview and the confusion over whether National would permit the chopping down of more native trees does not matter much in the larger scheme of things.

It then goes on to talk about polls.

That's the Herald's line then - "whether National would permit the chopping down of native trees does not matter much in the larger scheme of things".

Indeed, readers must turn to page 5 to read about "National's logging chopped by Brash".

The intro reads:

National Party leader Don Brash stepped in and overrode his forestry spokesman yesterday, categorically denying that National would resume logging on the West Coast. He said a document released by Brian Connell headed "forestry policy" was actually a discussion document that had not been ratified by the party's board.

The journo then allows Brash to explain that:

"We will not be resuming logging in any form on the West Coast while I'm leader of the National Party". The issue proved a distraction from his attempts to sell his party's $3.9 billion tax cut policy and is understood to have infuriated colleagues of Mr Connell. Dr Brash said it was "not nearly as embarrassing as the PM's cavalcade through South Canterbury" but conceded: "It's unhelpful, certainly". But Dr Brash gave Mr Connell the benefit of the doubt.

Oh that's good then, National's forestry spokesman gets the benefit of the doubt and it's "not nearly" as embarrasing as the Prime Minister's "cavalcade".

The Herald gives Brash ample oppurtunity to clarify what his forestry policy actually is.

In the interests of balance the Herald gives Labour's Chris Carter half a sentence in reposnse: [because] "once again it is saying one thing to one group of people and a completely different thing to the rest of us".

Here's what Connell actually said when he announced National's forestry policy:

....The decision [Labour's] to stop all indigenous logging on the West Coast of the South Island destroyed a hitherto sustainable indigenous forest industry....[What will National do?]...Allow selective sustainable harvesting of native beech trees from privately owned forests and will review similar production from carefully selected areas of crown-owned forests including the South Island’s West Coast. Inherent in this policy is an absolute commitment that National will not touch forests already protected under New Zealand’s national parks and reserves network.

Connell seems fairly fucking unequivocal about it all doesn't he.

Strange wording for a discussion document too ain't it?

What I find telling is that there's no hitting up Brash on whether he expects us to really believe this wasn't National policy instead he just gets a free ride.

There's no screaming "U-turn" nor "back-down" commentry, fuck, Labour barely even gets a reply.

Compare this to the coverage page 3 story about the infamous 'speeding motorcade' and Labour Cabinet Ministers chipping in to cover the cops fines:

The whip-round has been slammed by National deputy leader Gerry Brownlee. He said he was pleased the police officers would not have to fork out themselves, but criticised the Prime Minister for not taking responsibility during the trial but accepting fault by paying the bill. He said Dr Cullen had repeatedly said the officers worked for ministers and should not have to pay for doing their job - which indicated they had been directed to speed. "It's almost too cynical to believe but I'm afraid so very typical of the way Helen Clark operates her Government, whereby you can fix anything with a chequebook," said Mr Brownlee.

Thursday, August 25, 2005

Election campaign low-lights 

A completely impartial, objective and rigorously-researched summary of the campaign to date:

The "so-full-of-shit-it's-amazing-he'll-be-relected" award goes to Winston Peters. As far as I can tell not a single sensible word has come out of his mouth during the entire campaign. Every sentence he utters is meaningless bluster devoid of anything even vaguely resembling content. However much one dislikes Peters, in the past he's been a much more convincing campaigner.

The "not-too-worried-about-his-party-about-to-be-chopped-in-half" award goes to Peter Dunnehill, for whom the worm is yet to turn. No sensible rabbits have yet been pulled from common-sense hats. However, one can almost smell the Malboros being pulled from packets.

The "full-credit-for-sticking-to-your-message-even-if-it's-a-desparate-one" award goes to Rodney Hide. I predict the Don (or Mastermind McCully) will soon realize that Act's 2-3% support being translated into 3-4 seats could be the difference between government and opposition, and will try and concede Epsom to Rodney. Second prediction: this won't work.

The "way-to-turn-people-off-politics" award goes to TVNZ for the debate with howling, yowling mobs.

Update: And the ultimate prize, the much coveted "what-hidden-agenda" award goes to Brian Connell, simultaneously the enemy of kittens and kiwis everywhere. What'll it be, Rakaia? Let's see the back of this prick.

Tobacco based faith 

So this's why they call him Peter Dunnehill.

On Friday 19 August, the WIN Party formally aligned with United Future and WIN Party founder and leader John van Buren will stand as the United Future candidate in the Labour-held seat of Christchurch Central.....When hotel owners and smoking and non-smoking and patrons alike don't want the ban, a ban on smoking inside, what are privately owned properties, then freedom of choice has been killed off".

Seems like a hypocritical stance for someone whose party claims to "empower individuals, families and communities through values based leadership including protecting the weak and those at risk and requiring responsible behaviour of all people."

Responsible like requiring smokers to step outside for their ciggies?

Protecting those at risk; like bar staff subjected to smoke throughout their shifts?

Oh, and by the way, good riddance Mick.

A little reminder from the Sunday Star-Times archives as to why we're better fof without him:
An Australian, Watson is an interesting customer.He appears to relish playing games with the media, which he seems to regard as an inferior being, despite covertly courting several of its members who obligingly present his spin on all matters on a weekly basis.Those who co-operate are "rewarded" with "exclusives". Hence Stacey Jones is only made available to compliant media rather than those who are asking the tough questions on behalf of the fans.Instead, those media outlets are now being blamed for Jones's departure.Supposedly, the reporters who follow the Warriors' rollercoaster fortunes are actually the real reason why he doesn't want to stay in New Zealand. Others aren't so sure. Unfortunately, because of a ban on questions directed at Jones last Thursday, we haven't been able to ask him to elaborate on the reasons he gave in his prepared statement - a statement coincidentally issued on a day when the bulk of the country's rugby league media were in Brisbane covering the build-up to the Anzac test against Australia.And nailing jelly to a wall is easier than getting a straight answer from Watson.There's a smell coming out of Ericsson Stadium and it is becoming more repugnant with the exit of every Kiwi player from the club, increasingly for Australian players. As the straight-shooting ex-Kiwi Dean Lonergan said on radio during the week: "What is it about the culture of this club that their franchise players all want to get out?"Club sources in England have told the Sunday Star-Times they have fielded calls from other players who want out of the NRL franchise.

Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Give us a break you're the piano man 

If there was one story this year that has riled me more than any other the fucking inane piano man would win hands down.

Some git, found wandering alone in England, who can't remember who he is and can play a few tunes on the piano has recieved saturation media coverage - check out google news hits for the dick.

Sydney Morning Herald, NZ Herald, Stuff, the Guardian, New York Times; every fucking media outlet I turn to has had stories about this freak of nature.

How does one mute weirdo, whose sole attraction is that he can play the piano, get so much coverage even in a different fucking hemisphere?

We could be fed stories analysing the political turmoil or whatever it is that's fueling the conflict in Sudan, we could have stories on the new anti-Kyoto five country pact...but no we just keep getting the piano man.

And just when i thought it was safe to open the paper again whattayaknow he's had an improvement in his condition.

That's great news for the freak in question but I still don't give a fuck.

I didn't give a fuck when they found him and I couldn't give a flying fuck now.

Still there's a lesson here for those dying to be famous...cut the tags out of your clothes, pretend to be mute, and learn to play a musical instrument - and get ready for the column inches.

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

BIR Poll Scandals 

Sorry, if anybody has come expecting to see the results of our scientific polls.

We are holding off releasing them until closer to the election (no this does not mean we haven't actually done it yet and are... ok fuck, alright then, we haven't done them yet).

We have some results in but need to work on how to manipulate them. eg 3 out of 8 respondents = half. 2 out of 9 Maori = many Maori. Chinese people = all Asians etc etc.

Monday, August 22, 2005

Who is a Maori anyway? 

Tonight's debate was pretty tiresome, I don't know whose idea it was to have the howling partisan mobs. Obnoxious and probably makes lots of people reach for the remote. There's now a documentary about a new monkey on TV3, "a cuddly ball of red and brown fur," a welcome relief.

Neither leader seemed at their best, but what struck me fairly early on was Don seeming to revive the "what's a real Maori?" debate, circa 1970, complete with "some of them are as white as me and you" and something to the effect of "a 7/8 Maori isn't the same thing as a 1/8 Maori." Sigh.

A Maori is someone with Maori heritage who identifies as Maori I would have thought ... the fact that this may lead to separate political entitlements is a different matter (and one worth debating). But frankly, I don't care to divide myself up into eighths. Maybe I'm wrong, the question of "who is a Pakeha anyway?" is interesting, but unlikely to lead to dividing people into portions or grading their skin colour.

Tax Cuts 

Under National I'll be half a tinny better off a week.

Amazingly, Don Brash seems to appreciate this:
It signals to hard-working New Zealanders that you too can share in the benefits of a growing economy,” says Dr Brash.

But to keep things in perspective, by 2007, this guy would be about 12 grams better off a year.

One of those headlines... 

Which could be misinterpreted by anyone not intimately familiar with the topic:
"White calls up reservists as All Black test nears". A race war is looming, then?

Saturday, August 20, 2005

The Mad Butcher Stole my Pie!!! 

The Mad Butcher may be the greatest servant of rugby league in New Zealand's history.

He may also be giving away 60,000 sausages at David Lange's memorial service at Ericsson Stadium today.


He was with my father and I (notice correct grammar there), watching an Auckland club game when he simply removed it from my hand and ate it. I guess times must have been tough for the butcher back then, and my father did warn me that he was mad, but nonetheless, I can still remember looking up at his face and thinking "what the jimminy cricket just happened?!" (that was before I knew words like "fuck" and "cunt").

Maybe his beloved Mangere East were getting trounced by the mighty Te Atatu Roosters or something. I dunno.

Actually I wonder how many saussies will be left over to be munched on by what should be a big Warriors crowd to see Stacey off. Unfortunately despite having prime tickets I can't go because my best mate has decided to have his bloody 30th birthday tonight. But I'll be thinking of you Stacey, and that time when my team beat yours 14-12 (he got all 12 points for Pt Chev) in the Under 13s at Carlaw Park as curtainraiser to the Kangaroos v Auckland.

For the record a side featuring Mal Meninga, Michael O'Connor, Fattie Vautin, Greg Alexander and co went down 26-24 to a side made up of Auckland club players that night. Yeeehaaa!!! Can you imagine the Warriors (chosen from all of NZ and some of Australia) even coming close to competing even with the Kangaroos these days?

And last night the Tigers beat the Bulldogs in front of over 29,000 fans at Telstra Stadium. A record for a 'home' game for them. The records just keep on tumbling.

Friday, August 19, 2005

See ya Stacey, Feka, Francis, 

Stacey Jones will play his last home game for the Warriors tomorrow night and there's a few pretty good articles farewelling him in the NZ Herald today!

Francis Meli has been dropped so won't get to play one last time at Ericcson, and neither will Monty Betham be able to farewell Stacey at home because he has been suspended, again.

It'll be the last time the home crowd get to these storming runs from Paleaasina too.

NRL Round 24 - Bennyasena vs Jessup

Tigers vs Bulldogs - both Tigers
Warriors vs Knights - both Warriors
Rabbits vs Roosters - both Roosters
Cowboys vs Raiders - Jessup Cowboys Bennyasena Raiders
Sharks vs Eagles - both Sharks
Dragons vs Eels - Bennyasena Dragons Jessup Eels
Panthers vs Broncos - both Bronocs

Bet of the weekend - Broncos ($1.80) to beat the Panthers ($1.95). The Panthers have been hit by a bug.

Or take the Raiders with the points start against the Cowboys - odds not up on NZ TAB yet though, but they should have a 14 point head start paying $1.90 odd.

Interestingly, even if you were backing the Raiders in Canberra ($4.45) you would get better odds than you can in New Zealand ($4.20).

Strange how consumers benefit from that little thing called competition ey.

Thursday, August 18, 2005


Labour finally knocked over most of the 10 pins at the end of the bowling alley with this one ... massive tax relief for families with children. Hell, it's time for the likes of Yamis to get into the business of procreation. My only regret is they didn't announce this during the darn budget.

Labour seems to be making "surprise" announcements (student loans and now the working for families expansion) ... whereas National is pinning everything on it's one, long, long, long-awaited tax policy (now scheduled for Monday, last I heard).

Wednesday, August 17, 2005

Stoning women, children and gays ... questions for "Christian" MPs 

Labour MP Ashraf Choudhary's comments on supposed "traditional Koran punishments" involving the stoning to death of adulterers and homosexuals, etc., were fairly widely reported in the media - including the Herald - and Don Brash made an oblique reference to it in his "no dirty immigrants spitting on our streets" speech: "We do not want those who ... believe that New Zealand would be a better place if gays and adulterers were stoned."

Well, who does, frankly? And does this mean gays are "mainstream New Zealanders" again?

But what about this word "belief", and the distinction between belief and action? How many of our self-identified "Christian" MPs, and we seem to have rather a lot of them lately, many of whom appear to be of the "every word in the Bible is the incontrovertable and literal word of God" variety, believe almost exactly the same thing?

Certainly Choudhary's response was fairly inarticulate and prevaricating. And certainly there's one Christian leader in New Zealand - the indomitable Bishop Whakahuihui Vercoe - who was named and shamed for making similar comments, as the tiresome Sandra Paterson points out.

But, and here's the important point, why aren't the media asking those Christian MPs - for example, those who were so full of "pro-family" bluster during the Civil Unions Bill debate - similar questions? If they accept every word in the Bible to be the literal word of God (and get them to say this bit first), then do they think the Bible is right to say:

That women should be silent and in submission in Church (Corinthians 14:34-35), should talk to their husbands in fear (I Peter 3:1-7), and must marry their rapists (Deuteronomy 22:28-29)?

That children can be dashed against stones (Psalms, 137:9), boiled and eaten (II Kings - 6:24-33); impregnated by their fathers (Genesis - 19:30-38); and stoned to death if rebellious (Deuteronomy - 21:18-21; Matthew 15:4)?

That homosexuals can have their houses destroyed (II Kings - 23:7), and may be killed (Leviticus 20: 13; Romans - 1:26-32)?

That adulterers can be killed (Leviticus 20:10)?

And finally, do these MPs hate their fathers, mothers, wives, children, and brethren in accordance with Luke 14:26?

Leaving aside questions of "context" and Biblical interpretation, I reckon you'd get some interesting answers to these questions. Whose "morality" should government be promoting, again? Perhaps best to leave such weighty issues to the Sunday Star-Times.

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

Whose sums don't add up? 

Why is it that to fully insure my piece of shit with AMI it will cost me $1,000 a year and if I don't make any claims for that year it will drop to 700 next year?

And the same piece of shit being fully insured with NZI will only cost $529.80 ?

I have no history with either of them.


In other "celebrity" news my sister had her photo taken with Brent Webb and Wairangi Koopi yesterday and photo-shopped the picture so she looked better. The world is not what it seems people! The Warriors have had their entire season cut up and pasted all wrong by the Sydney mafia. Or is that just their defence cut up and themselves pasted? I don't know but the ball isn't sticking and they need more scissor moves. Time to get out the chalkboard and work on improving the paper thin defence from recent weeks that has seen a side that looks good on paper forced to pencil in a few new names as they erase some from the current squad. The stationary shop for a stationary team.

Not in my back paddock (NIMBAP) syndrome 

Who would have thought it, farmers complaining. This time about the prospect of 16 wind-powered turbines blocking their view of some nearby hills. You know, the view they have because earlier farmers deforested the land in the first place (and in so doing contributed to an increase in windspeeds). "The landscape has mana" they protest - and what a bleak, parched, treeless landscape it is. As I've mentioned previously on this blog, aerial views of this country's landuse reveal the sheer extent to which we are, to quote Russel Brown, "just a shitty little trading post at the bottom of the Pacific." A visitor in one of those UFOs Russell talks about would assume we exist to grow sheep and beef (and in a few areas pines). We didn't give a flying fuck when we deforested this country in the first place, so suck it up farmers, we need wind turbines. And yes, I am happy to have them "supplementing" my view. Rather a wind turbine than another treeless paddock.

Monday, August 15, 2005

Prepare Yourself for Blogging it Real's 2005 Completely Scientific, Issues that Count Poll 

This poll will be conducted in the flawless, classy style of the SST and results will be published some time this coming weekend.

Covering such issues as:
Recreational Drugs
Sexual Preferences and Behaviour
Moral Corruption of NZ Mass Media
Politicians Telling US how to live

And anything else we can possibly think of between now and the publishing time of our fabricated survey.

Topic submisssions and survey questions are welcome in the comments section below but we must warn you that we will filter out any that don't fit in with our desired results, or that won't make good bullshit headlines that appeal to OUR readers.

Survey participants will be carefully chosen to represent intelligent thinking in New Zealand and may or may not be entirely comprised of the BIR crew (but probably will be if we think that your survey responses disagree with what we are looking for).

Results will have a margin of error of zero. You better recognise.

Less-United Future 

United Future MP Paul Adams has just quit UF and will contest the next election as an independent. (pssst, Paul it ain't going to make a difference mate)

Keepleft has just put out a pretty funny press release the best lines of which read:
As for Molesworth, we admit that their poll was our inspiration. But ours is better, and we’re taking it a step further. This week we’re introducing the ‘Poll of Poll of Polls’ - a rolling average of the rolling polls. We’re plugging the poll gap,” Paul said.
“If Molesworth or any other imitator tries to roll our rolling poll of rolling polls, we’re prepared to roll theirs,” George said.

A little dissapointing BIR didn't get an award in Keepleft's The Old-Skool-Mad-Dog Award for Original Abuse category or its random abuse category either - are our profanity riddled posts in vain?

Run Rabbit Run 

This story was chopped from much of the SST main edition yesterday to make way for the David Lange obituary, but its intro alone demands it be read...perhaps before lunch.
It was his dark glasses and the scratches on New Zealander Brendan McMahon's face that landed him in an Australian jail facing bestiality and animal cruelty charges.
Police had staked out an inner-city Sydney lane over the past few weeks, seeking the person responsible for dumping skinned rabbits - and eventually found him after he paid for one rabbit with his credit card....On Thursday night, staff at Pets on Broadway, at the top of Sydney's George St, recognised McMahon from his description when he entered the store.
Manager Ingrid Clancy said McMahon "was wearing dark glasses and it was late night shopping and he had scratches down his face. When you work in the pet industry you know what animal scratches look like."

Sick puppy ey!
In other news a shit internet connection meant I couldn't post a full NRL Round 23 tipping competition blog on Friday but posted in the comments section of a blog below - here it is again:
NRL Round 23
Eels vs Bulldogs Both eels
storm vs warriors bennyasena warriors jessup storm
raiders vs rabbits both raiders
roosters vs sharks bennyasena roosters jessup sharks
tigers vs cowboys bennyasena cowboys jessup tigers
broncos vs dragons both broncos
knights vs eagles jessup knights bennyasena knights

So after 23 rounds the NZ Herald's league reporter Peter Jessup is on 79/145 and Bennyasena has regained the position so rightfully his: 80/145.

Sunday, August 14, 2005

In Memorium 

David Lange, 1942-2005
Rest in Peace, Big Fella.

Saturday, August 13, 2005

Stop Passing It.......... the fucking props!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hangovers kill 

Slowly and very painfully. So-called painkillers are doing sweet FA to help this situation too I might add.

Friday, August 12, 2005

Fucking brilliant ... 

BIR couldn't agree more with Public Address' Tze Ming Mok's response to Don Brash's immigration outburst. I couldn't quite find the words to express my views of Don's scraping-the-bottom-of-the-barrel, half-arsed, Winstonesque "policy", but now I don't need to.
Brash: "we want immigrants who will be Chinese New Zealanders, or Pacific Island New Zealanders - not New Zealand Chinese or New Zealand Pacific Islanders."

Apologies in advance to polite Public Address readers. [...]


AAAARRRRRGHHHHH! 操你妈的臭屁股!!! 操你爷爷的骚屁眼!!!! 操你八辈子祖宗!!!!

Ahem. Oh, and you have a pretty green hat.

I am not a 'Chinese New Zealander'. I don't have any problem with people who do identify as such. How you feel is how you feel. The phrase 'Kiwi Asian' kind of makes me cringe, but those KAC Cats have a right to be who they are, and to be happy with it. It's just not who I am. I'm New Zealand Chinese, Chinese is the noun, New Zealand is the adjective, and I see myself as a member of that particular branch of the diaspora that exists only through having been made in New Zealand. And if you're in the business of telling people who they shouldn't be, what they shouldn't feel about their ethnic identity, and what they're not allowed to call themselves, well fuck you. Hell yeah I'll spit all over your street, see if I don't, I'll spit you out before you can spit me out.
I can't read Chinese, but babel-fish tells me there are some unpleasant references in there to buttocks and anuses. Well said Tze Ming Mok!

The new name for LAX: George Orwell International 

All right Kiwi’s its time to lobby Air New Zealand to get you a direct flight to North America that does not involve going to the U.S. Vancouver or Mexico City should be the favoured hubs now that the U.S. has declared that alien travelers in transit through the United States have no rights. None.

Mary Mason a senior lawyer told a judge who is hearing over the Maher Arar case (you know the Canadian guy that the U.S. shipped to Syria to be tortured because he’s brown), that connecting passengers who are inadmissible to the U.S. have no rights under the U.S. constitution.

Fuck the first class lounge; get me to the custom’s house. Transiting passengers can be detained with out cause, denied access to food, water and medicine. Foreign passengers according to Mason only have the right of exemption from gross physical abuse. This basically means that you take enough body shots to the point that your organs shut down. It even gets sweeter, the U.S. justice department claims that even if torture occurs while someone is in custody, they U.S. government can not be sued.

The finger prints, the photographs, the air marshals, the 30 minute no bathroom break after departure were all draconian forms of control. But now these people are saying its okay to abuse foreigners. That’s kicking it up a notch I’m afraid. This is going too far. You know at least the Romans had the goddamn common courtesy to feed foreigners before pitching them to the lions. In such an obese country you wouldn’t think that they would impose forced fasting on detainees.

Seriously Kiwis, don’t put up with this shit. If you’re flying to Europe or Canada, connect through somewhere else. Lobby Air New Zealand for a new North American connection, one with heaps of food, toilets, and free healthcare to fix any wounds you may have endured while in detention.

Thursday, August 11, 2005

Ask not for whom the worm turns… 

A quick overall impression of tonight’s TV3 leader’s debate, before the official pundits speak and declare Turia the clear winner. Or at least colour my memory of it all.

First point, I bet Jim & Pete are pleased they went to court, because as far as the worm was concerned, they were the shit (err, manure). When they actually stick to matters of social and economic policy – and leave culture wars and drug wars the hell alone – they’re actually tolerable. Jim even sounded like someone who knew what progressive meant. Alas, I fear it’s temporary.

Enough about the bit players … well, no, actually. I thought Winston Peters was a disaster, with about 5 buzz words in every sentence, no structure, just a rambling rapid fire say-anything approach that didn’t make a lick of sense. He even appeared to half-commit him to supporting National. L_O_S_E_R.

Fitzsimmons was reasonable, but seemed to find it hard-going to get her message across in an exciting manner. Tried hard but didn’t get much traction. Still, she was doing well compared to Turia. The problem with the latter, and the Maori Party more generally, is that they don’t offer New Zealand anything. They’re a race party, which seeks to improve the lot of one sub-group of society, potentially at the expense of everyone else. At least every other party there has *something* which every potential voter can relate to (err, well perhaps not NZF, no hang on there was the billion tree thing again).

Rodney, Rodney, Rodney … well, he’s got a sense of humour, but he fall into the old trick of “well my joke worked once, so I’ll repeat it 5 minutes later”. Yep, the whole “bossy britches” thing fell flat the second time around. He was also on the receiving end of the best line of the night. Rodney said something to the effect of “Jim’s not a gentleman” and Jim replied “At least I’m going back to Parliament.” Even Rodney had to smile at that one. Still, with a little luck Jim might be wrong.

Now on to the big fish … The Don stumbled with his first words, but then picked up strength quickly, and did well in his first couple of talks as far as the worm was concerned. Dropped popular buzz words. By the second half the worm seemed to be tiring of him … he became somewhat hectoring, and was dragged into the area of asset sales - about as popular with the worm as mentioning “Te Tiriti” ha ha ha. His final comments were a bit of a “promise anything” debacle, Peters-esque but without the senseless bluster. Overall, not bad for a relative newbie.

Helen Clark was solid throughout, and seemed to gain some strength over the course of the debate, while Don’s fortunes ebbed rather dramatically. Good on her for promising “no involvement in dubious foreign wars” … an important point to make I thought. Solid, without setting the world on fire. I don’t think either of the major parties won or lost significant ground tonight … which is probably the best they can hope for.

Short term poll impacts? United Future and the Progressives to gain a percentage point or two each; NZF to continue its downward slide to its core 4-5% support; the Greens steady; and Labour and National steady or down one point each at most. Oh yeah, Maori Party no change either.

Six Years of Labour and what do we get???!!! 

Record numbers of women in work and unemployment at 3.7% (the second lowest ratio since they started collecting this way in 1986).

Who's yo daddy Mr Brash?!!!!!!

It's Helen and Michael!!! (my god that's my uncle and aunt)

Women join workforce in record numbers
11.08.05 4.00pm
By Elizabeth Clifford-Marsh

A fall in the unemployment rate, bringing it close to a 20-year low, has seen more women join the labour force than ever before, latest Statistics New Zealand (SNZ) figures released today show.

The figures show 60.9 per cent of women of working age are employed in some way, the highest proportion ever recorded.

This compares with 74.8 per cent of men.

Prime Minister Helen Clark said when opening Parliament in February that raising the participation rate by getting more women in work was a Government goal as part of the effort to lift living standards.

SNZ said the unemployment rate fell to 3.7 per cent from 3.9 per cent -- the second lowest ratio since the department began its surveys in 1986.

Economists were somewhat surprised by the ongoing resilience of the labour market.

"The labour market is obviously a bit stronger than we were expecting," said ANZ-National Bank Senior Economist Sean Comber...

Women's Affairs Minister Ruth Dyson welcomed the strong growth in female full-time employment.

"These results point to women playing a greater role in the New Zealand economy.

"Labour's investment in paid parental leave, childcare and quality early childhood education are helping to ensure going to work is a real choice for all New Zealanders -- men and women," Ms Dyson said...

The latest figures have placed New Zealand at number one in the OECD.

I was talking to a female colleague today who has kids and she mentioned how great the financial help has been so that she could study and have the kids looked after so she can graduate and become an earner.

good shit.

Keep New Zealand Cool till after school and after I'm dead.

Vote Labour or Green.

Oh my god, it was Brent Todd 

Named in the "celebrity" drug case.

Go to Hell Dell! Warranty or Lottery? On with the boycott. 

My laptop’s hard drive shit its pants today exactly three weeks after the warranty expired. I’d hate to use the word coincidence, but hey. I’ve been on the phone with Dell all day, or rather their off-shore call centers in India and elsewhere. I eventually ran diagnostics and found error code 0F00:0244. This means that the hard drive decided to fuck itself as hard as possible. Did the computer fall on the floor? Nope. Did a virus take it down? Nope. Did I spill my cocktail on the thing? Nope. Like many other Dell suckers the 0F00:0244 message is common. Part of the Dell quarterly strategy I reckon, and a great reason to sell you another hard drive. Corporate responsibility to quality and costumer satisfaction? I’ve seen pick-pockets in Mexico City give better warranties on their services.

I wonder how coincidental it is that Dell makes every PC to order after the purchase order is issued and if the warranty is accepted or not. Didn’t accept the warranty? Here have a drive from the piece o shit pile. Or to filter out the conspiracy theory just for a minute, lets just come to grips with the fact that Dell makes shitty hard drives, and offers even shittier customer service.

If a pharmaceutical company or an automobile company released faulty products on the market then they would be put up on charges, and the public would hang them high. But not the computer companies. No no, they have a blessed impunity that allows them to sell third rate faulty trash at bargain basement prices. Crashes, worms, viruses, the blue screen of death, it’s all come to be expected on the information super-highway, much like we come to expect the odd car-wreck, dead dog and injured pedestrian on the roads. Back up your drive? You should do it out of common sense, like wearing your seatbelt. The only difference is that you actually stand a fighting chance of never actually needing your seatbelt. We’ll all be reaching for the back-up disks at some point.

Whom do we like? 

Not Peter "Bigot" Dunne.
Not Jim "Drug War Warrior" Anderton.
Not Don "Lowest Common Denominator" Brash.

The second of these esteemed gentleman is a worthy holder of the office "Tosser of our Times", joining his esteemed colleague Matt "Regressive" Robinson. People of Wigram, please rid us of this infernal man and his so-called party once and for all, he just doesn't get it that adults are sovereign over their own bodies, and it's no business of the state to incarcerate them for exercising such sovereignty, provided only that they do no harm to the life and liberties of others.

Right, with that rant over, I wonder who we do like? Hard to please, us lot!

For the record the recipients of the infamous honour are as follows:

The BIR Dishonour Roll:

I Murray "Culture War" McCully
II Robert "Pie in the Sky" Milton (Air Canada)
III John "Smarmy Tosser" Tamihere
IV Matt "Regressive" Robson
V Peter "Bigot" Dunne
VI Jim "Drug War Warrior" Anderton

Don can Fuck off Too!!! 

You tool.

One thing that has struck me lately (OK, in the last 2 minutes) is how other blog sites try way too hard to slag off the other side of the political spectrum.

It's heaps better, easier and cooler if you say things like "if you vote for anything to the right of Labour you are a dumb cunt and the fact that you might need us to prove it is further evidence that you are indeed a big dumb cunt on top of just being a plain dumb cunt".

and then just rip other peoples cool shit and show it.

Everything for everyone,
and nothing for ourselves!

- Ejercito Zapatista de Liberacion Nacionale

I reckon Subcommandante Marcos would make a great side kick for Nandor.

Wednesday, August 10, 2005

Hey Jim...Fuck off. 

Can someone please inform fuck-knuckle Jim Anderton and his mates what progressive actually means.

For example, fuck-knuckle et al stick banners on their website saying "we will raise the drinking age to 20; Now that's progressive".

No it's not.

Progressive means "moving foward, proceeding in steps, or favouring progress" it does not mean reversing to adopt old policies.

The policies your party champions are regressive shit for brains.

What's worse is that this dork is getting a free run in Parliament when it comes to cracking down on drugs.

Here's what Jim says about Nandor.
The real argument is about the use of cannabis as a recreational drug.
If cannabis is legal, more people will use it. More harm will result. It’s a matter of economic logic.
Decriminalisation would inevitably see the price fall, and so demand would rise. In the Netherlands, decriminalisation in the mid-1980s was accompanied by steep increases in use even among the young. There are many adults who can make individual choices to use cannabis moderately. A middle-aged user like Mr Tanczos suffers no apparent cost to his employability or social acceptability. But not every user is like him

What studies are you quoting here Jim?

According to mine, you are full of shit:
Decriminalizing marijuana doesn't lead to more widespread use, according to a new study comparing the drug's users in Amsterdam and San Francisco. The study, published in the May issue of the American Journal of Public Health, flies in the face of prohibitionists who argue that relaxed laws will lead to a rampant increase in the use of marijuana. Drug warriors, who often talk about marijuana being a first step to the use of harder drugs, should also take note that decriminalization appears to reduce the so-called "gateway effect."
Highlights of the study include:
The mean age at onset of use was 16.95 years in Amsterdam and 16.43 years in San Francisco
The mean age at which respondents began using marijuana more than once per month was 19.11 years in Amsterdam and 18.81 years in San Francisco.
In both cities, users began their periods of maximum use about 2 years after they began regular use: 21.46 years in Amsterdam and 21.98 years in San Francisco.
About 75 percent in both cities had used cannabis less than once per week or not at all in the year before the interview.
Majorities of experienced users in both cities never used marijuana daily or in large amounts even during their periods of peak use, and use declined after those peak periods.

Here's the full study Jim.

How does that work Jim, kids are starting at a younger age in countries where it is illegal, I thought you said it this was all easily explained by your economic logic?
Last week the Greens released food awards, denouncing fizzy drink, French fries and breakfast cereal. How is it that the Greens want cannabis decriminalised, but breakfast cereal banned?

Because fuck-knuckle, the punishment associated with being caught - the chances of which are much higher if you've got brown skin - far outweigh the dangers associated with smoking the drug.
If we decriminalised cannabis, what message would we send to the quarter of all girls aged 15-17 -- who have tried it but haven’t continued to use it?

Ummmm, perhaps that they didn't risk arrest when they did decide to experiment with pot? Its legal status obviously didn't deter them taking that first toke....they just decided they didn't like it.
A Judge wrote to me about young girls on the streets in Christchurch, drawn into prostitution in order to buy Methamphetamine (or ‘P’). The dealers hook these girls first by giving them a free sample when they come in to buy their cannabis.

But young people, in my experience, don't want to go to tinny houses and give their money to gangs its just they don't have any other choice. If it was decriminalised they wouldn't have to be buying it from P dealers in the first place.
If cannabis is decriminalised, the P marketers won’t go away. And criminal gangs will continue to supply and market cannabis just as they do now. Few people will bother to grow their own – why would there be any more people than those who grow their own vegetables? The tinny houses will boom, not disappear.

Again, what sources are you getting your information from Jim?

(And don't you just love it how the Honourable Minister keeps referring to P in every second sentence in his argument against marijuana...desperate for a real argument????)

I for one would definitely chuck a couple of plants in the garden to save me the $ if I knew I wasn't going to get arrested for it.

In fact, so too would quite a few of my friends.

"Why would there be anymore people than grow their own vegetables?" you ask: becuase shithead, pot is a much more valuable commodity than vegetables.

Further, tinny houses operate because there are high profit margins in selling pot and you've just said the price would fall; therefore so too wouldn't the incentive to sell?

I'm starting to see a pattern here Jim, you only employ your "economic logic" when it suits you.
Decriminalisation tells young people that drugs are not that bad, and no education campaign will erase that message. Young people won't believe drugs are OK for adults but not for them. Talk to the school principals who know that young people are reading the signals from Mr Tanczos – and saying it is OK to smoke if he can.

Perhaps decriminalisation also tells these young people that they shouldn't smoke before they're 18 and that when you are a consenting adult you can make your own decisions in life and that cocksuckers like you won't have them arrested?

Crude, but honest.

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

New legend emerges from epic test 

Vettori had a starring role in NZ's 2-day victory over the hapless Zimbabweans ... with a rapidfire century plus 6 wickets. Even we he gets bowled he's not out (see photo). Can't ask for much more than that. The only thing we can hope for in the second test is NZ dismissing Zimbabwe for less than 26, and finally getting that monkey off our backs. A nice green seamer and we'll bowl first thanks.

Vettori rejoins the ranks of Legends of Late, in which he now features thrice:

I Glen McGrath
II Daniel Vettori
III Stephen Fleming
IV Daniel Vettori
V Ed Broadbent
VI Dave Dobbyn

The Black Caps Should Never Have Toured Zimbabwe 

Because lets face it, there's no way they should have test playing status.

We knock up 452 in 89 overs with our bloody number 8 hitting the fastest century (it's believed) in NZ test history.

As if that record means anything now, thanks to the pathetic opposition.

And then we skittle them twice so their batting reads 20 for 158 from 80 overs.

It's the equivalent of the All Blacks playing China and winning 180-6.

Their record is now 4 wins and 45 losses (excluding Bangladesh).

The 4 wins have been against India and Pakistan (2 each). Can you say matchfixing fast four times?

Now I know NZ had a similar crap record when we started out but there were stuff all teams to play back then so they had to let us in for a bit of variety. We don't need to do that that badly these days do we? And at least we got better, not worse.

Monday, August 08, 2005

Keep Left NZ 

How about these guys?

Good stuff.


And I wonder if next time the All Blacks will avoid a 5 week break in the middle of the rugby season?


And I wonder how many more weeks Tony Kemp will be employed for?

A promising start 

It looks like someone has finally decided to shut Jim Anderton up before he can criminalize anything else. Good work TV3. Hopefully the good people of Wigram can complete the job. In all seriousness, with both Anderton and Dunne almost certain to head back to Parliament, their exclusion from the TV3 worm debate is somewhat unfair.

Some good cricket overnight though ... first with the Ashes, and second with the Black Caps whipping the Zimbabweans. Expect a maiden test 50 for Chris Martin next. Well, maybe not, but Vettori was in a starring role again.

Vettori's last 10 test innings:

127, 23, 21, 2, 20, 59, 24*, 23, 45, 41*

Saturday, August 06, 2005

Governor Schmeneral 

Even the normally sober Russell Brown is agog at the prospect of "total babe" Michaëlle Jean becoming Canada's new Governor General. And hell, that's nothing compared to the Canadian press. Well, she does look a good 15 years younger than her purported 48 years, and she's the real deal as a journalist/commentator. However, among the more interesting observations is this one: Michaëlle Jean replaces Adrienne Clarkson- both female immigrants from ethnic minorities who were award-winning journalists: "The argument can be made that these are superficial similarities. But when you are dealing with a superficial position, that’s all there really is to judge." Touche. Moreover, as the Holden Republic observes: Governors General in New Zealand and, by extension, Canada, are constitutionally useless. It's a bizarre arrangement where the person who hires and (potentially) fires the Governor General - the Prime Minister - can also be hired and fired by her. Moreover, the GG holds reserve powers, some of which - like refusing to assent to a bill - haven't been used in 300 years, and if they were, would result in the GG being dismissed on orders of the Prime Minister. Unless, presumably, the GG dismissed the Prime Minister first. Like, whatever. I'm old enough to choose my own head of state, thanks. The monarchist notion that Governors General protect our liberties by, err, doing absolutely nothing "political" is also patently absurd. Vive le Republic.

Oh yes, and this guy's got balls. He wouldn't last 5 minutes in New Zealand with the likes of Peter "Bigot" Dunne and Jim "Self-Appointed Drugs Tsar" Anderton around. Good luck firing up a joint on the police station steps, let alone encouraging urban agriculture by selling seeds. I hope the Canadian judiciary tells the USDEA to go fuck themselves with an atom bomb.

Friday, August 05, 2005

An excuse to put this picture here 

I can't think of an excuse but do I need one?

These K-pop girls played at my university opening ceremony in Korea a few years ago and here they are showing themselves to Korean Football Association President Jong Moon-joon (who's father owned Hyundai and who got busted for paying off North Korea to get them to have a summit meeting with South Korea about 5 years ago and so he decided he would commit suicide to save face).

Anyway a couple of rumours from the Footie Show.

Nigel Vagana (is a pussy the same as a vagana?) joining the Warriors after their (Cronulla's) recent dodgy form? They are denying he will be released.

And Monty Bethams agent mentioned he may be released from his Warriors contract to join another NRL club.

The Price is Wrong 

My own credit card ad after what has come through my letter box in the last week.

Car Insurance (3 months)

Waitakere City Rates (3 months)

Waitakere City Water Charges (6 months)

Auckland Regional Council Rates (annual)

Power Bill (monthly)

Telephone/Internet Charges (monthly)

Full tank of petrol (weekly)

Cardboard for shelter under the bridge...

PRICELESS (literally) from Pac'n'save

NRL Round 22 

After 131 games in the 2005 NRL the NZ Herald's tipster Peter Jessup has picked 74 correctly, while bloggingitreal's tipster Bennyasena has tipped 73/131.

Last weekend the Warriors reminded their fans of the absolute crap they have been able to produce at times throughout the season - on several occassions Panthers players waltzed through the Warriors defensive line without even being touched....

The good news is that the Roosters/Bulldogs/Raiders/Manly/Sharks all lost too so really the table is no different in terms of the Warriors chances of making the top 8.

The way I see it is forget about the top 6 teams - Broncos, Eels, Storm, Dragons, Cowboys, Tigers - they'll all make the 8.

However, seventh placed Manly (24 points) and 8th placed Sharks (24 points) - who were walloped 46-6 last week at home by the Tigers - are looking decidedly shit.

Between the Warriors (20 points but with bye to come) and 7th/8th place are two teams - the Raiders (22) and Bulldogs (23).

The Warriors have a positive points differential of 27 however each of these four teams above us have negative points differentials - Manly's -25 is the least - and none have a bye owing.

So taking into account the bye the Warriors, in reality, are only two points outside the 8.

The Bulldogs best player/goal kicker is out for the season along with half the rest of their starting team, the Sharks' coach last weekend admitted they had fuck all chance of making the 8.

With the Raiders playing the on-fire Tigers, Sharks vs the superior Storm and Manly vs top-of-the-table Broncos the Warriors have got a chance in round 22 to get on a level playing field with the teams in front of them.

Even though the Bulldogs are playing the Knights - two points for the dogs is still far from a certainty.

OK the games and picks for Round 22:

Cowboys vs Dragons - Bennyasena Dragons Jessup Cowboys
Bulldogs vs Knights - Bennyasena Knights Jessup Bulldogs
Sharks vs Storm - Bennyasena Storm Jessup Storm
Warriors vs Eels - Bennyasena Warriors Jessup Warriors
Raiders vs Tigers - Bennyasena Tigers Jessup Tigers
Roosters vs Panthers - Bennyasena Panthers Jessup Panthers
Manly vs Broncos - Bennyasena Broncos Jessup Broncos

Wednesday, August 03, 2005

Celebrity Scuttlebutt 20: Informed Political Diatribe 0 

The above scores refer to the number of comments generated by a couple of recent posts: one containing juicy unsubstantiated drug-related celebrity gossip, the other a more thoughtful piece on matters of politics, policing and criminal law. Hell, we even entered the latter in the Kiwi Blog Carnival. OK, readers and commentators, you win for now. For the thousands of people out there googling away in order to discover the identity of Byron Kelleher's girlfriend, and whether she is in fact coming to a TV screen near you, the relevant gossip is here. If you want pictures of the lovely Ms. Lei find them yourselves!

Monday, August 01, 2005

Telecom's Reply 

Looks like I'll just email them in future if this is the prompt service you get. it took about an hour to get it sorted while I was out doing the gardening (how middle class).

>Thank you for your email.
>Firstly, I am very sorry for any inconvenience that this issue may have caused you. We did offer you 2 months credit for Call Minder on your account, however this was actioned incorrectly and the charge of $7.00 was applied to your account instead of credited. I have now credited $21.00 to your account for these errors and also reversed the Late Payment Fee charge of $6.00. The total credit of $27.00 will be applied to your account today. Again, I do apologise for any trouble this has caused you.
>If we can assist you any further with this matter we will be happy to help.
>Yours sincerely
***** *****
>Online Support Team

However according to Hard News today Telecom are about to give it up the ass to a whole bunch of other customers and not just their own by the looks of it.

Pull your heads in.

Telecom, Words Can't Quite Express the Way I Feel About You 

This is the online 'letter' I just wrote to Telecom regarding the fucking shit they have put me through this year (it's the cut down, santised version of what has actually happened and how I actually feel).

To whom it may concern,

Basically I don't have a question [they want you to ask questions in this submit box not tell them how crap they are] just a whole lot of anger! Grrrrrr!

My main peeve is that I am being over charged and can never get through on the phone to sort it out.

But I'll start from the beginning...

I signed up with Telecom at the start of this year thinking that they were a professional company who I would have no problems with but it's been nothing but problems.

Firstly it was with the internet. We were told we could get broadband with xtra and a guy came out to hook us up. He spends two hours fluffing around before 'realising' that we can't get it where we are. Not only that but he also managed to stuff up the connection we did have which I had to fix once I got back home.

Then our Telecom bill arrives and low and behold we are being charged for broadband services we don't get.

Amazingly I actually managed to get hold of a real person on the 123 number and got it sorted out (probably because I went looking for the internet people on the phone).

Flash to next problem.

About 3 months ago I received a call from a telecom representative informing me that our household would be receiving free call minder for 2 or 3 months (I forget which to be honest). So that sounds good. But wait...

Two months later something finally shows up on our bill regarding call minder and us getting credit.

Funny thing is (only I wasn't laughing) instead of our monthly "rental activity" charges being $42.09 (which is the regular 49.09 minus the call minder fee) it reads $56.09.

So not only were we still being charged for call minder we were in fact being CHARGED DOUBLE.

No this got me quite annoyed and confused so I immediately attempted to contact Telecom with the 123 number. After spending the usual couple of minutes waiting for the automated crap to pass by I then get to listen to Dave Dobbyn and Split Enz etc for the umpteenth time this year.

I tried calling several times but alas I can never talk to a real life person.

So I think "stuff this" I'm not paying MORE than I should be so I recalculate my bill, taking off the 7 I was over charged, the 7 I should have received for credit and the 7 I should have got from the month before.

And low and behold the bill arrives today telling me I owe 21 dollars plus a 6 dollar late fee and ordering me to pay today!!!

So once again I dial the trusty 123 number and get through the automated rubbish again only to find that the selections don't work.

So I call back again and sit on hold for over 20 minutes but there's only so much unanswered dial tone that you can listen to without wanting to do something with the phone.

Now I know that whoever is reading this is not responsible for all the crap but somebody is and I want it sorted out.

If I'm not called personally to have the bill expalined and fixed then I'll have no choice but to cancel my Telecom service and go with somebody else.

It's just not fair to be treated this way.

anyway, I look forward to not having to wait too long.



Regarding Bennyasena's comments about the ridiculous reporting on league in the Herald. I can remember a few weeks ago the Rabbitohs (I think) beat somebody but the entire story read that they had lost. This dickwad had ASSUMED the Rabbitohs had lost even though the fucking scorecard was attached at the end of the story showing they had scored about 5 tries to 3 and won the fucking game! If you didn't watch the game or know what happened then DON'T WRITE A FUCKING STORY ON IT FOR THE CONSUMPTION OF TENS OF THOUSANDS!!!!

You useless cunt.

League and rumour 

Just found the finals calculator on the NRL website - so many hours are going to be whittled away formulating the Warriors path to the top 8.

I opened my Weakend Herald on Saturday to read the following crap:
Kemp said the team had done nothing different in preparation this week from the past three. While conceding they were gaining self-belief after notching two wins in a row for the second time this year, he said "consistency has been there all year, we've never not been in a game". But now it is not just about being in - they must win all the remaining games to get to the minimum 28 points needed to make the eight.


The Warriors are on 20 points and had five games to go when that was written.

If they had won all their remaining games - 5 x 2 = 10 - it would have given them 30 points plus their bye would give 'em 32 points.

I also read in their sport's briefs on Saturday that the Bulldogs had thrashed Roosters on Friday night and moved into the top 8. Huh?

The Dragons beat the Roosters on Friday. The Bulldogs played the Rabbits on Sunday and lost and are in ninth place.

League fans deserve better from the country's main paper.

Also there's a growing rumour that former league player and celebrity treasure island star Brent Todd has topped himself?

These guys ,who have no qualms about breaking name suppression, (ah the bulletproofness of yoof) reckon he has, but I can't find anything about it in the mainstream media.

Also check out the kiwi blog carnival over at notforsale.

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

The New
Blogging it Real supports the following sporting organisations