blogging it real

by chuck z

Sure he's a conservative from Palmerston North, but if there was a 'Politician Idol'-type reality TV show to find the best national politician, Simon Power would pip Grant Robertson in the final after seeing off Key, Parker (or Goff) and Joyce in the semis. A bit of a blow to the quality of our political management then, that he's leaving politics.

This generation's Minister for Everything is leaving ostensibly of his own accord, according to his personal plan, having done what he wanted. For a guy with so much power, the fact that he's giving it up freely just confirms that he's the guy you wanted having that much power, as it seems not to have corrupted him.

But what gives in National? First 'future leader' Katherine Rich gives it all up, then 'other future leader' Power does the same. Now the only other 'future leader' left in National's top ranks is another fucking multi-millionaire - Steve Joyce*.

The good leave. McCully the puppeteer, 'Rile' the Nasty SOB, Smith the whinger and Collins the executioner all stay. (To think that half that list aren't even honest enough to exit the closet speaks volumes.) Oh well, the leaders don't lead National anyway, Muzza does, and he won't go anywhere until he's staked through the heart.

*(In Joyce's defence he's not like that other multi-millionaire leading the Nats because 1) he's a committed NZer, having been here his entire career, and 2) he made his money by himself, starting small, taking his own risks and building up astutely over the years. That is far different from that Key guy who had his career overseas, and was good at gambling with other people's money, speculating on other's success while being an ultimate corporation man and never producing anything of value apart from his kids.)

Labels: john key, muzza mccully, national, politics

In a feeble and repugnant effort to defend the predictable impact of National's "tough on crime" (TM) legislative posturing - i.e., no impact whatsoever - the loathsome Judith "Crusher" Collins manages to both lie and try to pass the buck to the previous government. Who said she couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time?

"Why would anybody be surprised when we've inherited nine years of a Labour government, unfortunately no recognition from the previous government that methamphetamine was a problem," she said.

"We have a violent society and it has got more violent over the years and particularly amongst some young people who are unbelievably violent, and we can see it on the attacks on police and the fact that we have had to bring in Tasers," she said.

"We've only just rolled those out."

That would be the same labour government that made methamphetamine a Class A drug, and waged a prolonged "war" on its manufacture and distribution, then? National's subsequent contribution simply forcing people with colds to spread their viruses in doctor's waiting rooms in order to pay $35 for a prescription for effective relief.

And then there's young people of course. Bastards, the lot of them. Nothing a good "taze" won't fix though, eh?

Judith Collins - a bitch in the finest tradition of Jenny Shipley.

Labels: bloody youth, crime, drugs, judith collins, national

...before he's even appeared in court to face the charges. Nice.

I wonder who ratted him out, though? Could it be the long, moderately dark hand of the former MP for Tauraunga?

Labels: fraud, national

National Herald political columnist's puff piece on the abominable Nick Smith had our readers reaching for their vomitories. Instead of stating the obvious - that everything the erratic member for Nelson touches turns to poo, and that he lacks the intellect, the temperament and management skills to be sitting within 500 metres of any Cabinet table, Armstrong heaps on the praise. He's "self-disciplined", "self-confiden[t]" and "slippery". The latter apparently being a good thing.

One of our long-time readers, who wishes to be identified only as a prominent Hawkes Bay bee-keeper - was spluttering with outrage into his morning coffee. The following alternative adjectives were subsequently suggested for this one-time deputy leader of the National Party:

"liar"

"cocksucking little bottom-feeder"

"rat bastard mofo"

"despicable turd"

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off to read some grown professionals a story about a rat, in the tradition of that nice Mr Key's other star minister, Anne "dullard" Tolley.

Labels: Anne Tolley MP, bee-keeping, lickspittle herald watch, national, Nick Smith MP, outrage

While news that the Play School clock has been rediscovered in, of all places, Invercargill, is most welcome, not least of all because it might be reunited with Big Ted, Humpty, Manu and Jemima at Te Papa, I was horrified to learn that Little Ted was murdered on the last day of filming:

The bear's head was blown off in an explosion on the last day of filming. Former presenter Jacqui Dean, now a National MP but then known as Jacqui Hay, was quick to deny any responsibility for Little Ted's fate this week.

"I had nothing to do with it."

So, there you have it: National MP denies all knowledge in murder of beloved bear. If Jacqui Dean didn't do it, who did? The people demand answers. She's had years to prepare for this line of questioning, and needs to do better than "I had nothing to do with it."

She should be stood down from the National caucus until such time as a full and frank account of her knowledge of the incident is forthcoming.

Labels: little ted, murder, national

Here at BIR HQ we've been seething as we heard from mainstream media that most people just don't understand the issue at all, which is the most bitterly disappointing element of this fucking outrage.

We cannot believe that when a Minister abuses her access to departmental information for political reasons and thereby causes a serious breach of two individuals' privacy (she'd clearly breach the Privacy Act were she covered by it) the majority response is anger over the amount the two women receive in state support. Nevermind that a proportion of it likely comes via the fathers' child support payments to the IRD.

Poor show New Zealand! It's ironic that Paula Benefit and the public overlook the fact that Benefit surely approves of the amount they receive by virtue of the office she holds. She is responsible for the actions of her department, which determines and pays the support.

We know that there are privacy guidelines for Ministers that she followed (followed in the sense that she's a clueless bitch) but her actions were unprincipled in the extreme. It would have been illegal had her Ministry done it on her behalf. She has scored political points against two beneficiaries by abusing laws and then hiding behind the protections of her office. Fucking outrageous.

Our favourite analogy (from the Herald's "Your Views", where beneficiary bashers are in the majority about 20-1):

If I decide to go down to the local IRD office with a placard and protest that I am paying too much tax, I do not expect the IRD to release my tax records to the press.

Although it should read Peter Dunne, rather than "the IRD", which would increase the impact and accuracy!

Our favourite analysis (from norightturn):

The other question is where the matter stops. What say a minister decided to release the tax return details of a complainant? Or their shonky work history? Or some criminal conviction that had been long buried? Let's face it, it's not a fair fight (Colin Espiner)

And that's the real problem here. The government collects all sorts of information about us as part of its ordinary business - information on tax, crimes or criminal complaints, health, travel, education - and we expect that the relevant departments will generally keep that information private. We do not expect it to end up in the Minister's hands to be used as political ammunition if we dare to raise our voice.

The BIR Team

Labels: ird, nasty brutish and short, national, paula bennett mp

Who 'stole' Don Brash's emails? Now Labour is joining the old philanderer in calling for the Police file to be released in full. Said philanderer is muttering darkly about "political bias".

Methinks the trail leads very, very close to the top indeed. Say, about one step down from the top.

Zero Tolerence indeed.

Labels: budget, national, police

On the day the US pulls the plug on the long-awaited FTA (which National berated Labour for making no progress on as Government), the Government serves up a heapin' helpin' of conservative populism in the form of reinstated aristocratic titles. They're so antiquated that wives of auspicious men, but not the husbands of auspicious women, will pick up a title for their troubles, too! How quaint. Next we'll be choosing our Head of State on the basis of their being the first born son of the last one ... oh, hold on.

The best part is, these cost nothing, and are certain to dominate both the front pages and the water-cooler type chatter. A master-stroke and a first class diversion. There's probably only so many times you can get away with such tactics, but as an example of political management of the media it's second-to-none. Something Labour wasn't capable of in its third term as National's messages (nanny-state, blah blah) made all the noise.

Update: I just remembered I've written about this before, when Darth George called for the reinstatement of knight- and damehoods. Finally we have rejoined Papau New Guinea in distributing these things:

As for the first claim, titles like "Sir" are certainly distinctive in a way that prestigious honours like "ONZ" are not. This seems to be true and is unfortunate. But as for the claim that "he appellation Sir carries weight no matter where you go" ... well, you can't get it in Australia (finally ceased in 1986; highest award: Order of Australia), Canada (generally discontinued since 1919; highest award: Order of Canada), the United States, Ireland, South Africa (discontinued 1952), or too many other countries where English is widely spoken as far as I can tell. Except Papua New Guinea of course - perhaps that's what Darth means by "international".

Labels: aristocrats, free trade not so fast, media, national, papua new guinea, spin

A bunch of rich-looking white guys got together to think about how to save yo' jobs. They produced three ideas: 1/ Cutting your working hours, and your pay, by 10%; 2/ The government borrowing money (from whom, I wonder) to give to business (quelle surprise); and 3/ A length-of-the-country cycleway.

The biggest problem here: how exactly will the hundreds-of-thousands of cash-rich cycle-mad tourists cross Auckland Harbour? 'Cos they sure can't go across the bridge.

Labels: brutal death would be too good for them, cycling, national

I caught CSI for the first time in ages the other night, and bugger me if Morpheus didn't show up to solve the case. I'd heard William Petersen, who plays Gil Grisham (one of my favourite characters on the show), was leaving, but had no idea his replacement would be an actor as cool and engaging as Lawrence "Larry" Fishburne. Petersen is only 56, so quite why he decided to bow out so young is curious; Fishburne is only 47 but is made to appear much older in the show (perhaps through addition of more grey to his hair?) He's certainly a bit bigger than he was in Apocalypse Now. ;-)

In other news, some Cantabrians were "terrorised all weekend" - not by al-Qaeda, but by, um, traffic. Apparently boy racers going no where fast are now "the acceptable face of 'terror'". Methinks the editor at the Christchurch Press needs to exercise a little control over such sensationalist shit. And perhaps buy his 'journalists' a fucking thesaurus or two.

National is following through on its election promise to play favourites with certain University graduates by paying down a bit of their student loan if they stay in the country. It's a shame the scheme doesn't apply to journalists, the country could sure use some right now.

Tough times mean Bill English is signalling severe restraint (and possibly fair enough) ... in every area except tax cuts which only benefit those above the average wage, or thereabouts. Maybe National could disinter such nasty 90s legends as Simon Upton and Max Bradford to slash a few budgets, hike a few fees, and ensure National returns to form.

And there was a very sad death on the otherwise unexceptional Candia Rd. I've always enjoyed driving it, but apparently it's a known blackspot.

Labels: boy racers, morpheus, national, playing favourites, taxes, terrorism, TV

Consider the following stories from today's papers, and then consider how they would be reported if we still had a Labour-led government. I'll colour code the alternate headlines for the purpose of emphasis.


Today's story 1:

Boy-racer law ready in six months
The Government is looking at law changes to create a new boy racer-related offence and will give police powers to take cars off repeat offenders. ...

Mr Key said it would take four to six weeks to draft legislation, which could pass within six months.

"We are not going to put up with what we saw in Christchurch."

Alternate headline in event of Labour-led government:

Relief for besieged communities half a year away


Today's story 2:

PM runs bank 'health check'

The prime minister has taken the extraordinary step of seeking personal assurances from the big four Australian-owned banks that they are healthy and will be fair to consumers.

John Key revealed yesterday that he met the head of ANZ-National on Thursday in the Beehive and visited Westpac, ASB and BNZ in Auckland on Friday.

Alternate headline in event of Labour-led government:

Government intervenes, but powerless to act in event of bank failure


Today's story 3:

Key rules out big rise in minimum wage

A hefty rise in the minimum wage is being ruled out as the recession bites.

Prime Minister John Key confirmed yesterday that the Government would consider a Labour Department paper next week, canvassing options including linking future rises to inflation. But with businesses struggling through a severe downturn, the Government is under pressure to keep a lid on wage costs.

Alternate headline in event of Labour-led government:

Inflation-indexed increase will send thousands to dole queue


Today's story 4:

Cabinet crew to join boss on return to Te Tii

Former prime minister Helen Clark steered clear of Te Tii after her entourage was jostled by protesters in 2004, and preferred to attend the official Waitangi commemorations.

Mr Key is returning to Te Tii after going there as Opposition leader last year. He said yesterday that it had always been his intention to return as prime minister.

Alternate headline in event of Labour-led government:

Labour plucks up courage in face of more Maori threats

Labels: labour, lickspittle herald watch, media, national

I don't think anyone realized that the new government's 100 days of action would actually begin with about 20 days of action, followed by 60 days of slumber. Don't worry though, because Bill English sure ain't. He's remarkably chipper:

"People are pretty resilient around this recession," he told reporters.
"Where 20 years ago they might have been paralysed by the prospect of a economic downturn we are talking to businesses, to people on the shop floor, to civil servants – who are rolling up their sleeves ready to do what needs to be done."

Well I know your job is secure for the length of the electoral cycle, Bill, but how would you feel if you were stuck for another two years paying 8.5% on a mortgage worth more than the current market value of your house, with the very real danger of your household income being halved in the immediate future due to one partner being made redundant?

I'm betting you'd be getting pretty close to "paralysis" due to that sensation known as fear.

Hell, even Darth George is getting fed up with your government's do nothing attitude.

Not even a bag of hammers?

It's not that people hold National responsible for the local consequences of world-wide recession (although the baying mob will tell you it's Labour's fault for, um ... I dunno, not capitalizing on good times, or something), or that anyone believes it has a silver bullet unavailable to any other government, but it should at least look lively.

The "nothing to see here, move along" approach just won't cut it.

Labels: darth george, national, paralyzed by fear

Transport Minister on the buses already proclaims the breathless New Zealand Herald, welcoming Steven Joyce, a guy no one's ever heard of, to his new portfolio.

Later in the article it expands on the headline with the following revelation: "Mr Joyce volunteered that he had just ridden the Northern Busway in recent days and had a positive experience."

Well fuck me.

It subsequently transpires that this was the trip in question, one-way from the city to the North Shore, was the first Mr Joyce has taken in a long time (in living memory perhaps).

Now with the Crown Limo at his service I doubt he'll be venturing forth on public transport again for a while.

But yes you read it in the Herald first: "New, really rich, Transport Minister caught bus once"

Labels: lickspittle herald watch, national

I notice around West Auckland lots of National billboards featuring Paula Bennett and John Key together. On many of them they have splayed a large green sticker over Paula Bennett saying "A proud westie". Funny they should make a deal out of that when John Key, next to her in the billboard, is running for Helensville but lives in Epsom and has never lived in West Auckland. In fact I'm wondering if he even knows where his office is in Huapai. I can give him directions if he's forgotten.

Maybe a little more thought into trying to score points next time aye folks?

And getting my tip in early, National is going to wipe the floor with Labour. I'm tipping they may get enough votes to govern alone. Possibly needing a couple from ACT.

And then we can watch as Labour lite basically slightly undermines everything Labour has done in the past 9 years and not much else.

It's time for change and a brighter future. Although we aren't going to change anything and have no idea how we are going to make the future any brighter.

On another note, if you ever wondered about the herald readership online.... political commentators were calling the 'debate' last night as a win for Clark. But an online Herald survey had 75% of repondents saying Key won it. brrrrrrrt.

I propose that all future polls ask 2 questions. 1) which political party did you last vote for followed by the survey question. That would then make the results of their surveys way the fuck more informative.

Labels: labour, national, NZ election 2008

[SPECIAL GUEST POST: THE PAULIE WALNUTS OF NZ SPORTS BLOGGING, LEGBREAK]

Labour

The Clark government has, on the whole, been a good one.

Note the past tense.

They got elected on the back of a Winston infested crumbling and corrupt government and that's the way they're going to go out.

For all the faults in the US constitution they have that good rule that you can't go for a 3rd term. Power corrupts etc. And this latest term has proved that, in the way that the last Gin-soaked years of Muldoon price and wage freezes and the last decaying years of the Shipley-Kopu Alliance proved that.

The Clark administration was built on competence and integrity, and rightly so. Benson-Pope was dumped, drink drivers were put out in the recycling bin. At last we had standards.

But the venal apologetic way Winston has been dealt with (yes Winston) has generated a cloud over what was the biggest selling point.

And the way the beat-up over Key's (successful) past this week is probably the final straw.

He was in banking in the 80s; some bankers in the 80s committed crimes. That's right; therefore all Maori MPs are gang members and drug dealers.

And then there is Cullen. The worst Tory finance minister this country has ever had (Muldoon was a socialist).

Smug Pommie shit who wasted the Golden years.

On the positive side, Clayton Cosgrove answered our questionaire.

National

Good points; they're fresh. Well, almost fresh. And in John Key they have the only leader who wasn't around last time. And the way he stumbles over a sentence is a bit endearing.

They have Chris Finlayson; by a mile the best MP in the house.

And the haven't been in government for a while.

Bad points: All the 90s brigade. Lockwood small-hands Smith, McCully who won't answer our sporting questionairre, English, and Tony Ryall.

And the fact that Peter Dunne has lumped his support in with them doesn't look good.

The way Key stumbles over a sentence is a bit embarrassing.

Tony Ryall.

They are probably the best of a bad bunch.

That doesn't mean I'll vote for them though.

Labels: john key, labour, national, NZ election 2008, sportsfreak, Winston First

Today, Darth is a stout defender of liberty! Unfortunately for him, the freedom he longs for is unlikely to be delivered by any likely National Government. He in fact espouses the 'nanny state / pc gone mad' rhetoric common to ACT and Libertarianz supporters (and a large proportion of the Your Views community), but not the current National Party.

After asserting strangely that no one gives a damn about the economy, tax cuts, the environment, privatization, or working for families (contrary to all that, y'know, polling stuff), Ole Smokey declares the election is actually about "the freedom of the individual to live his or her life with as little interference as possible from the state, its politicians and minions."

I didn't know that Darth was a supporter of drug liberalization, the decriminalization of prostitution, and (by a small stretch of the imagination) civil unions - in that the latter allow consenting adults to receive official recognition of their own choices about domestic partnership, rather than the choices of the state.

Of course, Darth doesn't actually care about any of these liberties: instead he claims he doesn't want the state telling families how best to spend their money (too bad government spending as a proportion of GDP is essentially the same under Labour as it was under National), how to use their property (Darth, I look forward to building a tannery next to your suburban Rotorua home), and how we run our families (apparently Darth's concern for liberty doesn't extend to the rights of children not to be assaulted by their parents).

What else does Darth want?

" to fill up our cars" - Surely Labour, the biggest road builders NZ has seen in a long time, would agree with this?

"turn on our heaters" - Labour supports warm homes. And will even help low-income families ensure that heat doesn't disappear straight through an uninsulated ceiling.

"light our homes" - I have no idea where he's going with this. I, for one, wish Darth couldn't see his keyboard sometimes, but even so, is there a political party opposed to home lighting?

"run our taps (and showers)" - building standards are not a threat to this, Darth.

"eat our food, smoke a cigarette, have a few drinks" - here's the crux of the matter, Darth doesn't like health promotion. But that isn't a Labour government initiative, Darth - you fuckwit - and is certain to continue under National. Lest that overburdened health care system you so frequently bemoan be crippled under the weight of the obese, emphysematic and chronically inebriated.

"sell land or buy or develop property" - where the fuck have you been for the last 9 years, Darth? Do you not recall a property boom of heretofore unseen proportions?

And it's all about freedom from presidential-style politics. We want - nay, need - to be rid of a dictatorial leader so that consensus politics again has a chance to flourish.

Yes, I distinctly recall the consensual style of the last National government, as they went about raping and pillaging.

Labour makes much of its Working for Families scheme, but its inventors don't seem to realise that recipients would much rather have that money in direct income tax rebates.

They don't want to have to go cap in hand to Inland Revenue, fill in interminable forms that want to know everything about them and theirs except what they had for breakfast or when they last went to the toilet.

And they don't want to be left feeling beholden to the Government for the largesse when they could have received the same amount directly in tax breaks without it costing them, as taxpayers, as much again as they receive in administration costs.

None of us who don't qualify begrudges families a financial boost, but there are better ways to do it.

I'll explain this in terms you can understand, Darth: NATIONAL HAS PROMISED NOT TO CHANGE WORKING FOR FAMILIES.

I guess the poor, unfortunate families offered tax relief under this immensely popular scheme will continue the hardship of filling out "interminable forms". Dick.

The Greens have made it clear, fortunately, that they won't have a bar of National. They will, therefore, be powerless in the new Parliament so a vote for them is essentially wasted.

So voting for a party likely to be in opposition is a wasted vote is it, Darth? You truly are a disgrace.

He ends with the height of humour, likening Helen Clark to a shrew.

I hope you choke on your Rothmans, old man.

Labels: darth george, dickheads, herald, ird, national, NZ election 2008

The company that used to pay John Key's salary, before you and I started picking up the bill, is all but bust.

I haven't quite been able to find the right words to characterize the crisis, and the ongoing absurdity of National doing the old "massive tax cuts for all, and more social spending in your favourite areas", but luckily others have done so for me.

First, Blake on PA_system offers some insight into the US situation:

The USA has been borrowing to consume [ed- and wage an entirely 'voluntary' war]. Nobody has loaned the USA money to build factories, to build infrastructure. They have nothing to show for the trillions of dollars the world has loaned them except empty houses, plasma TVs, SUVS.They have blown the money on consumption and this is the problem. Ultimately the solution for the rest of the world is to stop lending them money, let the dollar collapse, let the US economy implode, and the rest of the world just try and go about its business.

There is relevance to the NZ election campaign, as Steve, also on PA_System points out:

National is promising tax cuts even though they are predicated on the formerly prosperous environment applying PRIOR to the implosion of the property bubble, the consequent finance company crashes and the recession now underway.

And a private correspondent offered this measured but nevertheless incisive analysis:

The credit crisis is quite similar to many other financial crises in that it was caused by greed and speculation, and that it was perpetrated by professionals and corporations who knew better but were blinded by the prospect of enrichment. The fact that Wall St's great investment houses have fallen is due process as far as I'm concerned.

I hope we can now say that John Key's "real world experience" casts him firmly as part of the problem rather than as a solution to our problems.

Labels: idiots, john key, national, taxes

One of National's challenges over the last few months is that its official spokespeople keep revealing its true intentions, which are very much in the mould of the "nasty 90s National Party", rather than the "Labour Lite with a throw back to Think Big" vision articulated by Mssrs Key and English.

Yesterday, neo-liberal rightist Maurice Williamson announces tolls of $10/day for significant new roads (which an ingenious journalist surmises is indeed $50/working week) ... only to be cut down today by neo-conservative rightist and long-time foe Bill English who pulls the much lower, barely headline-worthy figure of $20 out of his southern ass.

Keep at it guys, you've clearly learned a lot since you last banged heads.

Labels: english v williamson, national, nineties all over again

National, having presided over a vast increase in structural unemployment in the 1990s, now professes to know nothing of it. Apparently, by some remarkable convenience, there are now exactly as many jobs as there are adults of working age in New Zealand.

As for requiring those on the DPB to work or train 15 hours a week ... there's a pretty bloody narrow window between 9.30 am and 2.30 pm in which to travel and work without the weight of childcare responsibility.

Nine years in Opposition and this is the best National can do. Long may they be confined to the Opposition benches.

Labels: national, nineties all over again, NZ election 2008, welfare

Sure, there's more heat than light in the media analysis of the "shocking" revelations that National is still actually a right wing party, and - as in 1990 - are willing to promise a "Decent Society" while secretly-planning vicious neoliberal assaults on the fabric of the country - but it is nice to see the media change tack after countless months of bashing Labour at every opportunity.

A nice breather, really, although I still don't need Duncan Garner and his ilk to tell me who today's winners and losers are.

I already knew Lockwood Smith was a right wing arsehole, for example.

Labels: media, national, nineties all over again, TV news