blogging it real

by chuck z

Sure he's a conservative from Palmerston North, but if there was a 'Politician Idol'-type reality TV show to find the best national politician, Simon Power would pip Grant Robertson in the final after seeing off Key, Parker (or Goff) and Joyce in the semis. A bit of a blow to the quality of our political management then, that he's leaving politics.

This generation's Minister for Everything is leaving ostensibly of his own accord, according to his personal plan, having done what he wanted. For a guy with so much power, the fact that he's giving it up freely just confirms that he's the guy you wanted having that much power, as it seems not to have corrupted him.

But what gives in National? First 'future leader' Katherine Rich gives it all up, then 'other future leader' Power does the same. Now the only other 'future leader' left in National's top ranks is another fucking multi-millionaire - Steve Joyce*.

The good leave. McCully the puppeteer, 'Rile' the Nasty SOB, Smith the whinger and Collins the executioner all stay. (To think that half that list aren't even honest enough to exit the closet speaks volumes.) Oh well, the leaders don't lead National anyway, Muzza does, and he won't go anywhere until he's staked through the heart.

*(In Joyce's defence he's not like that other multi-millionaire leading the Nats because 1) he's a committed NZer, having been here his entire career, and 2) he made his money by himself, starting small, taking his own risks and building up astutely over the years. That is far different from that Key guy who had his career overseas, and was good at gambling with other people's money, speculating on other's success while being an ultimate corporation man and never producing anything of value apart from his kids.)

Labels: john key, muzza mccully, national, politics

Prime Minister John Key surprised the Press Gallery with an announcement today that he had ordered a vasectomy for the country, after concluding that its population was just too dumb to reproduce, having yet again voted his party into power. In the silence that followed, Mr Key elaborated, saying that the steady hand of Muzza McCully had "fixed the problem once and for all", sparing the nation's manhood the indignity of rough treatment at the hands of "Crusher Collins" or "that idiot woman from Rotorua who dresses like a caricature of a Westie."

Labels: john key, judith collins, national stole your manhood, paula bennett mp

Official Desk of the Son of the Prime Minister

To: All Ministers

Re: Shares

I am not a dumping ground for your shitty fucking shares! I don't want $31 of penny dreadfuls Muzza (and watch yourself at my dad's BBQ next time) - or any other share portfolios that won't even buy me a dozen beers when I turn 16 (assuming I could sell them, which will obviously be difficult, since you can't). It's like I said to Dad when he tried to dump some dodgy stock on me: "Fuck off Dad, I'm not even a fucking capitalist, and I'm going to vote for the fucking Alliance just to teach you a lesson when I'm 18. Now close the fucking door and let me listen to my iPod in peace."

Signed,

Son of John

Labels: john key, muzza mccully, penny dreadfuls

Meddler Key and Aggrandizement Sharples are now proposing a joint TVNZ, MTS and TV3 bid for Forceback 2011. Quoth Te Herald: "The final, semifinals, bronze medal game and the quarterfinals will be live on all three channels."

Right, and what about the 3 million New Zealanders who don't want to watch rugby union, judging by the fact that only 1 million bothered to tune in to watch the All Blacks' (generally unexpected) quarter-final loss to France last time, broadcast free-to-air by TV3 at a reasonable hour on a Sunday morning?

I guess they could always go outside for a walk, or whatever. Christ, isn't it bad enough these poor bastards will be underwriting 2/3rds of the event's losses, currently optimistically estimated at $39 million.

Labels: forceback, john key, Parti Maori, pita sharples, rugby world cup, taxes

P substitute 'not as good' blurts the Dominion Post.

Yes, what will the poor P-heads do when they have to turn to inferior alternatives like alcohol?

What the story is actually referring to is the inefficacy of phenylephrine in cold- and flu-type drugs, relative to the soon-to-be restricted pseudoephedrine (which is not "P", but rather one of its many ingredients, a point seemingly lost on the sub-editors at the Dom Post). Hint: the "P" stands for "pure methamphetamine" not "pseudoephedrine". Morons.

Well-known pharmacist John Key is quoted as saying that phenylephrine is a "safe and effective alternative" to pseudoephedrine (which is also safe and effective, by most accounts), although there doesn't seem to be a lot of support for that position among, y'know, actual pharmacists.

In a dismal effort to promote balance, the Dom Post story concludes by listing "CRIMES COMMITTED WHILE ON P" - but lists only six. Perhaps they mean "Examples of crimes committed while on P?"

I look forward to the forthcoming expose on "CRIMES COMMITTED WHILE ON ALCOHOL". That well-known inferior alternative.

Legalize!

Labels: drugs, dumbasses, john key, media

History teaches us that Waitangi is the place at which New Zealand Prime Ministers (and Leaders of the Opposition, for that matter) are most likely to be assaulted. It has a singular, and uniquely crap, quality in this regard. Pretty much everyone who's ever taken the slightest interest in the event knows this. You'd think the Prime Minister's security detail would too.

Instead, the PM has been out of his car for what, 45 seconds, when he is assaulted by not one, but two, belligerent Maori males. In the end no great harm was done, and the two schmucks have been arrested and await trial, but did anyone else notice how slow the PM's security was to react?

As it was, the PM ended up in a rather painful-looking tug-o-war with the second attacker pulling him one way by the neck/shoulder, and old rent-a-quote Harawira pulling him the other way by the arm. This lasted for a good couple of seconds before the DPS managed to move in (sluggishly).

Labels: belligerence, Diplomatic Protection Squad, incompetent time wasting fucks, john key, painful tugs-o-war, waitangi

John Key fell down and broke his arm. I look forward to the usual suspect posting video footage on his blog, thereby inviting the ridicule and hate-filled invective of the baying mob.

Labels: baying mob, john key

[SPECIAL GUEST POST: THE PAULIE WALNUTS OF NZ SPORTS BLOGGING, LEGBREAK]

Labour

The Clark government has, on the whole, been a good one.

Note the past tense.

They got elected on the back of a Winston infested crumbling and corrupt government and that's the way they're going to go out.

For all the faults in the US constitution they have that good rule that you can't go for a 3rd term. Power corrupts etc. And this latest term has proved that, in the way that the last Gin-soaked years of Muldoon price and wage freezes and the last decaying years of the Shipley-Kopu Alliance proved that.

The Clark administration was built on competence and integrity, and rightly so. Benson-Pope was dumped, drink drivers were put out in the recycling bin. At last we had standards.

But the venal apologetic way Winston has been dealt with (yes Winston) has generated a cloud over what was the biggest selling point.

And the way the beat-up over Key's (successful) past this week is probably the final straw.

He was in banking in the 80s; some bankers in the 80s committed crimes. That's right; therefore all Maori MPs are gang members and drug dealers.

And then there is Cullen. The worst Tory finance minister this country has ever had (Muldoon was a socialist).

Smug Pommie shit who wasted the Golden years.

On the positive side, Clayton Cosgrove answered our questionaire.

National

Good points; they're fresh. Well, almost fresh. And in John Key they have the only leader who wasn't around last time. And the way he stumbles over a sentence is a bit endearing.

They have Chris Finlayson; by a mile the best MP in the house.

And the haven't been in government for a while.

Bad points: All the 90s brigade. Lockwood small-hands Smith, McCully who won't answer our sporting questionairre, English, and Tony Ryall.

And the fact that Peter Dunne has lumped his support in with them doesn't look good.

The way Key stumbles over a sentence is a bit embarrassing.

Tony Ryall.

They are probably the best of a bad bunch.

That doesn't mean I'll vote for them though.

Labels: john key, labour, national, NZ election 2008, sportsfreak, Winston First

Somewhat predictably, the USD700 billion corporate raid on public accounts is insufficient to prop up US capitalism.

Yet, the DomPost declares that our "Prime-Minister-in-waiting" remains "upbeat". Well, thank Christ for that. Actually, if I was polling 52% this close to an election, on the back of not much effort, and with a shadow Cabinet full of scary 90s neoliberals and that horrid Collins woman, I'd be pretty fucking upbeat too. No matter how hard Michael Cullen (personally responsible for the current worldwide downturn, in its entirety, suggests the New Zealand Herald), "rains on my parade."

FOR FUCK'S SAKE.

It will be interesting to see how the financial meltdown plays out during the Canadian federal election, Oct 14th. Live drunken blogging right here if anyone's interested.

Meanwhile, a bad week for our resident comments man. And I'm not just talking about his share portfolio. First his beloved Storm are given a sound thrashing in the Grand Final, then a certain Southland Mayor claims to have banged his favourite MP!

Labels: capitalism, herald, john key, media, nrl grand final, politics

The company that used to pay John Key's salary, before you and I started picking up the bill, is all but bust.

I haven't quite been able to find the right words to characterize the crisis, and the ongoing absurdity of National doing the old "massive tax cuts for all, and more social spending in your favourite areas", but luckily others have done so for me.

First, Blake on PA_system offers some insight into the US situation:

The USA has been borrowing to consume [ed- and wage an entirely 'voluntary' war]. Nobody has loaned the USA money to build factories, to build infrastructure. They have nothing to show for the trillions of dollars the world has loaned them except empty houses, plasma TVs, SUVS.They have blown the money on consumption and this is the problem. Ultimately the solution for the rest of the world is to stop lending them money, let the dollar collapse, let the US economy implode, and the rest of the world just try and go about its business.

There is relevance to the NZ election campaign, as Steve, also on PA_System points out:

National is promising tax cuts even though they are predicated on the formerly prosperous environment applying PRIOR to the implosion of the property bubble, the consequent finance company crashes and the recession now underway.

And a private correspondent offered this measured but nevertheless incisive analysis:

The credit crisis is quite similar to many other financial crises in that it was caused by greed and speculation, and that it was perpetrated by professionals and corporations who knew better but were blinded by the prospect of enrichment. The fact that Wall St's great investment houses have fallen is due process as far as I'm concerned.

I hope we can now say that John Key's "real world experience" casts him firmly as part of the problem rather than as a solution to our problems.

Labels: idiots, john key, national, taxes

Last night TV3 carried two non-truck related politics stories, both fed to them by "poor little rich party National." First, John Key had a whine that someone had put a mildly critical video about him on youtube. Cry me a river. (TV3 anxious to point out link to said video, previously unheard of, available through its site). Second, National complained that members of the public were sending them mass-printed postcards critical of privatization. This correspondence from the public was met with threats of litigation from Bill "bring back the Birch" English. Nice.

Labels: john key, media, national, politics, TV news, whiny bitches

Contrary to media opinion, I'm happy to live in a country where incumbent governments aren't guaranteed to win 'elections'.

In fact, I believe there's a word for the kind of country where the return of the party in power is assured, and then regularly rake in, y'know, 99.8% of the popular vote.

Key, who apparently sees recognition of democracy as a sign of Cabinet disunity, can STFU too. Would he prefer Goff go around proclaiming "There's absolutely no way we can lose this election, because I've personally filled in all the ballots myself."

Because that's the alternative. Dickhead.

Labels: democracy, dickheads, john key, media

For a party sitting pretty on over 50% popular support, National is sure making an ass of itself in announcing its quasi-policy.

On tax: "Labour won't be offering you much this week. We'll offer $50 a week for the average person! Have we costed that out? Err, no, not really, how about $40 then? That has to be affordable, right? Now, where were we, that's right, tax relief for those in the top tax bracket are our number one priority. What's that? The average person doesn't actually earn that much? Well, bugger me."

On the emissions trading scheme: "We support this, and need to move urgently on it. Definitely the way forward. Wait a minute, we don't support this anymore. It really sucks."

How much duplicity can 53% of voters put up with from this slippery mob?

I don't have a lot of faith in John Boy to write or maintain policy. If National gets in, methinks some familiar faces with ominous "policy experience" will actually be making the play. Such delights as Ryall, Smith, Williamson, and McCully ... joined by Bill "Successor to Bill Birch" English, and Judith "The New Shipley" Collins.

Labels: john key, national, taxes

Posted on behalf of Bennyasena:

John Key paying $1.47 to win the election at centrebet.

HC paying $2.60.

Good performance there from Key considering I can't think of one thing he's done or one policy that's significantly different.

[Editor's note: I think he is willing to mouth a prayer at Waitangi to a deity he doesn't believe in, which HC won't. And hongi with Maori radicals with dubious enthusiasm for firearms. HC also steers clear of this.]

[Editor's note numero dos: anyone else wondering if John Key is like Hillary Clinton - both run for office because they can (and because they can win), not because they appear to believe in anything? To clarify: I would still rather see Hillary in the White House than a Republican, but she, like John, appears to be, well, hollow.]

Labels: john key, politics, waitangi

So, compassionate conservatism now is it? Beats National's short-lived attempt to brand itself in terms of "radical conservatism" circa 2000. A Herald report at the time (not online) noted that one Jenny Shipley was successfully ridiculed in Parliament for trying to adopt that label, following what must have been an awful scene at a Napier conference in which "she was piped in to the Wild Thing tune."

In any case the now little-lamented Jim Sutton pointed out for the benefit of the House that "Jenny Shipley was not the first to declare herself a radical conservative, even though she said it was her own creation":

She shared the label with some of America's ultra-conservative, anti-gay, anti-abortion and pro-gun rednecks who supported the total decriminalisation of drugs. [Editor's note: what's wrong with that last bit?]

The political principles of a fellow radical conservative on the Net were reported by Mr Sutton: "The pro-gun radical organisation's site describes gun control as the first act of tyranny.

"The organisation's founder - that's the one in the United States - describes himself as a hard-rocking heterosexual male who is a life member of the National Rifle Association.

"He says: 'I fervently support the death penalty and prayer in school. I believe homosexuality is a sin and a choice'."

The best came last.

"'I also believe you do not have the right to burn an American flag and if you do, I reserve the right to express my freedom of expression by making you a patient in a critical-care unit'."

Mr Sutton's verdict: "This is the kind of soft face of National for the 21st century."

Abraham Lincoln had also been intrigued by the meaning of conservatism. Was it not adherence to the old and tired against the new and untried?

With such a boring image, it was no wonder Mrs Shipley needed Wild Thing.

"Wild thing, you make everything groovy," said Mr Sutton, intoning the lyrics with all the passion of a herd-testing report.

"Wild thing, I think I love you."

Compassionate conservatism too has strong US roots - see one former Governor of Texas running for US President circa 2000. The same buffoon who started an unnecessary war on the basis of a pack of lies apparent to your average 10 year old, created a massive budget deficit, and would be unelectable in almost any country in the world.

Enough already! Over on Public Address, RB reports on an actual visit to the much-maligned McGehan Close in Owairaka (actually part of the Mt Roskill electorate) and an interesting conversation ensues.

Labels: john key, politics