blogging it real

I caught CSI for the first time in ages the other night, and bugger me if Morpheus didn't show up to solve the case. I'd heard William Petersen, who plays Gil Grisham (one of my favourite characters on the show), was leaving, but had no idea his replacement would be an actor as cool and engaging as Lawrence "Larry" Fishburne. Petersen is only 56, so quite why he decided to bow out so young is curious; Fishburne is only 47 but is made to appear much older in the show (perhaps through addition of more grey to his hair?) He's certainly a bit bigger than he was in Apocalypse Now. ;-)

In other news, some Cantabrians were "terrorised all weekend" - not by al-Qaeda, but by, um, traffic. Apparently boy racers going no where fast are now "the acceptable face of 'terror'". Methinks the editor at the Christchurch Press needs to exercise a little control over such sensationalist shit. And perhaps buy his 'journalists' a fucking thesaurus or two.

National is following through on its election promise to play favourites with certain University graduates by paying down a bit of their student loan if they stay in the country. It's a shame the scheme doesn't apply to journalists, the country could sure use some right now.

Tough times mean Bill English is signalling severe restraint (and possibly fair enough) ... in every area except tax cuts which only benefit those above the average wage, or thereabouts. Maybe National could disinter such nasty 90s legends as Simon Upton and Max Bradford to slash a few budgets, hike a few fees, and ensure National returns to form.

And there was a very sad death on the otherwise unexceptional Candia Rd. I've always enjoyed driving it, but apparently it's a known blackspot.

Labels: boy racers, morpheus, national, playing favourites, taxes, terrorism, TV

Until about 10 minutes ago I had apparently lost the will to blog. But thankfully the venerable New Zealand Herald has reinvigorated me. When pausing to refill my coffee cup in the lunch room I noticed the following two lift out sections in today's edition:

Carbonwise (Byline - Part 3 of 5: Transport)
Super Wheels (Byline - Speeding Up)

I think Homer Simpson said it best when he once asked: "Do I know what irony means?"

The first of these lift outs (over which I have spilled my coffee in an accidental but strangely satisfying manner) is in large part an advertorial, but it does at least include mention of such things as a supposedly forthcoming 660cc i-Car from Mitsubishi. The second is in even larger part an advertorial, promoting such dubious pleasures as a supercharger kit for your Holden V8, so you too can join the "Fast and the Furious" (actual headline - what happened to the first "the"?)

Do two sections of completely opposed intent constitute balance? I am reminded on an ongoing gripe of George Monbiot. This is what he had to say back in October:

The BBC drops Planet Relief for fear of breaching its impartiality guidelines: heaven forbid that it should come out against mass death. But it broadcasts a programme - Top Gear - that puts a match to its guidelines every week, and now looks about as pertinent as the Black and White Minstrel Show. The schedules are crammed with shows urging us to travel further, drive faster, build bigger, buy more, yet none of them are deemed to offend the rules, which really means that they don’t offend the interests of business or the pampered sensibilities of the Aga class. The media, driven by fear and advertising, is hopelessly biased towards the consumer economy and against the biosphere.

More recently, on the topic of speed cameras, he took another (deserved) swipe:

Nowhere is more nonsense spoken about this issue than on the BBC. Its Top Gear series has become a sort of looking-glass Crimewatch, in which the presenters enlist the public to help criminals foil the police. There are tips on how to avoid prosecution and endless suggestions that speed cameras are useless or counter-productive. The tone was set in 2002, when the team demonstrated that you could beat the cameras by driving past them at 170mph(5).

As an aside, should I feel bad about agreeing with Monbiot, but still really enjoying Top Gear? Nah. Will I watch Top Gear on Prime tonight? Probably. If I do, will I find it to a great laugh? Ahh, yes.

Anyway, back to the august Herald, about which I've taken a few swipes lately, along with many of my disposition. A quick browse of Carbonwise revealed at least one howler. On page 12, under "Trends to Watch" it reports that "Oil is here to stay" and that we should "Forget peak oil - the world is not about to run out of the stuff." Which displays a spectacular absence of understanding of what peak oil is about. Running out of "the stuff" is called ... well, "running out of the stuff", or perhaps something like "resource exhaustion". Peak Oil is the point at which oil extraction reaches its maximum rate, after which supply falls, and it becomes progressively more difficult and more expensive to extract oil from the ground.

Anyway, I'm just back from Australia. Tropical North Queensland to be precise. The night before my second boat trip out to the Reef I saw the following headline on the evening news: "Great Barrier Reef may be gone in 10 years: report." In one sense it affirmed my intention to spend a small fortune visiting it the next day. On the other, I couldn't help wonder about another irony: will the carbon emissions associated with my return flight (Auckland-Cairns), my ground transport (including 4 days behind the wheel of a rented Hyundai Getz with spectacularly bad wheel alignment), and my boat trips, contribute to the Reef's demise?

It wasn't helped the next day when a crew member on board the boat proudly announced we would be burning 1000 litres of diesel to get out to the Reef and back to Port Douglas again.

Fuck irony, I say. Port Douglas is a great town though, and reef snorkelling well worth it. I found Nemo, and a large number of his relatives, for example.

Labels: boy racers, driving, environment, herald, peak oil, stupidification, travel, TV news

Two 14 year olds rob a house of a cache of guns, including a .303 hunting rifle, then take off on a horse, before switching (very sensibly) to a Ford Falcon XR6 "sports saloon." (Who the fuck knew anyone still called them "sports saloons"?). Locals are reported to be "angered" because "these things happen only in Auckland".

Yeah, too fucking right ... every house is practically overflowing with hunting rifles up here in the big smoke. These massive urban arsenals practically beg your average 14 year old to break in and take off on the nearest horse. I can hardly sleep some nights for the noise of gunshots further down the ghetto.

For fuck's sake, why does the media report this rubbish? I sleep fine except for the boy-racers on Friday night (hardly unique to Auckland, eh?) and the local kids discovering a cache of ... fireworks ... once in a while. As for guns ... never owned one, never fired one, lived in Auckland 25 odd years. I'd be next to useless in the forthcoming Zombie apocalypse.

47%

The other week another bumpkin told me they didn't want all the beaches in the area developed "like what's happened up in Auckland." So, that would explain why, within a 25 minute drive of my house, I can be walking along Bethells Beach, feeling like it's the end of the earth, with not another person (let alone a house) to be seen?

Back to our 14 year old armed offenders ... PC Plod has already made the link to "American-style video game[s]." Fuck, I knew the Americans were responsible for this somehow! Of course, if there was a GTA: Sydney or GTA: Saigon developed by non-American programmers no one would play it. (Disclaimer: such games may already exist, for all I know). Why stop with video games though? Surely Bonnie and Clyde are the original "American bad examples for youth" (TM)?

You can guess who the bumpkins blame for coastal development too ... Americans.

Someone tell Tariana Turia!!

I've used "fuck" a lot in this post in an effort to boost our unacceptability for young eyes. So far mingle has only picked up:

* shit (6x)
* fuck (4x)
* crap (3x)
* hell (2x)
* fucking (1x)

Labels: auckland, boy racers, bumpkins, fucking, racism, turia, zombies

There's a bit of publicity at the moment for boy racers (actually there is every other week) about cracking down on them for shitty driving behaviour. Now that's fair enough but as long as the police crack down on all shitty driving (and I've seen it from all and sundry, often middle aged men and beyond) then that should be good enough.

The death and injury rates from automobile accidents is way, way the fuck lower now than it was in the 1970s. People often say that's because of better roads and safer cars. But if that was the case (which it was), why didn't people show more common sense by driving to the conditions and to the ability of their car to cope? People now are quick to talk about a lack of common sense from todays yoof, but seem to forget the fucken dumb arse shithead driving from back in the day. I should ask my dad again about all his mates killed on motorcycles in the 60s and 70s or about the mate that was decapitated while hanging out the side of a car and a passing vehicle quite literally... did what you think might have happened. Or the vehicle that plowed into the back of him killing a young girl occupant in the rear vehicle a couple of decades ago.

Also the two worst cases of driving I have seen this year were by a man who looked in his late 50s who was literally driving within a couple of metres of my bumper up a winding rural road in wet drizzly conditions as the sun was going down. The cunt had the balls to abuse the shit out of me and pull the fingers as I pulled into the driveway. This is a road I have driven up and down a few thousand times so i'd like to think I know a normal speed to drive at on it.

The other shit hosue driving was from a middle aged male bus driver on a school trip with a bus full with teens who decided he would overtake the other bus on a double yellow line on the open road and with a car coming the other way which we forced off the road. Luckily the other vehicle had enough sealed road to cross on to.

Ban all men from driving I say. And Asians too. And women are banned from roundabouts and intersections and are not allowed to parallel park. And elderly people are hereby banned from all forms of travel, bus, car, train, mobility scooter, skateboard, you name it. Dig up the roads and turn them into cricket pitches.

But the big question I want answered is.... where in fucks name do these teenagers get the money to soup their cars up to the point where they would almost need a mortgage to pay for it? Surely they aren't working?! I mean all young people are drug addict bums, with no respect, no aims in life, no conscience, no common sense and no jobs, sitting at home smoking pot, drinking booze, playing PS2, mouthing off at their mums because they drove their parents to divorce, organising parties so they can fight, throw bottles at the police, terrorise the neighbourhood, tag fences, hoon round getting hospitalised, murdering people and wasting tax payers money. On a good weekend.

PS I see Russell Brown has done a fair better job than me.

Labels: boy racers, death, mayhem