The Lineup
B.I.R. Column Of Fame
Man of Steel... Wood... and Mud: Bear Grylls
Rock Legend: Tom Morello

League Gods: The Emperor and Alfie

Str-8 Shoota: Malcolm X

Str-8 Shoota: Zack de la Rocha

Super Bad mofo's

Comrade Hillary

Friday, November 28, 2008

Onyx ft. Biohazard - Judgement Night 

Man, Old School Cool.

Fuck, I loved this soundtrack. It didn't really blow up like I thought it would but ahead of its time if you ask me.

Don't ask me.


And here we go again with a lesson in how to butcher an innings with basically only one of the 6 wickets to fall having anything whatsoever to do with the bowler.

Do these guys have a clue about how to get big scores at the top level?

I know that we have severe technical deficiencies and far less natural and mental ability than most other test batsmen but that shouldn't mean that they can't at least learn to be better than they are.

This is a 400 run pitch on a bad day and we may still get there (unlikely because our last 3 batsmen are dogs balls) but it will be no thanks to misters Redmond, How, Taylor (sawn off admittedly but he would have holed out in the next few minutes anyway), Ryder and Fulton.

Redmond can be let off because 83 is a good score and if we got 4 of them we'd be posting a big one but his shot was an utter brain explosion. He had forced Ponting into a defensive field setting with three men deep on the leg side so that then means you look for other types of deliveries to work into the gaps you've created. You don't keep hitting it back to the same place and hope that it comes right out of the middle and your timing is perfect.

Anyways stats for the day...

Taylors test scores in order (lowest to highest)
2, 4, 6, 8, 9, 12, 14, 15, 15, 17, 19, 19, 20, 21, 40, 44, 53, 55, 74, 75, 120, 154*

Average of 37.9 (solid)
Median score of 19 (piss poor)

How many bloody starts is that for fuck all 'finishes'?

He is an incredibly talented batsman. I remember watching him on the tellie playing for CD as he spanked the ball to all parts of the boundary thinking that he was going to be one of the greats of NZ cricket and he probably will be one of our standouts but unless somebody gets in his ear and sorts him out he will be another "good but could have been truly great" players that NZ has produced. And by god we produce fuck all batsmen that can hold a pair of nuts for a few hours at a time consistently. He should really be averaging in the 40s without breaking a sweat. Unfortunately this generation is growing up and playing with a procession of openers averaging in the 18 to 28 range and all other batsmen averaging in the low to mid 30s if they are lucky. So to them they are doing Ok if they can deliver something similar. unfortunately all that results in is test wins over Bangladesh and test results like 2 wins and 17 losses v S Africa, OZ and England (under Bracwell and thank fuck he is gone). Although the jury is well and truly out there on his replacement. I'll give him a couple of series to see how he gets our batsmen going but my hopes aren't high. Although anything would be an improvement than the freakshow we've had.

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Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Looking better all the time 

Given the current economic downturn, talk of extra infrastructural spending, and with Dr Bollard rapidly releasing his death-grip on the New Zealand economy - almost to the point of trying to resuscitate it manually - I wonder what difference construction on the national stadium on the Auckland waterfront would make? Y'know that stadium the Labour government promised to build at national (rather than regional or local) expense, and that was heavily favoured around these parts.

My dream of bulldozers pushing the used cars off our prime waterfront land, and allowing public access to the habour, is some way from being realized, I see.

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Sunday, November 23, 2008

Oh Fuck How Good Was That!!!! 

Dine out ladies and gents. The 'greatest Kangaroo team of all time' (my arse) made to look like shit.


Saturday, November 22, 2008

Insider's tip 

Option 222.
Selection 5

1 $1.43 Australia by 13 & Over
2 $3.75 Australia by 12 & Under
3 $33.00 Draw at 80 mins
4 $8.50 N Zealand by 12 & Under
5 $22.00 N Zealand by 13 & Over

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Lickspittle Herald Watch, part i 

Transport Minister on the buses already proclaims the breathless New Zealand Herald, welcoming Steven Joyce, a guy no one's ever heard of, to his new portfolio.

Later in the article it expands on the headline with the following revelation: "Mr Joyce volunteered that he had just ridden the Northern Busway in recent days and had a positive experience."

Well fuck me.

It subsequently transpires that this was the trip in question, one-way from the city to the North Shore, was the first Mr Joyce has taken in a long time (in living memory perhaps).

Now with the Crown Limo at his service I doubt he'll be venturing forth on public transport again for a while.

But yes you read it in the Herald first: "New, really rich, Transport Minister caught bus once"

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Saturday, November 15, 2008

Be your best 

In his just released autobiography the Warriors Steve Price has given an excellent insider's account of the behaviour of the former CEO and heavy Mick Watson:
Mick may have been ambitious but I didn't like the way he was talking about some of the players that were already at the club. I had seen him talk to Francis acting as if they were good mates and I couldn't help but wonder: 'If you're saying that to me about Francis, what are you saying to the other guys about me?'

I had heard a number of things about PJ Marsh and how he was sent packing from the club when he really didn't want to be. Mick would tell me that PJ was causing problems, but the players said otherwise. Then there was Vinnie Anderson. He had just returned from the Kiwi tour of Great Britain when all of a sudden he started being called out of training to meet with Mick. Two weeks later he was off to St Helens in England. Before he left he was quoted in the media saying, 'I'll never play for the Warriors while Mick Watson is in charge'. Mick would tell me that there were a number of issues with Vinnie — one being that he was told not to tour with the Kiwis in 2004 so he could get over an injury and have a full pre-season for the club — and that he didn't have the right attitude, but that didn't make sense to me. I had started to become good friends with Vinnie and he loved being at the Warriors, loved living in New Zealand and loved his team-mates. Here was Mick telling me otherwise and it didn't add up.

Eventually Mick stopped talking to me as well. Rumours started circling through the media about how I was homesick and wanted to return to the Bulldogs. People would call me to ask if the rumours were true and I had to tell them they were way off the mark.

It was exactly the same cycle that had taken place time and time again. I had heard similar stories about Ali Lauiti'iti and even Stacey Jones. Once the rumours began about me I knew I was next on the chopping block.

I just didn't like the way he went about his business. There was no trust in the place and I could understand why.

Even the front office staff were frightened of him. Mick is quite an intimidating guy when you look at the size of him and he can be quite aggressive.

Mick Watson successfully drained the club of some of its top talent and several forgetable seasons followed.

It was bloody tough for fans to accept - (admittedly less so for Yamis).

Interesting though how accurate a portrayal of the clubs woes was being written by outsiders, at the time.

Anyway, my tip for tonight: Kiwis.

Although the King just suggests flipping a coin.

From the same article, imagine if an Indian cricket sports great said the equivalent about Andrew Symonds.

Of another of the Kiwi danger men, giant winger Manu Vatuvei, once a regular target of opposition kickers because of handling frailties, Lewis said the New Zealand Warrior looked to have put those woes behind him and was exuding plenty of confidence.

Vatuvei was in rampaging form against England last weekend, notching a World Cup recording-equalling four tries in the match.

"Without being insulting, he's a gorilla when he's out there on the field," Lewis said.

We'll just take it as a compliment.

But the most satisfying piece of journalism I've read lately was a story regarding the freakish mystery of the numerous shoes, complete with detached and decomposing feet, that keep washing up in Canada and the northern US.

Seven feet in the last two years....and check out the quote.

The discovery of dismembered feet, all in buoyant sneakers, has been headline-grabbing world news for the last year....

Dr. John Butt, a forensic pathologist and former chief medical examiner in Alberta and Nova Scotia, said earlier this year that finding the feet in the same area is difficult to explain, although that's not the case with the condition of the feet.

Butt said a foot and leg will separate naturally, in water or in the ground, given enough time.


I know the media is accused of focusing too much of its coverage on crime and death, and it undeniably does, but to be fair to them there have been some damned interesting crime stories out there lately.

Like Germany's Woman without a Face.

In April 2007, Michèle Kiesewetter, a 22-year-old policewoman from an elite drugs squad, was taking a lunch break with a colleague in their BMW patrol car in Heilbronn, nearly 100 miles from Bad Kreuznach. Two people climbed into the back seat and shot the officers from behind, killing the woman and seriously injuring her 25-year-old partner. The assailants struck so quickly their victims had not even drawn their weapons.

As dozens of green-uniformed officers, carrying a smiling portrait of their murdered colleague, paraded at her funeral, the case shocked and moved the country. It also sparked one of the largest criminal investigations in German history - with results that at first puzzled, then stunned, the investigators.

The only clue was microscopic traces of DNA, found on the centre console and the rear passenger seat of the BMW. And when the samples were finally fully secured, tested and compared with Germany's central crime database nearly three months later, there was an extraordinary match - from two quite different murder scenes stretching back a decade and a half. The 'Woman Without a Face' had, it seemed, struck again.

To the Canadian film producer who found his latest creation came to life - unfortunately his art wasn't no Pinocchio - but a film script about a stranger who gets lured to a garage and cut to pieces.

Meanwhile, in New Zealand our law breakers don't seem to understand the most fundamental basics of committing crime - trying to get away with it.

Stacey Bennett knew she was too drunk to be driving - so she called the police...

"She stopped outside the Northern Dairy (Stratford) and used a pay phone to call police to request assistance," Prosecuting Sergeant Lewis Sutton said.

Bennett told police she had been drinking and had decided she was too drunk to carry on.

"Police arrived at 4.46am to find the defendant asleep in the driver's seat with the headlights on and the keys in the ignition," Mr Sutton said.

Nor him.

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Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Hon Phil Goff 

Every Labour leader since Michael Joseph Savage has become Prime Minister, with the sole exception of Arnold Nordmeyer (and he was only leader for two years). It will be interesting to see if Phil Goff can continue this excellent record. He certainly has the work ethic and the intelligence for it.

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Sunday, November 09, 2008


Johnny Cash Hurt 


5. Orestes - A Perfect Circle 


Saturday, November 08, 2008

My velladicktory speech 

Well done to the Labour Party. They have severely fucked me off at times over the past couple of years but for a left wing government to win 3 straight elections is a remarkable achievement, and Helen Clark has been a fantastic Prime Minister.

I remember being overseas for much of her early years but following the news closely through the interweb thingee and thinking quite often to myself that she will go down as one of NZ's great leaders (and I'm never wrong). I think the last couple of years has taken some of the gloss off that (Cullen hasn't helped), but compared to what I've grown up with (Muldoon, Bolger, Shipley, Moore, Palmer) there's not much competition apart from Lange perhaps. But I don't even know if he was a great leader. More of a great speaker. Key is going to make a decent prime minister because he has a good heart (I think). When he first became leader of the Nats a couple of years ago I immediately told comrade dc_red that I had just seen the next prime minister of NZ and I don't think it's all bad that he's fronting the country (comrade red may disagree). In his words: "Let me say this; whether you voted for National or not, tonight you have my pledge - I will lead a government that serves the interests of every New Zealander and it will be a government that values individuals' achievement and it will be a government that supports those that cannot support themselves and it will be a government we can all be part of."

But anyway, back on the Labour Party. They've done some terrific things (kiwisaver, working for families, civil unions, anti-smacking bill..., 3 dots and a comma). I honestly think the anti-smacking bill was great but I can understand why there was so much angst against it. Personally I'll probably give my children a few swifties when they're naughty. Like annoying me when the Warriors are losing or hiding my beer but I think people need to be more pragmatic about it. It's more the message that is being sent to fuckers that your first thought should be to what you can do to get your message across without smacking your child. I know it won't stop the cunts that dealt to poor Nia Glassie (RIP Honey) from doing what they did but maybe down the line it will some how infiltrate or permeate a few peoples brains that IT'S NOT OK. If it results in half a dozen silly prosecutions to save a life or stop several dozen despicable beatings then I'm 1 million percent for it. But if people want the government to allow them to beat their kids as they see fit I can only say "bring it on, cos I'll bitch smack dumb adults too fo fun times".

anyways, back to tha topick at hand.

I expect/know along wiv all you foolios that National will be quite hamstrung over the next 3 years with the economic strife and will be unable to go too far to the right as NZ struggles IN ALL SECTORS, including the Parnell investment banker ghetto. They will make some lame attempts at undermining a few things that Labour has set up, like cutting Kiwisaver (I'm sure I grew up hearing that you should save 10% of your earnings for retirement so how the fuck 2% + 2% is adequate for retirement is way the fuck beyond me), and reducing working for families (to give small tax cuts to rich singles so they can spend it on pre mix drinks in swanky bars).

Actually on the 2% kiwisaver thing, I have to ask, why did people say things like "I'm glad they are talking about reducing it to 2% because then I might be able to afford to sign up"??? 2% + 2% of the average wage of 40,000 equals about 1,600 dollars a year. Multiply that by 40 years working life and you have 64,000 plus interest. Now I'm very sorry but if you think you will be able to last for more than 5 years in retirement on say 120,000 in 2050 when a world cup ticket is going to cost $1,200 for the terraces then you are the dumbest cunt I've ever met.

And I've met some.

On the bright side from tonight (and I'm actually not too glum), that smarmy prick Peters is gone and even better, that weasel Ron Marks is also fading into the abyss.

It could be an interesting few years because potentially Dunne and Anderton could call it quits next time round meaning that we have 5 parties represented in parliament. It's hard to see anybody in any of the current parties falling out with their crew and forming their own party + getting enough support to gain representation.

Maybe MMP will move into a more simple phase with a left wing party, centre left party, a centre right party, right wing party and the Maori party and that will make elections in NZ slightly more simple (in the meantime at least).

And before I go, a parting shot to MMP.

Who the fuck came up with the 5% threshold for getting into parliament. That is total and utter bullshit. Progressive's get .9% and get one representative (UF the same) and ACT get 3.7% (the precise number of losers there are in NZ purely by coincidence I'm sure) and get 5% in while NZ First get 4.3% of the vote and get nobody in. Yes, I know I was celebrating that a minute ago but it IS NOT democracy.

It is utterly ridiculous. It should be: more than .8% and you get somebody into parliament (that's based around the 120 seats in parliament shideeel fo da spinning wheel. And cut the number of electorates down to 50. They are freakin redundant. We have mayors for that regional and local representation shit. The MPs need to focus on running the country, not receiving $20,000 for allowing some dodgy fuck to be allowed to come live in NZ from a 3rd world cunt tree. We don't need wankers visiting Huapai offices once in a blue moon and saying they are for whatever their voters are for with regard to the Whenuapai Airbase once every few months.

Now that would be real representation.

righty oh, mad props to the left,

peace out 08

and good luck to the new Labour leader in 09, Stacy Jones.

PS Why do newly elected leaders/parties say the country has "voted for change". That seems to me to be a bit like saying "we offered nothing, but the population was getting bored with what they had". Why don't they say the country has "voted for us" instead.

PPS "I do hope that all that we have put in place doesn't go up in flames on a bonfire created by the right wing of politics."

Don't worry Helen. The fagnuts that have arrived back in parliament are more likely to set themselves on fire. There will be some attempts to set alight the good that labour has done, and we, the vigilant public will do our best to ensure that they are trying to spark it all up with wet matches. Wet in their own pissed pants.

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Just Throwing Some Numbers Out There 

National 43.7%
Labour 34%
Greens 8.8%
NZ First 4%
ACT 3.9%
Maori Party 2.3%
United Future 1%
Progressives .8%
Others 1.5%

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Friday, November 07, 2008

Holy Fuck!!!! 

Who knew????!!!!


The Little General 

They say Labour is down and out, that they'll need a miracle if they are to stand a chance of still governing post-election.

Well, Labour did the best they could and rounded up the services of the Little General.

But forget Labour, forget the polls, the election even, cause Stacey's got much bigger news.

Kiwi halfback of the century Stacey Jones will play for the Warriors next season.

Three years after ending his record 238-game career at Mt Smart Stadium, the 32-year-old today revealed he has signed a one-year contract to resume his playing ties with the club.

Jones said an approach by Warriors coach Ivan Cleary and a taste of top-level football with the All Golds last month had rekindled his desire to again play for the Vodafone Warriors.

"It's a huge decision but I'm so excited about what's ahead," Jones said.

Join the club - bring on 2009.

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Same old National, same old shit 

Well, I can't ignore the obvious. This morning's polls vary between very bad for Labour, and absolutely appallingly atrocious.

At this point a 10-point loss is probably the best we on the left can hope for. While there's life there's hope (perhaps these polls will scare a few?), but to be honest there's precious little life left in the Labour government. Although neither I nor Mrs_Red have been polled, and we're both voting Labour, so perhaps there's some systematic undersampling of folks like us? Or perhaps not...

Where I disagree with Yamis is that National will govern as Labour Lite. I agree they're campaigning as Labour Lite, for the very good reason that Labour's policies have been popular, and the country in 2008 is infinitely preferable to the one Labour inherited in 1999, but there's no way in fuck someone joins the Natioanl Party, let alone becomes a National MP, to preserve Labour's social and eocnomic policies.

Mark my words: National will interpret it's whopping great victory as a mandate for radical neoliberalism, just as they did in 1990. This will be rendered easier by its minor ally, ACT, and by the fact that the National front bench consists largely of nasty 90s neoliberals, plus a hectoring conservative in the form of Judith Collins standing in for Jenny Shipley. I bet Tony Ryall, for example, just can't wait to re-Uptonize the health sector: CHEs competing for patients, $50/night hospital charges. Then Williamson or his replacement will talk about selling the roads to competing companies. And Yamis' school will be compelled to adopt some renamed version of Bulk Funding. Universities will be starved of cash, and become even less internationally competitive than they are now, and there will be a return to the redundancies and austerity of the 90s.

The revolution resumes the minute National gets its greasy hands on the instruments of power. And New Zealand will have thrown away 9 years of progress, and a great Prime Minister, for nothing.

Postscript: Labour's post-election analysis. 1/ Shouldn't have touched the Bradford anti-smacking bill with a fucking barge poll. It was the right thing in principle, but it was electoral poison. 2/ Shouldn't have scrapped the three-years-in-the-making tax bracket adjustments in April 2008.

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Thursday, November 06, 2008

National Scores Goal and Concedes Own Goal 

I notice around West Auckland lots of National billboards featuring Paula Bennett and John Key together. On many of them they have splayed a large green sticker over Paula Bennett saying "A proud westie". Funny they should make a deal out of that when John Key, next to her in the billboard, is running for Helensville but lives in Epsom and has never lived in West Auckland. In fact I'm wondering if he even knows where his office is in Huapai. I can give him directions if he's forgotten.

Maybe a little more thought into trying to score points next time aye folks?

And getting my tip in early, National is going to wipe the floor with Labour. I'm tipping they may get enough votes to govern alone. Possibly needing a couple from ACT.

And then we can watch as Labour lite basically slightly undermines everything Labour has done in the past 9 years and not much else.

It's time for change and a brighter future. Although we aren't going to change anything and have no idea how we are going to make the future any brighter.

On another note, if you ever wondered about the herald readership online.... political commentators were calling the 'debate' last night as a win for Clark. But an online Herald survey had 75% of repondents saying Key won it. brrrrrrrt.

I propose that all future polls ask 2 questions. 1) which political party did you last vote for followed by the survey question. That would then make the results of their surveys way the fuck more informative.

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Y'know who pisses me off? 

Rodney fucking Hide.

Good god, the amount of publicity lavished on him as leader of a party consistently polling between 1 and 2 percent has to be seen to be believed. Almost every second time I visit the NZ Herald's home page, there's Rodders in his yellow jacket, from which emerges a pugilist's neck and turtle-like head (see photo).

Full credit to him, I suppose, for his ability to generate publicity about nothing (or, at least, about himself) ... but good god he's the leader of a fringe party full of arseholes.

Here's four and a half good reasons Rodney fucking Hide pisses me off:

1/ POLICY - He leads a party promoting ideas that are not merely discredited but almost universally-recognized as ruinous ("Since its inception, the Act Party has long been the junk shop for old and recycled conservative ideas ( see: supply side economics, de-regulation, less government) that have been discarded by the rest of the civilised world" - Gordon Campbell). Well, so be it, in a democracy you get people promoting dumb ideas: this is by far the least of Rodders' crimes.

2/ AWOL - For a fraction short of 2 years of the last parliamentary term, the tireless champion of the electors of Epsom went on what was best characterized (by someone, somewhere on public address, I believe) as a "taxpayer-funded voyage of self-discovery." He awoke to electoral reality at some point late in 2007, and then distinguished himself in 2008 by being noisy, including in support of a trucking industry that opposes user-pays. Go figure.

3/ COULDN'T GIVE A FUCK - ACT were frequently too lazy, disinterested and/or disorganized to vote in Parliament, what with Rodders off dancing, and his sidekick off in the territorials (I thought being an MP was supposed to be a 70+ hours/week job).

4/ CLIMATE CHANGE DENIAL - stupidly parrots denialist talking points like "no net warming since 1998".

4.5/ CRIMES AGAINST THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE. Zero tolerence indeed!

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Saturday, November 01, 2008

Don't vote for policies 

In one week those of us that care will play our teensy-weensy part in 'the affairs of man' by voting for a government we want. We'll get, of course, something we don't want. That's because we don't actually elect governments anymore, we merely apportion the bargaining chips.

For all my excitement at the upcoming election it is the mysterious rites post-election that will fascinate the more, because the allure of power is great, and our politicians weak. Policies, those convenient platforms upon which voters establish their support for a party, are the very things that get traded as coalition negotiations are conducted.

An example: National won't sell state assets in 'their first term'. But what if National need ACT's support to gain a majority to take to the Governor-General. What if ACT then insist that their price for such support is the selling of state assets. Hmmm. What if National do the deal, saying all the while that they really wanted to sit on their hands for 'their first term' but just had to face the realities of forming a government. Terribly sad, so sorry, not the Nat's fault etc.

Generally, any small party coallying with a bigger party will want a policy concession in order to satisfy their own constituents, which means policies will change. Of course, anyone remembering 'closing the gaps' will also realise that some policies are just fucking hard to successfully implement and/or don't get the desired result.

So, you can't really trust a party to implement the policies it takes into an election campaign, and therefore you really shouldn't vote for them on that basis. So what then can one look for in a party? Political philosophy, historical performance and the quality of candidates all come to mind.
By philosophy I mean the party's beliefs about the best approach to governing and they reason they exist at all. For example, Labour represents the working man, having been born out of the rise of industrialised labour, and Democrats for Social Credit don't like money, and so on.
We can also tally what the party has done in its history, as this could well be the shape of things to come. We could give greater weighting to more recent events than say the 15 years its been since Lockwood Smith lied and sold a generation of students into debt (or the 24 years its been since Lange unleashed Douglas and Prebble) and calculate which parties deserves less of our disdain and ill-will.
Finally, we can look at what candidates a party puts forward and who leads them. Many lawyers seem to stand for Parliament. Labour gets candidates from the union ranks, National from business and farming. Labour have an experienced leader and deputy. National are proposing a Prime Minister who has never even been in government, let alone held a ministerial portfolio.

Who's for a protest vote then? The Bill and Ben Party perhaps?


The big boys 



The Clark government has, on the whole, been a good one.

Note the past tense.

They got elected on the back of a Winston infested crumbling and corrupt government and that's the way they're going to go out.

For all the faults in the US constitution they have that good rule that you can't go for a 3rd term. Power corrupts etc. And this latest term has proved that, in the way that the last Gin-soaked years of Muldoon price and wage freezes and the last decaying years of the Shipley-Kopu Alliance proved that.

The Clark administration was built on competence and integrity, and rightly so. Benson-Pope was dumped, drink drivers were put out in the recycling bin. At last we had standards.

But the venal apologetic way Winston has been dealt with (yes Winston) has generated a cloud over what was the biggest selling point.

And the way the beat-up over Key's (successful) past this week is probably the final straw.

He was in banking in the 80s; some bankers in the 80s committed crimes. That's right; therefore all Maori MPs are gang members and drug dealers.

And then there is Cullen. The worst Tory finance minister this country has ever had (Muldoon was a socialist).

Smug Pommie shit who wasted the Golden years.

On the positive side, Clayton Cosgrove answered our questionaire.


Good points; they're fresh. Well, almost fresh. And in John Key they have the only leader who wasn't around last time. And the way he stumbles over a sentence is a bit endearing.

They have Chris Finlayson; by a mile the best MP in the house.

And the haven't been in government for a while.

Bad points: All the 90s brigade. Lockwood small-hands Smith, McCully who won't answer our sporting questionairre, English, and Tony Ryall.

And the fact that Peter Dunne has lumped his support in with them doesn't look good.

The way Key stumbles over a sentence is a bit embarrassing.

Tony Ryall.

They are probably the best of a bad bunch.

That doesn't mean I'll vote for them though.

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