Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Lean Pickings
[SPECIAL GUEST POST: MR SPORTSFREAK HIMSELF, LEGBREAK]
Why this election is a painful one.
On Saturday week I vote in my 9th election (plus a by-election) and I have absolutely no idea where my party vote is headed. This is unique; normally I make my mind up about a year out and then stick my head in the sand.
But this time the choices are just so unappealing. Just when I think a particular party might possibly be semi-credible Cullen gets smug and prissy, Lockwood Smith reminds me he’s still in Parliament, I actually listen to what Rodney is saying or I catch a glimpse of Peter Dunne’s latest pet raccoon on his head.
So let's start with the minor parties, since they gave us a performance on TV last night which had all the freshness of Miami Vice re-runs.
Jim Anderton’s Jim Anderton Party
OK, that’s probably not the real name of the party, but we all know it should be. Time’s 1974 Politician of the Year is clearly popular in Wigram which in itself is enough to disqualify him from being taken seriously. The comically large glasses finish that off.
Why doesn’t he formally bury the hatchet with Clark or Cullen or whoever else he fell out with and rejoin Labour??? And the Cult of The Individual is a blight on most of the minor parties.
Which brings me to Winston Peters’ Winston First Party
Everything vile in politics summed up in one person.
I’ll miss the dark humour he brings to the House but not enough to hope he doesn’t get shoved out to a litigious retirement.
The Greens
Jeanette, I know the environment’s a bit of a worry but why do you always look as if you’re crying the whole time? In 1999 you were fresh and had integrity.
You still have integrity, but on the 4th time around you look as limp as those horrible vegetables you lot likes to eat. You’ve also got Keith Locke in your team, and although he is unintentionally hilarious, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near a cabinet table.
ACT
I have actually given you guys some thought. As a way for voting for a change without voting National.
But why bring back some 79 year-old who first entered parliament in 1966 as your star turn at #3 on The List? Seems a little out of touch to me. And remember, I don’t like the minor party Cult of the Individual.
Maori Party
Everyone’s current darling.
Pita Sharples is probably my favourite current politician. He certainly passes the Would you want to have a beer with this man? test.
But let's remember the rest of it. They were formed as a result of a hissy-fit around the perfectly reasonable Seabed and Foreshore bill, they are racially based; one of the few in the world.
And Derek Fox.
United Future
Bless him, and his theatrical hairstyles and his mock pompous outrage. And bless his sanctimonious Christian hangers-on. And bless his huntin-shootin-fishin followers too.
Because no-one else will.
When United was formed in the mid-1990s it was a good idea. MMP needs a coherent centrist party, and this was the obvious antidote to Winston’s popularism. It was formed by a combination of National and Labour MPs who, while not riveting were slightly above the average. But then the good ones missed out on re-election, and the party decided it needed not one, but 2 lunatic fringes to survive. And then there’s the hair.
Anyway, he looks pretty impotent without his friend The Worm.
Why this election is a painful one.
On Saturday week I vote in my 9th election (plus a by-election) and I have absolutely no idea where my party vote is headed. This is unique; normally I make my mind up about a year out and then stick my head in the sand.
But this time the choices are just so unappealing. Just when I think a particular party might possibly be semi-credible Cullen gets smug and prissy, Lockwood Smith reminds me he’s still in Parliament, I actually listen to what Rodney is saying or I catch a glimpse of Peter Dunne’s latest pet raccoon on his head.
So let's start with the minor parties, since they gave us a performance on TV last night which had all the freshness of Miami Vice re-runs.
Jim Anderton’s Jim Anderton Party
OK, that’s probably not the real name of the party, but we all know it should be. Time’s 1974 Politician of the Year is clearly popular in Wigram which in itself is enough to disqualify him from being taken seriously. The comically large glasses finish that off.
Why doesn’t he formally bury the hatchet with Clark or Cullen or whoever else he fell out with and rejoin Labour??? And the Cult of The Individual is a blight on most of the minor parties.
Which brings me to Winston Peters’ Winston First Party
Everything vile in politics summed up in one person.
I’ll miss the dark humour he brings to the House but not enough to hope he doesn’t get shoved out to a litigious retirement.
The Greens
Jeanette, I know the environment’s a bit of a worry but why do you always look as if you’re crying the whole time? In 1999 you were fresh and had integrity.
You still have integrity, but on the 4th time around you look as limp as those horrible vegetables you lot likes to eat. You’ve also got Keith Locke in your team, and although he is unintentionally hilarious, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near a cabinet table.
ACT
I have actually given you guys some thought. As a way for voting for a change without voting National.
But why bring back some 79 year-old who first entered parliament in 1966 as your star turn at #3 on The List? Seems a little out of touch to me. And remember, I don’t like the minor party Cult of the Individual.
Maori Party
Everyone’s current darling.
Pita Sharples is probably my favourite current politician. He certainly passes the Would you want to have a beer with this man? test.
But let's remember the rest of it. They were formed as a result of a hissy-fit around the perfectly reasonable Seabed and Foreshore bill, they are racially based; one of the few in the world.
And Derek Fox.
United Future
Bless him, and his theatrical hairstyles and his mock pompous outrage. And bless his sanctimonious Christian hangers-on. And bless his huntin-shootin-fishin followers too.
Because no-one else will.
When United was formed in the mid-1990s it was a good idea. MMP needs a coherent centrist party, and this was the obvious antidote to Winston’s popularism. It was formed by a combination of National and Labour MPs who, while not riveting were slightly above the average. But then the good ones missed out on re-election, and the party decided it needed not one, but 2 lunatic fringes to survive. And then there’s the hair.
Anyway, he looks pretty impotent without his friend The Worm.
Labels: NZ election 2008, Peter Dunne no longer has worms, raccoons, sportsfreak, Winston First
Thursday, October 23, 2008
Darth Watch: Ole Smokey is going to be disappointed
Today, Darth is a stout defender of liberty! Unfortunately for him, the freedom he longs for is unlikely to be delivered by any likely National Government. He in fact espouses the 'nanny state / pc gone mad' rhetoric common to ACT and Libertarianz supporters (and a large proportion of the Your Views community), but not the current National Party.
After asserting strangely that no one gives a damn about the economy, tax cuts, the environment, privatization, or working for families (contrary to all that, y'know, polling stuff), Ole Smokey declares the election is actually about "the freedom of the individual to live his or her life with as little interference as possible from the state, its politicians and minions."
I didn't know that Darth was a supporter of drug liberalization, the decriminalization of prostitution, and (by a small stretch of the imagination) civil unions - in that the latter allow consenting adults to receive official recognition of their own choices about domestic partnership, rather than the choices of the state.
Of course, Darth doesn't actually care about any of these liberties: instead he claims he doesn't want the state telling families how best to spend their money (too bad government spending as a proportion of GDP is essentially the same under Labour as it was under National), how to use their property (Darth, I look forward to building a tannery next to your suburban Rotorua home), and how we run our families (apparently Darth's concern for liberty doesn't extend to the rights of children not to be assaulted by their parents).
What else does Darth want?
" to fill up our cars" - Surely Labour, the biggest road builders NZ has seen in a long time, would agree with this?
"turn on our heaters" - Labour supports warm homes. And will even help low-income families ensure that heat doesn't disappear straight through an uninsulated ceiling.
"light our homes" - I have no idea where he's going with this. I, for one, wish Darth couldn't see his keyboard sometimes, but even so, is there a political party opposed to home lighting?
"run our taps (and showers)" - building standards are not a threat to this, Darth.
"eat our food, smoke a cigarette, have a few drinks" - here's the crux of the matter, Darth doesn't like health promotion. But that isn't a Labour government initiative, Darth - you fuckwit - and is certain to continue under National. Lest that overburdened health care system you so frequently bemoan be crippled under the weight of the obese, emphysematic and chronically inebriated.
"sell land or buy or develop property" - where the fuck have you been for the last 9 years, Darth? Do you not recall a property boom of heretofore unseen proportions?
Yes, I distinctly recall the consensual style of the last National government, as they went about raping and pillaging.
I'll explain this in terms you can understand, Darth: NATIONAL HAS PROMISED NOT TO CHANGE WORKING FOR FAMILIES.
I guess the poor, unfortunate families offered tax relief under this immensely popular scheme will continue the hardship of filling out "interminable forms". Dick.
So voting for a party likely to be in opposition is a wasted vote is it, Darth? You truly are a disgrace.
He ends with the height of humour, likening Helen Clark to a shrew.
I hope you choke on your Rothmans, old man.
After asserting strangely that no one gives a damn about the economy, tax cuts, the environment, privatization, or working for families (contrary to all that, y'know, polling stuff), Ole Smokey declares the election is actually about "the freedom of the individual to live his or her life with as little interference as possible from the state, its politicians and minions."
I didn't know that Darth was a supporter of drug liberalization, the decriminalization of prostitution, and (by a small stretch of the imagination) civil unions - in that the latter allow consenting adults to receive official recognition of their own choices about domestic partnership, rather than the choices of the state.
Of course, Darth doesn't actually care about any of these liberties: instead he claims he doesn't want the state telling families how best to spend their money (too bad government spending as a proportion of GDP is essentially the same under Labour as it was under National), how to use their property (Darth, I look forward to building a tannery next to your suburban Rotorua home), and how we run our families (apparently Darth's concern for liberty doesn't extend to the rights of children not to be assaulted by their parents).
What else does Darth want?
" to fill up our cars" - Surely Labour, the biggest road builders NZ has seen in a long time, would agree with this?
"turn on our heaters" - Labour supports warm homes. And will even help low-income families ensure that heat doesn't disappear straight through an uninsulated ceiling.
"light our homes" - I have no idea where he's going with this. I, for one, wish Darth couldn't see his keyboard sometimes, but even so, is there a political party opposed to home lighting?
"run our taps (and showers)" - building standards are not a threat to this, Darth.
"eat our food, smoke a cigarette, have a few drinks" - here's the crux of the matter, Darth doesn't like health promotion. But that isn't a Labour government initiative, Darth - you fuckwit - and is certain to continue under National. Lest that overburdened health care system you so frequently bemoan be crippled under the weight of the obese, emphysematic and chronically inebriated.
"sell land or buy or develop property" - where the fuck have you been for the last 9 years, Darth? Do you not recall a property boom of heretofore unseen proportions?
And it's all about freedom from presidential-style politics. We want - nay, need - to be rid of a dictatorial leader so that consensus politics again has a chance to flourish.
Yes, I distinctly recall the consensual style of the last National government, as they went about raping and pillaging.
Labour makes much of its Working for Families scheme, but its inventors don't seem to realise that recipients would much rather have that money in direct income tax rebates.
They don't want to have to go cap in hand to Inland Revenue, fill in interminable forms that want to know everything about them and theirs except what they had for breakfast or when they last went to the toilet.
And they don't want to be left feeling beholden to the Government for the largesse when they could have received the same amount directly in tax breaks without it costing them, as taxpayers, as much again as they receive in administration costs.
None of us who don't qualify begrudges families a financial boost, but there are better ways to do it.
I'll explain this in terms you can understand, Darth: NATIONAL HAS PROMISED NOT TO CHANGE WORKING FOR FAMILIES.
I guess the poor, unfortunate families offered tax relief under this immensely popular scheme will continue the hardship of filling out "interminable forms". Dick.
The Greens have made it clear, fortunately, that they won't have a bar of National. They will, therefore, be powerless in the new Parliament so a vote for them is essentially wasted.
So voting for a party likely to be in opposition is a wasted vote is it, Darth? You truly are a disgrace.
He ends with the height of humour, likening Helen Clark to a shrew.
I hope you choke on your Rothmans, old man.
Labels: darth george, dickheads, herald, ird, national, NZ election 2008
Is that it?
The most exciting event on the campaign trail to date is ... the gaffe-prone Lockwood Smith parroting the racial stereotypes of South Island employers. Whoop-dee-doo. Don't get me wrong, Lockwood Smith is a cock - and has been for some time - but this non-event wouldn't convince 1 person in a 100 to change their vote (one way or the other).
Y-A-W-N.
Now, if only Chuck Z was around to give us a guide on voting this election. That could really stir things up. As long as he doesn't advocate voting for renowned homophobe Stephen Franks (whose ongoing sophistry around civil unions defies belief, really).
Interesting that the sky hasn't fallen since civil unions were introduced, and it's not an election issue in any way or sense this time around. Nor did gay marriage feature even in the background of the recent Canadian election, despite the rabid railings of many conservatives in the past. Society moves on, who knew?
Y-A-W-N.
Now, if only Chuck Z was around to give us a guide on voting this election. That could really stir things up. As long as he doesn't advocate voting for renowned homophobe Stephen Franks (whose ongoing sophistry around civil unions defies belief, really).
Interesting that the sky hasn't fallen since civil unions were introduced, and it's not an election issue in any way or sense this time around. Nor did gay marriage feature even in the background of the recent Canadian election, despite the rabid railings of many conservatives in the past. Society moves on, who knew?
Labels: asians, chuck z, nineties all over again, NZ election 2008
Saturday, October 18, 2008
Is It Worth...
getting caught robbing a bank to get the chance to meet these guys?
Labels: brutal death would be too good for them
Does Anyone Really Care?
.com
Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Canadian federal election today
I predict that after a great deal of heat - and vast expenditure of financial, political and environmental capital - the four federal parties with representation will end up with about the same number of MPs they had when Parliament was dissolved, and the Conservatives will have a relatively tight minority.
It's First Past the Post, so grossly unfair of course ... last time the NDP won more than 1,000,000 votes than the Bloc, but 22 fewer MPs (29 vs 51). The joys of having your voters geographically concentrated in the case of the Bloc (which won 42% of the popular vote in Quebec, and will do so again today).
Useful to bear such inequities in mind as National promotes its referendum on ridding New Zealand of proportional representation.
I predict the reigning Tories vote will ease to 35% (down from 36.5%), the Liberals will dip to 27% (from 30.2), with the NDP up 0.5% to 18%, the Bloc unchanged at 10.5% (42% in Quebec), and the Greens up 4% to 8.5%.
Of course, being FPP, such percentages can count for very little. The Greens, for example, will not get an MP. The NDP will be exceptionally lucky if they can convert 18% support to even 40/308 MPs.
I predict something like:
Conservatives 122 (127 at dissolution)
Liberals 95 (95 at dissolution)
NDP 38 (30 at dissolution)
Bloc 51 (48 at dissolution)
Greens 0
Independents 2
It's First Past the Post, so grossly unfair of course ... last time the NDP won more than 1,000,000 votes than the Bloc, but 22 fewer MPs (29 vs 51). The joys of having your voters geographically concentrated in the case of the Bloc (which won 42% of the popular vote in Quebec, and will do so again today).
Useful to bear such inequities in mind as National promotes its referendum on ridding New Zealand of proportional representation.
I predict the reigning Tories vote will ease to 35% (down from 36.5%), the Liberals will dip to 27% (from 30.2), with the NDP up 0.5% to 18%, the Bloc unchanged at 10.5% (42% in Quebec), and the Greens up 4% to 8.5%.
Of course, being FPP, such percentages can count for very little. The Greens, for example, will not get an MP. The NDP will be exceptionally lucky if they can convert 18% support to even 40/308 MPs.
I predict something like:
Conservatives 122 (127 at dissolution)
Liberals 95 (95 at dissolution)
NDP 38 (30 at dissolution)
Bloc 51 (48 at dissolution)
Greens 0
Independents 2
Labels: Canadian federal election, first past the post
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Black Caps still sucking
212/9. Repeat performance.
I think we'll win this one, but that doesn't excuse our losing 9 wickets in 50 overs! Faahaaken hell, how much can we take?
Update: woohoo.
I think we'll win this one, but that doesn't excuse our losing 9 wickets in 50 overs! Faahaaken hell, how much can we take?
Update: woohoo.
Labels: blackcaps, bracewell sucks shit, can't bat for shit, crap, cricket, dickheads, incompetent time wasting fucks, new zealand players
Thursday, October 09, 2008
Black Caps suck again
Yup it's true they do they do they do. It's enough to break your fucking heart. Soundly beaten by a shit team. Bangladesh take an seven fucking wicket victory and with it ruin our hopes of an elevation, however temporary, to the number two spot on the ICC ODI rankings. How fucking humiliating. You want to be the number two team in the world boys? Little things like beating the number nine team in the world help, aye? Dumbasses.
In brighter news, oh, that's right, there is no brighter news. This makes everything completely shit.
In brighter news, oh, that's right, there is no brighter news. This makes everything completely shit.
Labels: blackcaps, bracewell sucks shit, can't bat for shit, crap, cricket, dickheads, incompetent time wasting fucks, new zealand players
Tuesday, October 07, 2008
Turn'd wild in nature, broke their stalls, flung out
Somewhat predictably, the USD700 billion corporate raid on public accounts is insufficient to prop up US capitalism.
Yet, the DomPost declares that our "Prime-Minister-in-waiting" remains "upbeat". Well, thank Christ for that. Actually, if I was polling 52% this close to an election, on the back of not much effort, and with a shadow Cabinet full of scary 90s neoliberals and that horrid Collins woman, I'd be pretty fucking upbeat too. No matter how hard Michael Cullen (personally responsible for the current worldwide downturn, in its entirety, suggests the New Zealand Herald), "rains on my parade."
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
It will be interesting to see how the financial meltdown plays out during the Canadian federal election, Oct 14th. Live drunken blogging right here if anyone's interested.
Meanwhile, a bad week for our resident comments man. And I'm not just talking about his share portfolio. First his beloved Storm are given a sound thrashing in the Grand Final, then a certain Southland Mayor claims to have banged his favourite MP!
Yet, the DomPost declares that our "Prime-Minister-in-waiting" remains "upbeat". Well, thank Christ for that. Actually, if I was polling 52% this close to an election, on the back of not much effort, and with a shadow Cabinet full of scary 90s neoliberals and that horrid Collins woman, I'd be pretty fucking upbeat too. No matter how hard Michael Cullen (personally responsible for the current worldwide downturn, in its entirety, suggests the New Zealand Herald), "rains on my parade."
FOR FUCK'S SAKE.
It will be interesting to see how the financial meltdown plays out during the Canadian federal election, Oct 14th. Live drunken blogging right here if anyone's interested.
Meanwhile, a bad week for our resident comments man. And I'm not just talking about his share portfolio. First his beloved Storm are given a sound thrashing in the Grand Final, then a certain Southland Mayor claims to have banged his favourite MP!
Labels: capitalism, herald, john key, media, nrl grand final, politics
Sunday, October 05, 2008
The No Contest of 08
That was about as one sided as I think the NZ election is going to be in November as NZers vote for change for no apparent reason.
Manly were hell bent on making up for last year and clinically put away the Storm while barely breaking a sweat.
The sobbing tears from Folau would have been for a few reasons. Firstly he was about the only Storm player to have given it his all. Secondly, he is leaving the club to join the Broncos. And thirdly, the Storm were hammered so bad it was the worst defeat in grand final history. For a side with the best defensive record in the competition going into that game it was humilating. They simply gave up halfway through the second half. The Manly passes were sticking and they were playing as good a football as they're ever likely to but Melbourne turned on the green light and left it shining for as long as they could. Manly earnt about 2 or 3 of their tries but it was like Christmas as they rolled in for 8.
After their win last year they were probably a little lacking in motivation but the funny thing is that for all the players who won a premiership medal in 07 they will have had that absolutely shat on with todays performance. Whenever they think of the title in 07 their minds will instantly jump to 08 where they were pole-axed by the same team. Titles in whatever sport are generally thought of individually but because that was a rematch it will almost be thought of as part two, and Manly won it game set and mutha-fucken match.
Don't be surprised to see the Sea Eagles look to go back to back while the Storm will also be looking to make amends. The Storm will be a dead set cert to make the top 8 in 09 but without Folau, Geyer, Jeremy Smith, Antonio Kaufusi and Michael Crocker they may struggle to be the same force. Bellamy is an outstanding coach but he will have his work cut out to turn new players into the type of players he needs. Inglis will piss off half way through the year to play rugby for some shit arse French rugby team and Cameron Smith will get suspended again for a grapple tackle.
I almost wish the season would start now because I have a whole lot of questions that I will have forgotten by the time the season kicks off in March because of the time in between and the extraordinary amount of booze I feel like consuming in the next 5 months.
For example, can the Warriors get a half combination that really knows how to spark our backline and take us to the grand final? (Rovelli, Fien and Witt are OK but they lack a direct approach and have little go forward). They need to back themselves and attack like fuck. Maybe one or two of our signings will slot in there.
My other questions...
What will the Sharks do after their defense style took them to equal first at the end of the season but sold them down the river the second the going got tough?
Will the team that made the top 6 and had the under 20 champions really take the wooden spoon?
Will the Roosters learn how to play some creative footie and improve?
Will the Bulldogs signings turn the club around and get them into the top 8 (they still won't get near the final two weeks)?
Will the Broncos threaten the title without Bennett at the helm for the first time in their 21 year history?
Will the Dragons still wear white boots and crap out?
Manly were hell bent on making up for last year and clinically put away the Storm while barely breaking a sweat.
The sobbing tears from Folau would have been for a few reasons. Firstly he was about the only Storm player to have given it his all. Secondly, he is leaving the club to join the Broncos. And thirdly, the Storm were hammered so bad it was the worst defeat in grand final history. For a side with the best defensive record in the competition going into that game it was humilating. They simply gave up halfway through the second half. The Manly passes were sticking and they were playing as good a football as they're ever likely to but Melbourne turned on the green light and left it shining for as long as they could. Manly earnt about 2 or 3 of their tries but it was like Christmas as they rolled in for 8.
After their win last year they were probably a little lacking in motivation but the funny thing is that for all the players who won a premiership medal in 07 they will have had that absolutely shat on with todays performance. Whenever they think of the title in 07 their minds will instantly jump to 08 where they were pole-axed by the same team. Titles in whatever sport are generally thought of individually but because that was a rematch it will almost be thought of as part two, and Manly won it game set and mutha-fucken match.
Don't be surprised to see the Sea Eagles look to go back to back while the Storm will also be looking to make amends. The Storm will be a dead set cert to make the top 8 in 09 but without Folau, Geyer, Jeremy Smith, Antonio Kaufusi and Michael Crocker they may struggle to be the same force. Bellamy is an outstanding coach but he will have his work cut out to turn new players into the type of players he needs. Inglis will piss off half way through the year to play rugby for some shit arse French rugby team and Cameron Smith will get suspended again for a grapple tackle.
I almost wish the season would start now because I have a whole lot of questions that I will have forgotten by the time the season kicks off in March because of the time in between and the extraordinary amount of booze I feel like consuming in the next 5 months.
For example, can the Warriors get a half combination that really knows how to spark our backline and take us to the grand final? (Rovelli, Fien and Witt are OK but they lack a direct approach and have little go forward). They need to back themselves and attack like fuck. Maybe one or two of our signings will slot in there.
My other questions...
What will the Sharks do after their defense style took them to equal first at the end of the season but sold them down the river the second the going got tough?
Will the team that made the top 6 and had the under 20 champions really take the wooden spoon?
Will the Roosters learn how to play some creative footie and improve?
Will the Bulldogs signings turn the club around and get them into the top 8 (they still won't get near the final two weeks)?
Will the Broncos threaten the title without Bennett at the helm for the first time in their 21 year history?
Will the Dragons still wear white boots and crap out?
Labels: nrl, nrl grand final
Saturday, October 04, 2008
Newcastle United 4 Life
For years I didn't have a premier league team to support. I used to watch the sunday morning highlight show of the games from a week earlier back when I was a teenager and didn't really take to any of the teams as there was nothing much there to cause me to attach myself. But then thanks to my father being an historian (though of local Auckland history predominantly - Maori in particular) I found out through his research of our family tree that we had not too distant ancestors from Newcastle (although we also have some from Sunderland, Dunfermline, Glasgow - Rangers territory judging by the fact that when we went to a great great grand parents house a geezer walked past in a blue Glasgow Rangers shirt - no doubt not too pleasing for Glasgow Celtic fan dc_red, Wales and all manner of places in ol'blighty).So I thought buggar it. I'll throw my lot in with the down trodden geordies.
And now I'm locked in for life.
The following is the transcript of caretaker coach Joe Kinnear's press conference. Give the man a knighthood.
Joe Kinnear (JK): Which one is Simon Bird [football writer for the Daily Mirror]?
SB: Me.
JK: You're a cunt.
SB: Thank you
JK: Which one is Hickman? [Niall Hickman, football writer for the Daily Express] You are out of order. Absolutely fucking out of order. If you do it again, I am telling you you can fuck off and go to another ground. I will not come and stand for that fucking crap. No fucking way, lies.
Fuck, you're saying I turned up and they fucked off.
SB: No Joe, have you read it? It doesn't actually say that. Have you read it?
JK: I've fucking read it, I've read it.
SB: It doesn't say that. Have you read it?
JK: "You are trying to fucking undermine my position already.
SB: Have you read it? It doesn't say that. I knew you knew they were having a day off.
JK: Fuck off. Fuck off. It's your last fucking chance.
SB: You read the copy? It doesn't say that you didn't know.
JK: What about the headline, you think that's a good headline?
SB: I didn't write the headline, you read the copy.
JK: You are negative bastards, the pair of you.
SB: So if I get a new job next week would I take the first day off? No I wouldn't. If I get a new job should I call my boss and tell I am taking the first day off?
JK: It is none of your fucking business. What the fuck are you going to do? You ain't got the balls to be a fucking manager. Fucking day off. Do I want your opinion? Do I have to listen to you?
SB: No, you can listen to who you want.
JK: I had a 24-hour meeting with the entire staff.
SB: Joe you are only here six weeks, you could have done that on Sunday, or Saturday night.
JK: No, no, no. I didn't want to do it. I had some other things to do.
SB: What? More important things?
JK: What are you? My personal secretary? Fuck off.
SB: You could have done the meeting Saturday night or Sunday. You could have had them watching videos, you could have organised them.
JK: I was meeting the fucking chairman the owner, everyone else. Talking about things.
SB: It is a valid point that was made in there. A valid point.
JK: I can't trust any of you.
NH: Joe no one could believe that on your first day at your new club, the first team players were not in. No one could believe it in town. Your first day in the office.
JK: My first day was with the coaches. I made the decision that I wanted to get as much information out of them.
NH: But why Monday? No one could believe it.
JK: I'm not going to tell you anything.
I don't understand where you are coming from. You delighted that Newcastle are getting beat and are in the state they are? Delighted are you?
NH: Certainly not. No one wants to see them get beaten, why would we?
JK: I have done it before. It is going to my fucking lawyers. So are about three others. If they can find something in it that is a court case it is going to court. I am not fucking about. I don't talk to fucking anybody. Everything I fucking say or do. It is raking up stories. You are fucking so fucking slimy you are raking up players that I got rid of. Players that I had fallen out with. You are not asking Robbie Earle, because he is sensible. You are not asking Warren Barton? No. Because he is fucking sensible. Anyone who had played for me for ten years at any level you will find some cunt that .....
Journo: How long is your contract for Joe?
JK: None of your business.
SB: Well it is actually, because we cover the club. The club say you are here to the end of October, then you say 6-8 games which would take it to the end of November. We are trying to clarify these issues. We are getting no straight answers from anyone. How long are you here for? It is a dead simple question. And you don't know....
JK: I was told the length of contract. Then I was told that possibly the club could be sold in that time. That is as far as I know. That's it finished. I don't know anything else. But I have been ridiculed. He's trying to fucking hide, he's trying to do this or that.
Journalist: What happened at your meeting with Ashley?
JK: At the meeting I was asked how did it go, what reception, this that and the other. I told him not too clever. He wanted to know how the team done. I told him. Better second half than we were first half. I asked him what is the situation. Any news or updates on what is going on. He said I have six to eight consortium lined up and that is all I can tell you. That was it.
Journalist: Have you met Mike before? No? Not even at the Orange Tree pub Totteridge?
JK: You want to get your facts right. Dennis Wise never played under me.
Journalist: None of us have even written that...
JK: Another one you wrote. We met in a pub. We are friends in a pub and that is when it was done, in a pub. Good imagination eh? It is nonsense.
Will I get time and get judged on results?
Steve Brenner [The Sun]: We are all grown men and can come in here and sit around and talk about football, but coming in here and calling people cunts?
JK: Why? Because I am annoyed. I am not accepting that. If it is libellous, it is going to where I want it to go.
Press officer: What has been said in here is off the record and doesn't go outside.
Journo: Well is that what Joe thinks?
JK: Write what you like. Makes no difference to me. Don't affect me I assure you. It'll be the last time I see you anyway. Won't affect me. See how we go at Everton and Chrissy can do it, someone else can do it. Don't trust any of yous.
I will pick two local papers and speak to them and the rest can fuck off. I ain't coming up here to have the piss taken out of me. I have a million pages of crap that has been written about me.
I’m ridiculed for no reason. I’m defenceless. I can’t get a point in, I can’t say nothing, I can’t do nothing, but I ain’t going to be negative. Then, half of you, most of you are trying to get into the players. I’m not going to tell you what the players think of you, so then you try and get into them in some way or another, so I’ve got a split camp or something like that, something like that. It’s ongoing. It just doesn’t stop.
Journalist: It’s only been a week.
JK: Exactly. It feels more like a year.
Journalist: It’s early days for you to be like this.
JK: No, I’m clearing the air. And this is the last time I’m going to speak to you. You want to know why, I’m telling you. This is the last time. You can do what you like.
Journalist: But this isn’t going to do you or us any good.
JK: I’ll speak to the supporters. I’m going to tell them what the story is. I’m going to tell them. I don’t think they’ll interpret it any different, I don’t think they’ll mix it up, I don’t think they’ll miss out things. I mean, one of them last week said to me … I was talking about in that press conference where you were there, I said something like "well that’s a load of bollocks".
Journalist: "Bollocks to that" is what you said.
JK: Bollocks to that. And what goes after that?
Journalist: That was it.
JK: No, it wasn’t, no it wasn’t. What was after it? I don’t know if it was your paper, but what went after it?
Journalist: I don’t know.
JK: It even had the cheek to say "bollocks to Newcastle".
Journalist: I didn’t write that.
JK: That was my first fucking day. What does that tell you? What does that tell you?
Journalist: Where was that? Which paper said that?
JK: I’ve got it. I can’t remember. It was one of the Sundays, not a Saturday. It was a Sunday.
Journalist: But you didn’t say that to the Sundays, you said that to us. That was during the Monday press conference.
JK: I’ve got it, I’ve got it. I’ll bring it in and show it to you. Why would I want to say that? And why would you want to put something like that behind it?
Journalist: Are you saying that someone has reported you saying "bollocks to Newcastle"?
JK: Yes. Lovely.
Journalist: I don’t know who’s reported that.
JK: I’ll tell you what, I’ll bring it in.
Journalist: That’s obviously going to damage you. That’s not a good thing. But I don’t think someone’s done that. We have to have some sort of relationship with you.
JK: So have I? But I haven’t come in here for you lot to take the piss out of me. And if I’m not flavour of the month for you, it don’t fucking bother me. I’ve got a job to do. And I’m going to do it to the best of my ability and get on with it. I’m not going to spend any more time listening to any crap or reading any crap. Ok? I know you’ve got a job to do. Stick to the truth and the facts. That’s all you’ve got to do. Stick to the truth and, I’m saying, the facts. And don’t twist anything. That’s all I’m asking you. But that’s impossible in journalism. Because I’ve been ….
Journalist: You know, you know the game …
JK: Of course I know, but I don’t have to like it.
Journalist: Today we’ll print the absolute truth, that you think we’re cunts, we can all fuck off and we’re slimy. Is that fair enough?
JK: Do it. Fine. Fucking print it. Am I going to worry about it? Put in also that it’ll be the last time I see you. Put that in as well. Good. Do it.
Journalist: Ferguson said it the other day to the Man U lot. But down in London some of your best friends were journalists.
JK: Like who?
Jounalist: *************. They were big mates of yours weren’t they?
JK: “I don’t know ******************. I know a *************. But they were honest. They were honest. They didn’t twist anything I had to say. That’s why they were my friends. I’m as straight as they come, but I will stand up and fight for myself in any corner. You’re not going to f*** me off or frighten me in any manner. Whatever you do, or whatever headlines you run, you’re not going to embarrass me. I’m not going to stand for it. I’ve come up here for a simple chance to fucking prove myself. Just wait, wait and make a decision after whatever period of time you want to. That’s fine. Until then, get off my back and let me get on with my job. That all I ask. Just do that. That’s all I ask of you. Fucking hell. Was it last week, who wrote the headline "it’s gone from bad to worse, it’s Morecambe and Wise". That’s one fucking headline. I’ve got that as well. I don’t know which one of you has done that. "It’s a circus now," that’s another fucking headline. "The circus leader’s come to town," another headline. That’s journalists. Are you happy with that?
Journalist: The people who write the headlines are based in London. We don’t write them.
JK: Am I supposed to be delighted with it?
Journalist: Newcastle has been called a circus long before you arrived.
JK: Yeah, I’m the ringmaster of the circus.
Journalist: It’s the situation. It’s not just you. The club’s up for sale. It’s the whole situation of the past three months, all the Keegan stuff, whatever, that you’ve come into. But you’re not the spearhead of everything. It’s not a case of "you’ve come in so now we’re going to slaughter you". That’s not how it works.
JK: For two days I don’t think I saw a decent report. There might be one today. For the first two days, I haven’t seen one. Not one. A pile like that (gestures). Some of you are either feeding some dummy to say even more, to put the boot in even more. So it’s like that.
Journalist: But you’ve hardly come in to a club where it’s stable anyway, there are so many other problems going on, everyone …
JK: But why do you want stories on the negative side?
Journalist: (Unintelligible.)
JK: The only way to get the positives is to get a result.
Journalist: Seriously, with the best will in the world, when you got the job, the club released a statement, and in your first interviews you contradicted that statement by saying you’d got the job for a longer period of time, you admitted you got the job because everybody else had said no …
JK: Well I can’t tell a lie about that, that’s a fact.
Journalist: … you said that Alan Shearer and Kevin Keegan were parked around the corner to get the manager’s job after you …
JK: Hold on, hold on. I said that was relayed to me. But you didn’t put that in though. You missed that bit out. You did, I saw it as well. You wrote it – I’m not saying it was you – in such a way that you didn’t put in half the things that I said. You twisted it each time. I’ve been in the game long enough to know that.
Journalist: Can I finish my point?
JK: Yes, well I’m telling you your answer.
Journalist: We have to reflect and report on and try and find out what’s going on at this football club. In your first public statements you contradicted things and said things …
JK: Tell me what I contradicted.
Journalist: The length of the contract, who was coming in next ...
JK: Do you want to see it? So you’re calling me a liar then?
Journalist: No, I’m saying that it was a contradiction of the club’s statement, which we’ve already established.
JK: I didn’t know that. I didn’t know there was a statement, why didn’t you tell me you had a statement?
Journalist: I think we did say that.
JK: I told you exactly what the truth was. What it says on my contract.
Journalist: Yes but it was contradictory to what the club said.
JK: OK, I take your point.
Journalist: You also made several other points that we had to find the truth out of. KK and Alan Shearer. Now if we approach those people and they say "no, we’ve never heard of it," it doesn’t help the feeling around the club.
JK: “Well where have you been then? Where have you been before I come, what were the headlines then? Where were you? Another planet.
Journalist: It was chaotic before you got there.
JK: No. The write up. What was the write up.
Journalist: Sorry, I don’t know what you’re asking me.
JK: The write up was the consortium from Nigeria or wherever it might be, the agent spoke quite clearly that he had spoken to Mr Ashley and we’ve decided on such a such fee and yes, hold on, let me finish, you might have wrote it, it’s true to say that I’m in talks with KK and AS. Right, OK. So that’s written.
Journalist: That doesn’t mean it’s true.
JK: Really? You asked me what the consortium said. And I said exactly what was said in that paper. And I’m saying exactly what was told to me. I’ve got no reason to say it and you tried to change it, whoever it is, one or two of you, that you thought I was hiding behind it. Yes you did, yes you did.
Journalist: There’s a difference between a consortium coming in and saying we want KK and we’ve spoken to KK and you reporting what Mike Ashley is telling you, that KK and AS are parked round the corner.
JK: No. Mike Ashley told me that he had got that from the consortium. So you’re not getting your facts right. So when I said the consortium told MA who told me, that was discreetly missed, it was missed and so you go onto the negative stuff.
Journalist: The point I’m trying to make is that this was your first day in the job and it’s created more chaos and unrest and we’ve reflected that. It’s not about you as a manager. I don’t think any of us have called into question your ability as a manager or what you bring …
JK: What are you talking about? I’ve been crucified. Absolutely crucified in every single newspaper.
Journalists: No, that’s not true.
JK: Absolutely. Morecambe and Wise headlines…
Journalist: You said yourself you got offered the job because everyone else had turned it down.
JK: What’s that got to do with Morecambe and Wise?
Journalist: I don’t know, I didn’t write that headline. You said that fans would be disappointed you got the job.
JK: Yes.
Journalist: Right, OK, we’ve reflected that. No one has criticised your qualities as a manager. We’ve not seen them, we’ve not seen the evidence on the pitch.
JK: What other way did I get the job then?
Journalist: Sorry?
JK: What other way did I get the job then?
Journalist: Because of your track record?
JK: No I got the job because I was honest. Half a dozen managers turned it down. Ask them what reasons they turned it down. Why did they turn it down?
Journalist: I don’t know.
JK: Well there you are then. Do your f***ing homework and ask them.
Journalist: But that’s the reason why it’s farcical. Not just you, it’s the whole situation. Nothing specific about you. The farce is that it’s a club up for sale with no manager, six people are turning down interim jobs, it’s not you. Dennis and Mike can’t even come to the ground, it’s the whole situation, the squad’s threadbare. This all predates your arrival. But your arrival didn’t help the situation in the short-term, that’s what I was trying to say. It’s not 100 per cent personal with you, no way. Even Chris (Hughton) a few days before had admitted he’d had no contact with the people upstairs. It’s the whole lot that’s a farce, that’s the thing. If you look at the papers before your arrival, they’re exactly the same, that this club had become a laughing stock. The fans are saying it, go on the message boards. They’re saying even worse than us. We’re just reflecting the whole situation, it’s not just Joe Kinnear. Then you’re banned for the first two matches. Not your fault, but it doesn’t help the mood around the club. Is your decision not to speak to us final?
JK: I think so, yeah. I don’t see any future in it, anyway. Whatever happens, the only way I’m going to win anything is by getting results. And it’s still going to be negative, negative, negative. I’m reading one negative story after another after another. Half of the stuff is crap, I don’t know where you’re getting your information from or who’s feeding you the stuff. Anything I tell you, you can write. You can write what I’ve said today. Go on, bang away. I’ve said it and done it. I don’t have to hide anything.
Journalist: I don’t think it’s in your interests and it’s certainly not in our interests – I’m being selfish – not to speak to us. I don’t think that’s a good decision. Obviously you’re very angry and perhaps with some justification in certain circumstances, but I don’t know if that’s a good decision on your behalf in the long run.
JK: Well that’s your point of view.
Press officer: Let’s get on to football. Let’s have an agreement that everything said so far, if anyone has got their tapes on, it’s wiped off and we’re not discussing it.
Journalist: But that’s what Joe has said he thinks of us.
Press officer: I’m saying don’t push it. Let’s accept what’s been said on both sides and try and move on.
Journalist: Move on to not doing any more press conferences?
Press officer: No, to doing something now.
Journalist: What, one press conference only?
(Silence)
Journalist: Any knocks?
Press officer: Come on, let’s go football.
Journalist: What are your plans for training in the next three days? How's the training going?
JK: It's going very well. No problems at all.
Journalist: Enjoyed getting back in the swing of things?
JK: Absolutely. I've loved every moment of it.
Labels: football, history, joe kinnear, newcastle united
Thursday, October 02, 2008
Without You I´m nothing - Placebo +David Bowie live
Not much of a Placebo fan but really rock off on this song...
Good Call
I've been there a couple of times and refused to go on the grounds because I had to pay. It just wasn't right on any level. And don't get me started on Tourism Rotorua and their philosophy on fixing entry charges.
Waitangi free for Kiwis
Thursday Oct 02, 2008
New Zealanders can now visit the Treaty Grounds in Waitangi free of charge, but overseas visitors will still need to pay. Former All Black Sid Going yesterday had the honour of being the first to enter the grounds without having to pay the $12 entry fee. Overseas visitors must pay $20 for a two-day pass. Waitangi National Trust chief executive Jeanette Richardson said the grounds host nearly a quarter of a million visitors a year. The trust was criticised last year by Labour MP Shane Jones for charging people to visit the site known as the birthplace of the nation.
And here's one for comrade dc_red to have a mocking laugh at...
Jennings delays lecture
Thursday Oct 02, 2008
Billionaire Kiwi Stephen Jennings has postponed a lecture in New Zealand because of the turmoil in global financial markets. Mr Jennings, who made his fortune in Russia, was to have given the Sir Ronald Trotter Lecture to the New Zealand Business Roundtable next week.
However, the Roundtable said yesterday Mr Jennings had reluctantly advised he could not travel because of problems within the Russian investment banking community.
Waitangi free for Kiwis
Thursday Oct 02, 2008
New Zealanders can now visit the Treaty Grounds in Waitangi free of charge, but overseas visitors will still need to pay. Former All Black Sid Going yesterday had the honour of being the first to enter the grounds without having to pay the $12 entry fee. Overseas visitors must pay $20 for a two-day pass. Waitangi National Trust chief executive Jeanette Richardson said the grounds host nearly a quarter of a million visitors a year. The trust was criticised last year by Labour MP Shane Jones for charging people to visit the site known as the birthplace of the nation.
And here's one for comrade dc_red to have a mocking laugh at...
Jennings delays lecture
Thursday Oct 02, 2008
Billionaire Kiwi Stephen Jennings has postponed a lecture in New Zealand because of the turmoil in global financial markets. Mr Jennings, who made his fortune in Russia, was to have given the Sir Ronald Trotter Lecture to the New Zealand Business Roundtable next week.
However, the Roundtable said yesterday Mr Jennings had reluctantly advised he could not travel because of problems within the Russian investment banking community.
Labels: rotorua, tourism, waitangi
