Tuesday, October 28, 2008
Lean Pickings
[SPECIAL GUEST POST: MR SPORTSFREAK HIMSELF, LEGBREAK]
Why this election is a painful one.
On Saturday week I vote in my 9th election (plus a by-election) and I have absolutely no idea where my party vote is headed. This is unique; normally I make my mind up about a year out and then stick my head in the sand.
But this time the choices are just so unappealing. Just when I think a particular party might possibly be semi-credible Cullen gets smug and prissy, Lockwood Smith reminds me he’s still in Parliament, I actually listen to what Rodney is saying or I catch a glimpse of Peter Dunne’s latest pet raccoon on his head.
So let's start with the minor parties, since they gave us a performance on TV last night which had all the freshness of Miami Vice re-runs.
Jim Anderton’s Jim Anderton Party
OK, that’s probably not the real name of the party, but we all know it should be. Time’s 1974 Politician of the Year is clearly popular in Wigram which in itself is enough to disqualify him from being taken seriously. The comically large glasses finish that off.
Why doesn’t he formally bury the hatchet with Clark or Cullen or whoever else he fell out with and rejoin Labour??? And the Cult of The Individual is a blight on most of the minor parties.
Which brings me to Winston Peters’ Winston First Party
Everything vile in politics summed up in one person.
I’ll miss the dark humour he brings to the House but not enough to hope he doesn’t get shoved out to a litigious retirement.
The Greens
Jeanette, I know the environment’s a bit of a worry but why do you always look as if you’re crying the whole time? In 1999 you were fresh and had integrity.
You still have integrity, but on the 4th time around you look as limp as those horrible vegetables you lot likes to eat. You’ve also got Keith Locke in your team, and although he is unintentionally hilarious, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near a cabinet table.
ACT
I have actually given you guys some thought. As a way for voting for a change without voting National.
But why bring back some 79 year-old who first entered parliament in 1966 as your star turn at #3 on The List? Seems a little out of touch to me. And remember, I don’t like the minor party Cult of the Individual.
Maori Party
Everyone’s current darling.
Pita Sharples is probably my favourite current politician. He certainly passes the Would you want to have a beer with this man? test.
But let's remember the rest of it. They were formed as a result of a hissy-fit around the perfectly reasonable Seabed and Foreshore bill, they are racially based; one of the few in the world.
And Derek Fox.
United Future
Bless him, and his theatrical hairstyles and his mock pompous outrage. And bless his sanctimonious Christian hangers-on. And bless his huntin-shootin-fishin followers too.
Because no-one else will.
When United was formed in the mid-1990s it was a good idea. MMP needs a coherent centrist party, and this was the obvious antidote to Winston’s popularism. It was formed by a combination of National and Labour MPs who, while not riveting were slightly above the average. But then the good ones missed out on re-election, and the party decided it needed not one, but 2 lunatic fringes to survive. And then there’s the hair.
Anyway, he looks pretty impotent without his friend The Worm.
Why this election is a painful one.
On Saturday week I vote in my 9th election (plus a by-election) and I have absolutely no idea where my party vote is headed. This is unique; normally I make my mind up about a year out and then stick my head in the sand.
But this time the choices are just so unappealing. Just when I think a particular party might possibly be semi-credible Cullen gets smug and prissy, Lockwood Smith reminds me he’s still in Parliament, I actually listen to what Rodney is saying or I catch a glimpse of Peter Dunne’s latest pet raccoon on his head.
So let's start with the minor parties, since they gave us a performance on TV last night which had all the freshness of Miami Vice re-runs.
Jim Anderton’s Jim Anderton Party
OK, that’s probably not the real name of the party, but we all know it should be. Time’s 1974 Politician of the Year is clearly popular in Wigram which in itself is enough to disqualify him from being taken seriously. The comically large glasses finish that off.
Why doesn’t he formally bury the hatchet with Clark or Cullen or whoever else he fell out with and rejoin Labour??? And the Cult of The Individual is a blight on most of the minor parties.
Which brings me to Winston Peters’ Winston First Party
Everything vile in politics summed up in one person.
I’ll miss the dark humour he brings to the House but not enough to hope he doesn’t get shoved out to a litigious retirement.
The Greens
Jeanette, I know the environment’s a bit of a worry but why do you always look as if you’re crying the whole time? In 1999 you were fresh and had integrity.
You still have integrity, but on the 4th time around you look as limp as those horrible vegetables you lot likes to eat. You’ve also got Keith Locke in your team, and although he is unintentionally hilarious, I wouldn’t want him anywhere near a cabinet table.
ACT
I have actually given you guys some thought. As a way for voting for a change without voting National.
But why bring back some 79 year-old who first entered parliament in 1966 as your star turn at #3 on The List? Seems a little out of touch to me. And remember, I don’t like the minor party Cult of the Individual.
Maori Party
Everyone’s current darling.
Pita Sharples is probably my favourite current politician. He certainly passes the Would you want to have a beer with this man? test.
But let's remember the rest of it. They were formed as a result of a hissy-fit around the perfectly reasonable Seabed and Foreshore bill, they are racially based; one of the few in the world.
And Derek Fox.
United Future
Bless him, and his theatrical hairstyles and his mock pompous outrage. And bless his sanctimonious Christian hangers-on. And bless his huntin-shootin-fishin followers too.
Because no-one else will.
When United was formed in the mid-1990s it was a good idea. MMP needs a coherent centrist party, and this was the obvious antidote to Winston’s popularism. It was formed by a combination of National and Labour MPs who, while not riveting were slightly above the average. But then the good ones missed out on re-election, and the party decided it needed not one, but 2 lunatic fringes to survive. And then there’s the hair.
Anyway, he looks pretty impotent without his friend The Worm.
Labels: NZ election 2008, Peter Dunne no longer has worms, raccoons, sportsfreak, Winston First
