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Friday, November 27, 2009

I'm trying to be sympathetic but seriously 

In todays Herald.

The story of a couple who are barely making ends meet on a combined income of about $50 MORE than my household earns a week.

Their combined incomes of just $933 a week after tax, averaged over the year and excluding overtime, gives them just $33 a week for food, petrol and other living costs after meeting their automatic payments of $1800 a fortnight for the mortgage, rates, insurance, a car loan and hire purchases on a fridge and washing machine.

and it goes on...
Until 2006 they were renting, but the house was damp and Mrs Victory and her daughter Shontelle were constantly sick. When the landlord raised the rent, they applied for a state house.

"They asked, 'Are you on a benefit?' 'No, we both work,"' she said. "'Well, you don't qualify' they said.

"So then we thought about trying to buy our own house and were lucky enough to get a mortgage broker who secured it against my parents' house. We had no deposit. We had huge loans from our wedding. We consolidated the loans into the mortgage."

They bought a modest house in Papatoetoe for $279,000, paying off the mortgage at $1200 a fortnight. The interest rate dropped this year. But they used the difference to take a new loan for a car.

FFS, some free financial advice. Instead of spending $600 a week on your mortgage, sell the house and move into a $400 a week rental giving yourself an extra $850 a month to pay for the shit you are struggling to pay for and to clear some of your debts which are crippling you. Once that's done THEN look at saving a deposit and buying a house. YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE HOMEOWNERS IN YOUR CURRENT SITUATION. Join the tens of thousands of others who earn what you earn living in rental properties.

This is coming from someone who earns less than you two but lives in his own home with stay at home mum and child because I'm not carrying round an anchor of stupid debt.


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Just say no to puff pastry (oh yes, and Nick Smith) 

National Herald political columnist's puff piece on the abominable Nick Smith had our readers reaching for their vomitories. Instead of stating the obvious - that everything the erratic member for Nelson touches turns to poo, and that he lacks the intellect, the temperament and management skills to be sitting within 500 metres of any Cabinet table, Armstrong heaps on the praise. He's "self-disciplined", "self-confiden[t]" and "slippery". The latter apparently being a good thing.

One of our long-time readers, who wishes to be identified only as a prominent Hawkes Bay bee-keeper - was spluttering with outrage into his morning coffee. The following alternative adjectives were subsequently suggested for this one-time deputy leader of the National Party:


"cocksucking little bottom-feeder"

"rat bastard mofo"

"despicable turd"

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off to read some grown professionals a story about a rat, in the tradition of that nice Mr Key's other star minister, Anne "dullard" Tolley.

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Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Compliant media trots it out 

Yes, you saw it here second: "Shoppers remain cautious as Christmas approaches" bleats the DomPost.

As we have noted in the past, this will inevitably be followed up with: "NZ retailers relieved by last-minute spending spree."

The same thing they say every year, Pinky.

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Monday, November 23, 2009

TRY harder 

A statistical analysis of why rugby is fucked to watch.

So far in the NH tour (excluding the horrible Beldisloe test in Tokyo so I can keep it comparable to AB v NH opposition from previous tours) there have been a whopping 3 tries in total from either team in 240 minutes of rugby.

Now I posted here a while back about how awful rugby has been to watch this year since they ditched the by and large decent ELVs and went back to the tried and failed of the past so I won't bother to get into that again but rather serve up a few stats to highlight how awful this shit is to watch (probably why fuck all are bothering to tune in or ever talk about it at work, school or even sports forums where test matches are often passing by with next to no notice).

So here goes
1998 - 4 matches
24 TRIES (6 ave per match)

2000 - 3 matches
20 TRIES (6.7)

2001 - 3 matches
16 TRIES (5.3)

2002 - 3 matches
17 TRIES (5.7)

2004 - 4 matches
30 TRIES (7.5)

2005 - 4 matches
19 TRIES (4.8)

2006 - 4 matches
23 TRIES (5.8)

2008 - 4 matches
12 TRIES (3)

2009 - 3 matches (so far)
3 TRIES (1)

And in the past 7 AB tests in NH tour matches they have not had their tryline crossed. Thats 560 minutes of rugby.

Darth Watch: The horse has bolted! 

Darth's latest offering returns to one of his favourite topics: DOOM! Or is that: GLOOM! Or is that: THE END IS NIGH!

If it's not the bloody Labour Party and political correctness bringing this country to its knees, it's ... [insert dramatic drum roll here to indicate suspense] ... DRUGS!

Well, the illegal ones, anyway.

Opines Darth:
Sure, the police and Customs do their damnedest to stem the flow of illegal substances into this country, but they're obviously fighting a losing battle, and the pot and the P and the coke and the horse still flow like a river.

Darth, "the coke" and "the horse" do not flow freely in New Zealand, by any stretch of the imagination. In that they are both relatively scarce and bloody expensive. Also, no one has called heroin "horse" since you were a pup reporter on the crime beat.

Darth excludes his favoured substance (tobacco) from the list of "murderous" substances because, umm, well, it's umm legal and umm therefore not immoral or umm something.

Nevermind that rational analysis of drug harm by people who actually know their shit (Nutt et al. in the Lancet (2007)) leads alcohol and tobacco to be ranked (considerably) more highly than many illegal recreational drugs, including cannabis (well d'uh), LSD, GHB and Ecstasy. And FYI, George, amphetamine ranks below alcohol but above tobacco in terms of harm.

Nevermind, George is earning his keep this week via a blunderbuss approach to, err, listing social problems.

If the problem is drugs one paragraph, it's violence against children the next, investor rip-offs after that, and race relations (courtesy of a well-known half-brown motherfucker) bringing up the rear.

At which point Garth actually makes an interesting and likely valid point: " his [Harawira's] latest outburst reveals is that there is among many Maori an abiding and malevolent antipathy towards Pakeha, which is far more widespread than we're prepared to acknowledge" - the counterpoint of which is "a corresponding bitter antagonism to Maori on the part of many Pakeha."

But just when you think Ole Smokey might be on to something, he finds he has nothing more to say, and pads out his remaining space with 127 - yes, count 'em, 127 - consecutive words taken verbatim from the King James Bible he always has to hand.

I hope Isaiah is being handsomely reimbursed for such extensive - and entirely irrelevant - borrowing. There's nothing like a trite Bible phrase or two to complete one's weekly literary offering to the nation, followed by a pithy summary from the moustachioed one himself: "Fat chance, but the offer is still open."

True to form!

On a brighter note, doesn't Santa look awesome!?! Nothing like the 75-year-old alcoholic he previously resembled - he's now bright of eye, clear of skin, and confident of beard.

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Saturday, November 14, 2009

All White Motherfuckers!!! 

Mate, we're off to get screwed sideways in South Africa but at least it'll be us getting screwed sideways and not Bahrain.

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Friday, November 13, 2009

No truer words 


Friday, November 06, 2009

Blue not brown 

In a move designed to reassure his party’s traditional voters that the National-led Government is not spinelessly pandering to Maori radicals, Prime Minister John Key has come out swinging at New Zealand’s indigenous population.

Prime Minister John Key has labelled MP Hone Harawira nothing but a golliwog following the Maori Party’s spiteful racist email that was leaked to the media, in which he called New Zealanders of European ancestry “whitemotherf**kers”.

“Oh, Hone is way passed being a mere cheeky-darky this time,” Prime Minister John Key told reporters this morning, “he’s overstepped the boundary I feel it’s time I told a few home truths about our natives.”

“I’d like to reassure mainstream New Zealanders that this government is doing everything in its power to keep on top of the natives; why just last week we introduced a law meaning the Police can now forcibly take the DNA of anyone it even intends to charge,” Mr Key said.

“Without being burdened by the old fashioned notion of having to prove guilt, the Police will be able to intimidate and harass the public, and if you know your stuff, you’ll know you it’ll be the Maoris who will cop this new law the hardest.”

“I’ll go as far as saying I’ll eat my own shit live on television if next year’s crime statistics don’t show that Maori will be disproportionately represented in these figures,” he exclaimed.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is just like Keisha Castle-Hughes who should stick to acting – Maori in New Zealand need to stay out of political affairs and stick to stuff they’re good at like rugby and hakas.

“Just look at our record mainstream New Zealand – there ain’t no Maori seats on the new Auckland council, unemployment figures are through the roof and I can tell you it ain’t currency traders that are out of work, in fact, I’ve got Ministers working around the clock to introduce laws that will hit the poorest (and we know they’re Maori) hardest.”

My Key finished his media interview by saying that he would pop in for a cup of tea with any Mainstream New Zealanders who still felt uneasy – as long as Winston Peters wasn’t there too.

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