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Comrade Hillary

Friday, July 28, 2006

Dirty Immigrants! 

New immigrants to New Zealand must share our values, dc_red, blogger, said today in a blog of little consequence.

For too long the Helen Clark-led government has failed to discriminate between good immigrants who are willing to embrace a safe kind of diversity - perhaps, opening an ethnic food shop while in all other respects acting like John/Hone Q. Public - and bad immigrants who instead bring actual diversity, which your average Orewa retiree finds a bit threatening.

Monolingual New Zealanders everywhere should join me on insisting that new immigrants speak flawless English either on arrival, or soon thereafter - if yous gonna love in NewZild, yous need ta speik luke ass.

And they should dress like us too, goddamit. I'm talking Waikato rugby jersey, old stained blue rugby shorts, and gumboots (white or black, the choice is theirs!). No bloody French or Italian fashions here ... sweatpants are more than acceptable for local shopping trips, like to the Warehouse.

They should also be narrow-minded, uncritical of claims that New Zild is the greatest country on earth, think a trip to the Gold Coast is the high-point of any decent person's year, happy to live in the ridiculously over-priced wooden tents we call houses, and willing to accept that coal is an acceptable form of home heating (Dunedin migrants only). They should be prone to gross generalizations about other groups, especially minorities, and willing to comment at length on the Maori underclass of this country.

And they should understand the principles of the Treaty of Waitangi.


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