Friday, September 30, 2005
Drugs in Your Own Backyard
The New Zealand Herald can exclusively reveal that a drug known in various circles as "alcohol" is openly being sold at "liquor stores" throughout New Zealand. Herald sources say that this "alcohol" is "swallowed" from either a glass or else consumed straight from the bottle.
"Alcohol" comes in various strengths, colours and flavours in an attempt to appeal to as many people as possible and coerce them into purchasing and consuming this potentially dangerous and harmful drug.
One bottle chosen randomly off the shelves named "Coruba Jamaica Rum" is scandalous in its brazen labelling which doesn't even attempt to hide its content. It states that "Coruba is a dark, full flavoured Jamaican rum in the traditional style". Clearly Jamaica has been under the evil spell for some time as the "traditional Style" suggests and sources say that this particular brand of rum has been bottled since 1889. The label goes on to say "The Rum Company of Kingston, Jamaica [possibly an alias] has blended this fine example from a selection of pot and column still rums aged in small oak barrels". Investigations are still in their early stages but it appears as though "pot" (a commonly used nickname for marijuana, pronounced ma-ri-wah-na) may be a key ingredient. This "pot" as it is called here has the effect of making the "user" (the person that consumes the drug) feel very relaxed, often causing them to find many unusual and trifling things deep and meaningful and in many cases the "user" is driven to eating large amounts of junk food and giggling at b-grade movies in the bits that aren't even funny.
Whilst the "alcohol" goes on to state that it produces "a robust, full-bodied character with a smooth, mellow finish, resplendent with aromas and flavours of brown sugar, cocoa and caramel". Clearly the makers of this "alcohol" are trying to push their product at children with their inclusion of "cocoa and caramel" while they are also trying to get their brand secretly served at social events suggesting that it be used in "rum drinks, tropical cocktails and punches".
Tommorow our revealing insight into the undergroung world of "alcohol" continues with a look at another form known as "beer".
"Alcohol" comes in various strengths, colours and flavours in an attempt to appeal to as many people as possible and coerce them into purchasing and consuming this potentially dangerous and harmful drug.
One bottle chosen randomly off the shelves named "Coruba Jamaica Rum" is scandalous in its brazen labelling which doesn't even attempt to hide its content. It states that "Coruba is a dark, full flavoured Jamaican rum in the traditional style". Clearly Jamaica has been under the evil spell for some time as the "traditional Style" suggests and sources say that this particular brand of rum has been bottled since 1889. The label goes on to say "The Rum Company of Kingston, Jamaica [possibly an alias] has blended this fine example from a selection of pot and column still rums aged in small oak barrels". Investigations are still in their early stages but it appears as though "pot" (a commonly used nickname for marijuana, pronounced ma-ri-wah-na) may be a key ingredient. This "pot" as it is called here has the effect of making the "user" (the person that consumes the drug) feel very relaxed, often causing them to find many unusual and trifling things deep and meaningful and in many cases the "user" is driven to eating large amounts of junk food and giggling at b-grade movies in the bits that aren't even funny.
Whilst the "alcohol" goes on to state that it produces "a robust, full-bodied character with a smooth, mellow finish, resplendent with aromas and flavours of brown sugar, cocoa and caramel". Clearly the makers of this "alcohol" are trying to push their product at children with their inclusion of "cocoa and caramel" while they are also trying to get their brand secretly served at social events suggesting that it be used in "rum drinks, tropical cocktails and punches".
Tommorow our revealing insight into the undergroung world of "alcohol" continues with a look at another form known as "beer".
Comments:
Sshhhhh, I was going to go to my dealer (code name: New World) to purchase some beer tonight. I was probably going to drink it "straight from the bottle" although if I was feeling up-market, and wanting to imitate my social superiors, I might pour it into a "glass".
Alcohol? Bah - I can exclusively reveal that caffeine use in this country is well past epidemic proportions. Tens of thousands of people start their day by imbibing this mood-altering substance -- where I work, over half the staff spend all morning under its influence, often "topping up" well into the afternoon. Worse still, you can even get it in cafes -- what is this, Amsterdam?
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