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Friday, April 21, 2006

Satire is alive and well 

The Onion meets The Timaru Herald

The e-mail championing a boycott of Mobil is nothing but a hoax says company at heart of boycott.
OK, hands up all those who have forwarded an email calling for a ban on buying petrol from Mobil? The email was ripping through cyberspace at such a rate yesterday that company IT and system manager-types were sending out their own "don't send" instructions.
And it all turned out to be a con. The email sounded plausible – if we all boycott Mobil the company would eventually have to reduce its fuel prices. Other companies would do the same to keep their share of the market. The motorist would be smiling all the way to the pumps. Not so, according to Mobil's media man. In fact news of the email was greeted with a groan, and the "not again" sentiment. Yes, he knew of the email, and no, it isn't new, it's just spam, an electronic chain letter.

So it turns out the e-mail calling for a boycott of Mobil is a con, says Mobil's media manager.

It's nothing more than "spam," an "electronic chain letter," if you will.

Fuck, who would have thought?

It turns out, according to the Timaru Herald, that if everone stops buying off one company -- Mobil -- then "the smaller ones would still have to buy from them, and the motorist would probably have to pay even more for fuel as it would be available at fewer service stations".

So, Mobil would pack up shop and close down its service stations rather than try and become more competitive, and reverse the temporary consumer boycott aimed at lowering prices at the pump?

I don't think so Tim.

How does that song go?
Believin all the lies that they're telling ya, buying all the products that they're sellin ya

Now, I ain't no oil analyst but surely if there are four petrol companies and all of a sudden one of them starts making fuck all money it's going to have to do something to attract consumers, no?

And even if it did nothing at least we'd piss off Mobil's media manager and maybe slightly reduce this quarter's record profits Mobil will no doubt shortly be announcing -- it's more than an electronic chain letter now BIATCH.

They say jump an ya say how high?
ya brain dead
ya got a fuckin bullet in ya head

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