The Lineup
B.I.R. Column Of Fame
Man of Steel... Wood... and Mud: Bear Grylls
Rock Legend: Tom Morello

League Gods: The Emperor and Alfie

Str-8 Shoota: Malcolm X

Str-8 Shoota: Zack de la Rocha

Super Bad mofo's

Comrade Hillary

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Santa, the War on Terror's Latest Victim 

Merry Christmas to all!

Last night I took part in a very traditional Canadian Christmas-eve. Some food, some cheer, a tree lit up, the whole show.

And of course we had the radio on playing Christmas Carroll after Christmas Carroll. And of course between songs were the NORAD (North American Radar Air Defense) reports that tracked Santa's progress.

I remember this fondly, as a child of the cold war. NORAD, which was built to defend us helpless saps against the Soviet threat and is now maintained to make sure that China doesn't step out of line, would soften the hearts of every youngster by letting them know that Santa was in national airspace, and by letting them know that NORAD actually does something.

It was cute when I was seven. Knowing that our top military infrastructure could pick up Rudolph's nose. Back in the day, NORAD central command would say, "We have confirmed Santa's presence...Merry Christmas to all." I

t was just enough to encourage us little people to tuck in under the covers nice and early.

But last night the message changed, somewhat. "We have confirmed Santa's presence, and we have scrambled CF-18 fighter planes to escort the make sure that he's safe."

Safe from what?

The Grinch?

Is it not enough that we're inundated every other day of the year with bogus military and media reports about how our forces are doing wonders to keep us safe? I mean, do they really have to protect Santa Clause from terrorism too?

This is too much, and what really scared me was how natural the radio relayed the report. There was no stutter, no giggle, no condescending voice that comes when you speak with children.

No no, NORAD central command and the radio station seamlessly told the story of Canadian fighter jets protecting the jolly elf. They told it with the same vigour and professionalism as they tell us that Iran is nuclear capable, progress exists in Iraq, and that Afghans actually admire NATO forces.

For a while now I haven't believed in the story of Santa, even though that the message is a good one. Knowing now that our military believes in Santa or Pierre Noel (or whatever the local handle is) just as much as they believe in Al Qaeda or the Taliban (or whatever the local handle is), no longer gives me comfort. It gives me panic.

Because while we tend to outgrow, and then help become a part of, the Santa myth, I think that very few us outgrow the military myth, and by doing so we'll always stay a part of it.

Labels: , , , , ,

Safe from what?

I have been reliably informed that the Department of Homeland Security has received new intelligence regarding a potential terrorist infiltration of Santa's Christmas cavalcade. The word is Al Qaeda's developed ties with the former European terror group The Red Brigade and there are sleeper agents among Saint Nick's reindeer.

Apparently they go by the codenames Donner and Blitzen.

Post a Comment

This page is powered by Blogger. Isn't yours?

The New
Blogging it Real supports the following sporting organisations