Sunday, September 06, 2009
Do not watch this movie
Duplicity 'starring' (I use the term loosely) Julia Roberts and Clive Owen.
Marketed as "A cool, sexy, caper" it is in fact "A dull, mind-numbing, ripoff".
Imagine Mr and Mrs Smith. Then take out Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and replace them with this Clive Owen guy (whose speech is so inarticulate I nick-named him "Mumble Cheeks") and Juliasaurous Roberts (who I nick-named "Skeletor" on account of the depth to which her eyes have sunk back into her malnourished skull).
Then take out all the knives, guns and explosions and replace them excruciating dialogue in which two rival companies are allegedly out to get each other. Replace that awesome scene where they blow up the house with a scene of photocopying. Yes, that was the climax. I kid you not.
Less than an hour in I was willing either of the badly-caricatured CEOs of said companies to just shoot Roberts or Owen (or preferably both) in the head, and end this cruel farce. But, alas, it continued.
I'd rather watch an episode of In the Night Garden with L'il Red. I care more about the wellbeing of Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle than either of the leads in this duplicitously-marketed abomination.
It's up there with Independence Day, Godzilla, Chicago, Scent of a Woman, and The Phantom Menace, in my list of "zero star" movies.
Even intoxication will not make this movie even vaguely engaging, or illicit the mildest empathy for its characters. In fact, as Mrs_Red, observed, there is essentially no characterization. No back story. Nothing.
Marketed as "A cool, sexy, caper" it is in fact "A dull, mind-numbing, ripoff".
Imagine Mr and Mrs Smith. Then take out Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie and replace them with this Clive Owen guy (whose speech is so inarticulate I nick-named him "Mumble Cheeks") and Juliasaurous Roberts (who I nick-named "Skeletor" on account of the depth to which her eyes have sunk back into her malnourished skull).
Then take out all the knives, guns and explosions and replace them excruciating dialogue in which two rival companies are allegedly out to get each other. Replace that awesome scene where they blow up the house with a scene of photocopying. Yes, that was the climax. I kid you not.
Less than an hour in I was willing either of the badly-caricatured CEOs of said companies to just shoot Roberts or Owen (or preferably both) in the head, and end this cruel farce. But, alas, it continued.
I'd rather watch an episode of In the Night Garden with L'il Red. I care more about the wellbeing of Upsy Daisy and Iggle Piggle than either of the leads in this duplicitously-marketed abomination.
It's up there with Independence Day, Godzilla, Chicago, Scent of a Woman, and The Phantom Menace, in my list of "zero star" movies.
Even intoxication will not make this movie even vaguely engaging, or illicit the mildest empathy for its characters. In fact, as Mrs_Red, observed, there is essentially no characterization. No back story. Nothing.
Labels: iggle piggle, juliasaurous, movies
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