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Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Bobert's Olympic Date 

DC Red is right. I’ve been on holidays. It’s all I can do to put my pants on and quit drinking beer.

But somehow in there, with a complete lack of shaving and general personal hygiene, I had a date.

She was a former Olympian.

I only recently discovered that bench presses weren’t a bizarre type of printing device.

So of course we talked about the Olympics. I said, “Man, that’s a bad situation for the North Korean medalist who came up positive for the drugs in the 50m pistol.”

She said, “Yeah, well it happens.”

Then I thought, “Hold on…if a medalist tests positive for the drugs here in Canada, or the U.S., they often seal their fate by a bit of media embarrassment and then a likely drink-driving incident.”

But, in North Korea the average Johnny lives on 800 measly calories per day and I would guess that tremendous national resources are geared towards the Olympians in vain of the hunger and wretched poverty of their countrymen.

I would also guess that when Kim Jong Su was stripped of his silver medal, and also considering that Jin Jong Oh of South Korea won gold, there might be some harsh repercussions upon arriving in Pyongyang.

Let’s face it, entire families have been put in the DPRK’s jails when people have escaped to China or have created dissent against the Great Leader. So I would stand to guess, not confirm, but just stand to guess that the fan is going to hit the shit for Mr. Jong Su. It’s hard to guess what will happen, but I think that there might be a serious risk that he’ll be detained, or worse.

I said to my Olympian date, “Perhaps, the IOC could overlook the drug violation in light of the massive risk this might pose for this man? I mean, unless they are prepared to offer him asylum, what would the harm really be for testing positive to a drug that slows down the heart beat?”

She said, “Well, it happens.”

Hey lady! It doesn’t just fucking happen! And if the man’s safety is put in danger because he is now a national disgrace, I think that there might be serious ethical conundrum here.

Shouldn’t the IOC have the fucking good sense to realize that while sport might be neutral, how the athletes arrive to the stadium is far from it? And that if a little dope test lands the man in a North Korean jail, can you really say, “Ahh, he should have known better?”

She said, “Well, it happens.”

I said, “I want to see other people!”

I got up, left the bar, went home, took off my pants and I still haven’t shaved or bathed since.


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