Tuesday, December 07, 2004
English Premiership Round-up.
...because it's a damn sight easier than the whole prediction thing.
My selected style this week is to complete all reviews in a single sentence. Tune in next week when I actually think of something clever.
ASTON VILLA 1 - 1 LIVERPOOL
Aston Villa played the worst half of football of any team I have seen this season and we still couldn't win (this sentence limit is a good idea, because this could have turned into a rant about our inadequacy in front of goal, our inability to demolish teams that deserve to be demolished, the way we manage to make every game a close game even when it isn't) (parenthetical thoughts are counted as part of the single sentence, by the way) (Yes, even two).
CRYSTAL PALACE 0 - 1 CHARLTON
Both teams start with the letter C and the similarities don't end there; apparently they both played like crap on Sunday (I have the feeling the semi-colon and I are just at the beginning of a beautiful friendship).
EVERTON 3 - 2 BOLTON
Everton came from behind twice during the game to win; as a Liverpool supporter, there are several jokes right there to be made, but unfortunately all them require an extra sentence.
ARSENAL 3 - 0 BIRMINGHAM
The most predictable result of the weekend was that Birmingham didn't score; the most surprising was that Arsenal didn't concede.
NORWICH 0 - 1 FULHAM
Norwich have drawn 9 times this season already; obviously, this wasn't one of those 9 times (sorry, but it's Norwich!) (Against Fulham!)
MANCHESTER UNITED 3 - 0 SOUTHAMPTON
Christiano Ronaldo took a break from falling over a lot (yamis will have to dig up the accompanying gif) to score for the first time since he last stopped falling over, and Rooney took a break from scoring with the judicious use of the credit card to score on the field; Southampton didn't even get a tip for their pillaging here.
PORTSMOUTH 3 - 2 WEST BROMICH
West Brom remain last, which what you'd expect from a team that has a striker who can manage to miss from literally 1 meter out and who, like right here, can concede 2 goals in the last 5 minutes to lose.
BLACKBURN 0 - 1 TOTTENHAM
Tottenham fans moved the knives away from their wrists for at least another 7 days (they lost to the Liverpool reserve team in the Fizzy Pop Cup, you see; favorite thread title on the Spurs website: "We're F***ing Shit!") by managing to actually win a game they were expected to win.
CHELSEA 4 - 0 NEWCASTLE
Apparently, Newcastle produced one of their better defensive efforts of the season for the first 60 minutes of this game - now look at the score and wonder how it could possibly be that they have the worst record for goals conceeded in the Premiership.
My selected style this week is to complete all reviews in a single sentence. Tune in next week when I actually think of something clever.
ASTON VILLA 1 - 1 LIVERPOOL
Aston Villa played the worst half of football of any team I have seen this season and we still couldn't win (this sentence limit is a good idea, because this could have turned into a rant about our inadequacy in front of goal, our inability to demolish teams that deserve to be demolished, the way we manage to make every game a close game even when it isn't) (parenthetical thoughts are counted as part of the single sentence, by the way) (Yes, even two).
CRYSTAL PALACE 0 - 1 CHARLTON
Both teams start with the letter C and the similarities don't end there; apparently they both played like crap on Sunday (I have the feeling the semi-colon and I are just at the beginning of a beautiful friendship).
EVERTON 3 - 2 BOLTON
Everton came from behind twice during the game to win; as a Liverpool supporter, there are several jokes right there to be made, but unfortunately all them require an extra sentence.
ARSENAL 3 - 0 BIRMINGHAM
The most predictable result of the weekend was that Birmingham didn't score; the most surprising was that Arsenal didn't concede.
NORWICH 0 - 1 FULHAM
Norwich have drawn 9 times this season already; obviously, this wasn't one of those 9 times (sorry, but it's Norwich!) (Against Fulham!)
MANCHESTER UNITED 3 - 0 SOUTHAMPTON
Christiano Ronaldo took a break from falling over a lot (yamis will have to dig up the accompanying gif) to score for the first time since he last stopped falling over, and Rooney took a break from scoring with the judicious use of the credit card to score on the field; Southampton didn't even get a tip for their pillaging here.
PORTSMOUTH 3 - 2 WEST BROMICH
West Brom remain last, which what you'd expect from a team that has a striker who can manage to miss from literally 1 meter out and who, like right here, can concede 2 goals in the last 5 minutes to lose.
BLACKBURN 0 - 1 TOTTENHAM
Tottenham fans moved the knives away from their wrists for at least another 7 days (they lost to the Liverpool reserve team in the Fizzy Pop Cup, you see; favorite thread title on the Spurs website: "We're F***ing Shit!") by managing to actually win a game they were expected to win.
CHELSEA 4 - 0 NEWCASTLE
Apparently, Newcastle produced one of their better defensive efforts of the season for the first 60 minutes of this game - now look at the score and wonder how it could possibly be that they have the worst record for goals conceeded in the Premiership.
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