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Saturday, October 16, 2004

Conspiracy and Porn 

Great heading right?

To add to the never ending question of what the fuck happened to the Boeing that hit the Pentagon?, here is a nice wee video for you.

http://members.iinet.net.au/~sperna/omgkool.swf (just cut and paste it).

Back to my recent disturbing? theme on these pages lately.

What you can learn by watching porn... (note I find these hilarious but if you don't like or watch porn and are a bit squemish then.... fuck off).

1. Women wear high heels to bed.
2. Men are never impotent.
3. When going down on a woman 10 seconds is more than satisfactory.
4. If a woman gets busted masturbating by a strange man, she will not scream with embarrassment, but rather insist he have sex with her.
5. Women smile appreciatively when men splat them in the face with sperm.
6. Women enjoy having sex with ugly, middle-aged men.
7. Women moan uncontrollably when giving a blowjob.
8. Women always orgasm when men do.
9. A blowjob will always get a woman off a speeding ticket.
10. All women are noisy fucks.
11. People in the 70's couldn't fuck unless there was a wild guitar solo in the background.
12. Those tits are real.
13. A common and enjoyable sexual practice for a man is to take his half-erect penis and slap it repeatedly on a woman's butt.
14. Men always groan "OH YEAH!" when they cum.
15. If there are two men, they "high five" each other(and the girl isn't disgusted).
16. Double penetration makes women smile.
17. Asian men don't exist.
18. If you come across a guy and his girlfriend having sex in the bushes, the boyfriend won't bash seven shades of shit out of you if you shove your cock in his girlfriend's mouth.
19. There's a plot.
20. When taking a woman from behind, a man can really excite a woman by giving her a gentle slap on the butt.
21. Nurses suck patient's cocks.
22. Men always pull out.
23. When your girlfriend busts you getting a blowjob from her best friend, she'll only be momentarily pissed off before fucking the both of you.
24. Women never have headaches... or periods.
25. When a woman is sucking a man's cock, it's very important for him to remind her to "suck it".
26. A man ejaculating on a woman's butt is a satisfying result for all parties concerned.
27. Women always look pleasantly surprised when they open a man's trousers and find a cock there.
28. When standing during a blowjob, a man will always place one hand firmly on the back of the kneeling woman's head and the other proudly on his hip.

Comments:
Most of these seem fair enough to me, but when has there been a movie with a plot??
 
I believe that any words spoken prior to, or after the sex, constitutes a plot.

However I don't recall there ever being a plot to any sex I've ever had. At least none worthy of a movie re-enactment.
 
OK then, here's a honesty check.

Hand on heart, say you've never done number 14....
 
hell, I can see 9 on there that may apply to me.
 
Numbers 13 and 20 are certainly strongly recommended.

And the speeding ticket thing will always work, and rightly so.
 

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