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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

English Premiership Round-up. 

...because it's a damn sight easier than the whole prediction thing.

My selected style this week is to complete all reviews in a single sentence. Tune in next week when I actually think of something clever.

ASTON VILLA 1 - 1 LIVERPOOL

Aston Villa played the worst half of football of any team I have seen this season and we still couldn't win (this sentence limit is a good idea, because this could have turned into a rant about our inadequacy in front of goal, our inability to demolish teams that deserve to be demolished, the way we manage to make every game a close game even when it isn't) (parenthetical thoughts are counted as part of the single sentence, by the way) (Yes, even two).

CRYSTAL PALACE 0 - 1 CHARLTON

Both teams start with the letter C and the similarities don't end there; apparently they both played like crap on Sunday (I have the feeling the semi-colon and I are just at the beginning of a beautiful friendship).

EVERTON 3 - 2 BOLTON

Everton came from behind twice during the game to win; as a Liverpool supporter, there are several jokes right there to be made, but unfortunately all them require an extra sentence.

ARSENAL 3 - 0 BIRMINGHAM

The most predictable result of the weekend was that Birmingham didn't score; the most surprising was that Arsenal didn't concede.

NORWICH 0 - 1 FULHAM

Norwich have drawn 9 times this season already; obviously, this wasn't one of those 9 times (sorry, but it's Norwich!) (Against Fulham!)

MANCHESTER UNITED 3 - 0 SOUTHAMPTON

Christiano Ronaldo took a break from falling over a lot (yamis will have to dig up the accompanying gif) to score for the first time since he last stopped falling over, and Rooney took a break from scoring with the judicious use of the credit card to score on the field; Southampton didn't even get a tip for their pillaging here.

PORTSMOUTH 3 - 2 WEST BROMICH

West Brom remain last, which what you'd expect from a team that has a striker who can manage to miss from literally 1 meter out and who, like right here, can concede 2 goals in the last 5 minutes to lose.

BLACKBURN 0 - 1 TOTTENHAM

Tottenham fans moved the knives away from their wrists for at least another 7 days (they lost to the Liverpool reserve team in the Fizzy Pop Cup, you see; favorite thread title on the Spurs website: "We're F***ing Shit!") by managing to actually win a game they were expected to win.

CHELSEA 4 - 0 NEWCASTLE

Apparently, Newcastle produced one of their better defensive efforts of the season for the first 60 minutes of this game - now look at the score and wonder how it could possibly be that they have the worst record for goals conceeded in the Premiership.



Comments:
Oh, by the way, suggestions for the style of next week's round-up are appreciated and - let's face it - desperately needed.

So far, I've got:

1. haiku form
2. faux-Janet Frame (being a Kiwi site and all)
3. as Winston Peters (blaiming all the losses on the imported players)
4. using only palindromes
5. In the manner of Ulysses, a different literary style for each game.
 
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