blogging it real

In your face bitch!!!!!!!!!

2011-10-15T23:44:00.002+13:00

Way to go France. You are fucking awesome. Where was the white flag?

Common theme?

2011-07-27T09:32:00.004+12:00

Does anyone else detect a common theme emerging from the politics headlines regarding Labour and National's fortunes on Stuff today?

Politics Headlines
National Party could govern alone
No Labour deal with Greens to oust Dunne, says Goff
Labour attacks Telecom UFB win
Voters seem to have taken vow with Key
Goff steering Labour to knacker's yard
Voters undeterred by PM's stumbles
National supporters stay loyal to Key-fronted party

The big clean out

2011-06-22T06:06:00.005+12:00

So, how's that closing the gap with Australia going?

Well, a record 3300 (net) Kiwis left New Zealand for its warmer, wealthier pastures in May alone.

This compares (unfavourably) with a net loss of 'just' 1700 last May.

That Nice Mr Key is lucky the media is framing this largely as a "people abandoning Christchurch due to the constant bloody earthquakes" issue, rather than as a "the New Zealand economy is poked, and getting worse" issue.

However, the Christchurch angle doesn't bear too much scrutiny: only 800 international departees listed that as their prior permanent abode. That's only 300 more than left Christchurch in May 2010.

Put it another way: even if all 800 Christchurch residents leaving New Zealand went to Australia (and they didn't ... that figure includes all emigrants), it would account for only half the net increase in loss to Australia between May 2010 and May 2011!

In addition, we could estimate that the 800 figure is only 18.8% of the 4257 gross departures from New Zealand to Australia (945 people moved permanently in the opposite direction).

Given that not all 800 would have left for Australia, this means that more than 83% of New Zealanders heading permanently in that direction were from non-earthquake-afflicted areas.

That's the line the media should go with.

Or, it could lead with part of this quote from Prof Paul Spoonley, which seems on the money:

"Once these people have found a job and are settled in Australia, then the short answer is that they are unlikely to be coming back," he said.
"We are losing people who are in their prime working age and very often, they take their family and children along with them.
"So effectively, New Zealand is losing two generations of Kiwis at least."

The Stats Don't Lie (Much)

2011-04-28T22:25:00.004+12:00

The crowd averages for the Super Rugby season thus far...

New Zealand: 12,732 (down 12%)
Australia: 19,312 (down 3%)
South Africa: 32,175 (up 24%)

So South Africa, who isn't hosting the RWC and has a bunch of teams who are mainly either shit, or underperforming are attracting crowds that NZ couldn't even wild sex wet dream about.

A few notes on the figures. The NZ figure doesn't include the Crusaders crowd from London for obvious reasons. Factors that have also influenced NZ crowds are clearly the Crusaders being unable to play at AMI Stadium (did AMI insure the stadium?). This would have been offset to some extent by Eden Park now being fully open whereas last year half of it was a construction site.

I have the crowd numbers for 61 out of 65 games so they pretty accurate. I am missing the crowds for two of the three Cheetahs games. Namely the last two which were their smallest, the Lions are missing two of their five as well, and they too will be too embarrassed to tell anybody how pathetically small their support now is. It was a ghost town in their ground last time out. And the Chiefs are missing the crowd for the Blues game which I saw on TV had sweet fuck all at it which is odd since it's supposed to be a derby game.

Stats (brackets is the total number up or down to date)
Stormers: 36447 (-5935)
Bulls: 35211 (+920)
Sharks: 30840 (+5173)
Lions: 28521 (+17382) *more like 20,000.
Reds: 26734 (+3907)
Waratahs: 23472 (-733)
Cheetahs: 23012 (+8671) * missing smaller crowds, probably 18,000.
Blues: 18321 (+504)
Rebels: 18086
Crusaders: 15419 (-6217) *includes London crowd
Force: 15405 (-1615)
Brumbies: 14524 (-733)
Hurricanes: 11494 (-3461)
Highlanders: 10847 (+5004)
Chiefs: 10,142 (-1486)

The obvious questions are why do the South African crowds grow significantly when they already have the biggest crowds? and why do our crowds continue to suck dogs balls?

Yes there is a financial 'crisis' but that is a global one and it has had little effect on Aussie and SA. Also the NRL crowds are as high as ever so far this year and in the past two years. The AFL average attendance last year was the highest ever.

That is a bullshit excuse, and I have heard people use it. The fact is people have lost interest plain and simple. The roots lie in the rest and rotation of the ABs in 2008. In 2007 the average crowd in NZ was 20172. In 2008 it was 15805. In the world of professional sport that is a COLLOSAL drop. It means 1 out of every 4 people thought "fuck this" and stopped going. And they've never gone since.

Other factors I think in the continued stagnation/drop are the number of people who now have Sky, especially MY Sky, who will now question why they would pay $85 a month to watch sport on TV and then go and blow anything from $40 to $100 plus if you have a family on getting ripped by parking, tickets, and food for ONE game that you could be watching from the comfort of home. Also if people are struggling to make ends meet then how come Sky subscriptions are going up, not being cancelled?

The ticket prices in South Africa are tiny compared to here. Yes it is a poorer country, and yes it is more heavily populated, but not by the white folk who go to the games. Tickets there are in the range of $5 for a crappy seat (in modern stadiums) to about $20 for the best seats in the house. People don't go the Cheetahs or Lions games (aside from season openers) because they are shithouse, but by god do they go to Stormers, Bulls and Sharks games. Despite the fact that they lie 3rd, 6th and 8th on the ladder.

In case the NZRU hasn't noticed, NZers a) aren't really fucking wealthy and b) spend their money on a shit load of other things these days.

You are in competition for their $$$'s which means that you either put on a better show (which you don't) or else you lower the prices (which you don't). Fortunately for them the Highlanders are going well this year which has meant that their is noticeably more support down south, but it's hard to see that squad carrying that on for much beyond this year.

The other concerning fact is that NZ has the strongest performing teams in the competition and yet it still doesn't translate into improved attendances overall.

NZ teams: 25 wins, 3 draws, 17 losses (147 comp points)
Aussie teams: 21 wins, 1 draw, 22 losses (127 comp points)
SA teams: 19 wins, 26 losses --- (118 comp points)

If the ABs crap out in this years WC and we get that stream of our Super Rugby players continuing overseas, and the NZ teams drop down in performance to the Aussie and SA sides then god help us in 2012 and beyond.

So no pressure aye?

Rugby Crowds in the Most Important Year in NZ Rugby History

2011-04-28T18:16:00.004+12:00

I'm not actually going to comment on them right now, just a promise that I might get drunk later this evening and put up the crowd stats from the Super Rugby comp thus far in 2012. The might part doesn't apply to me getting drunk. That's definately happening as my school hols wind down. It's just a matter of remembering to post the stats. Remind me if I don't. I guess it will add further weight to the idea that NZ is NOT 4 million AB supporters and that adding to the research suggesting only one million people outside the 8 major rugby nations watched the last WC final, is the fact that only one million NZers even watched NZ bow out of the last WC on a Sunday morning on free to air TV.

Yo, yo, wassup

2011-04-28T00:02:00.002+12:00

Been getting my arse handed to me in the NRL tipping stakes for the first few weeks but have now got my freak on. Tipped 6 from 8 three weeks running.

Blues are going pretty good but don't have the tight game plan needed to win the comp. Their attack is as dangerous as a samurai sword in the hands of a 4 year old with a temper. If they get a home semi (which I doubt they will as they have a hard draw from now on) then they can make the final, but if they are on the road, sure they'll be a tricky side to play but an in form team playing good rugby at home will take care of them.

The only NZ team that can win the comp is the Saders as usual.

If they don't then the Reds will.

So I'm calling it early.

Reds or Saders to win the comp. Blues are the outsiders. The South African teams are dangerous but not on the road so much and it's unlikely the Sharks or Stormers will get a home final. Heck they probably won't even get a home semi.

Aussie to win the RWC.

You heard it here first, or seventh, or nineteenth.

Not cool

2011-03-24T05:26:00.004+13:00

Men in positions of power/authority need to be careful who they socialize with in private and semi-private contexts, for fear of vindictive and attention-seeking behaviour on the part of young associates. And of course, for the inability to resist a chance to get their end away, a la Bill Clinton.

The alleged incident may amount to no more than an unwanted advance, with no hint of force, which is well short of criminal behaviour, but it's still so uncool.

First, it speaks to an inability to draw a line between public duties (speaking at a comedy debate) and acceptable public socialization (with a large group at the Matterhorn), and going on a late-night bender with teenagers before taking one back to a private residence ... and not even your private residence in the early hours, but that of a sleeping senior colleague.

Second, how much disrespect does that show for your host? You're a former minister and current MP and you can't spring for an inner-city hotel room for the night?

And then after things go south (or not), the senior colleague's house is searched by the cops looking for "evidence" (of what, a giant black dildo?)

Don't socialize privately with young people when you're 32, don't bring them back to a private residence, and be wary of young "hangers-on" who might have ulterior motives. Honestly, it's not rocket science - behave like a responsible professional, not a horndog teenager.

The public will take a very dim view of this whole thing, and the overtones of predatory sexual behaviour.

ACT releases new energy policy

2011-03-12T10:35:00.003+13:00

Nuclear power features prominently in the energy policy released by ACT deputy leader John Boscowan today.

"If the current increases in oil prices, escalating electricity bills and the economic costs of the earthquake have taught us anything, it's that New Zealand urgently needs nuclear power," he told a small audience in Rakaia.

"The opening up of valuable land within the Christchurch urban limits presents unheralded opportunities to site one or more new stations."

New Zealanders would have to "get past" their unscientific fears of this technology, and the unfamiliar sight of massive concrete cooling towers, Mr Boscowan continued.

"A serious uranium mining initiative in our National Parks system, combined with a network of nuclear power stations, will give New Zealand the chance to become energy self-sufficient."

He was also critical of Prime Minister John Key, saying National had failed to reduce "RMA red tape" in order to let contractors "get on with the job of building reactors as quickly and cheaply as possible."

When asked by a member of the audience whether anything could possibly go wrong, Mr Boscowan answered with a resounding "no", before denouncing the questioner as a "lilly-livered, Green party voting, global warming alarmist with an anti-growth mentality and a fundamental lack of trust in New Zealand's number 8 wire, she'll be right philosophy."

Reelaxxx

2011-03-11T08:44:00.000+13:00

Who's got the Power?

2011-03-04T16:56:00.003+13:00

by chuck z

Sure he's a conservative from Palmerston North, but if there was a 'Politician Idol'-type reality TV show to find the best national politician, Simon Power would pip Grant Robertson in the final after seeing off Key, Parker (or Goff) and Joyce in the semis. A bit of a blow to the quality of our political management then, that he's leaving politics.

This generation's Minister for Everything is leaving ostensibly of his own accord, according to his personal plan, having done what he wanted. For a guy with so much power, the fact that he's giving it up freely just confirms that he's the guy you wanted having that much power, as it seems not to have corrupted him.

But what gives in National? First 'future leader' Katherine Rich gives it all up, then 'other future leader' Power does the same. Now the only other 'future leader' left in National's top ranks is another fucking multi-millionaire - Steve Joyce*.

The good leave. McCully the puppeteer, 'Rile' the Nasty SOB, Smith the whinger and Collins the executioner all stay. (To think that half that list aren't even honest enough to exit the closet speaks volumes.) Oh well, the leaders don't lead National anyway, Muzza does, and he won't go anywhere until he's staked through the heart.

*(In Joyce's defence he's not like that other multi-millionaire leading the Nats because 1) he's a committed NZer, having been here his entire career, and 2) he made his money by himself, starting small, taking his own risks and building up astutely over the years. That is far different from that Key guy who had his career overseas, and was good at gambling with other people's money, speculating on other's success while being an ultimate corporation man and never producing anything of value apart from his kids.)

Look who's moving in next door, or not

2011-01-29T11:59:00.007+13:00

Young New Zealanders are being forced out of the property market by high prices as rich Chinese buy up the country's properties screamed the Herald last week.

Chinese nationals are moving into the New Zealand property market as Kiwis find the dream of owning their own home slipping away due to high prices. Despite the Demographia International Housing Affordability survey released this week finding New Zealand to be one of the world's costliest places to buy a home, price does not seem to be a barrier for wealthy Chinese nationals who are being blocked from buying second or third homes in China.

The article suggests rich Chinese are motivated by the "higher prestige and status" that comes with increased home ownership - and presumably the opportunity to turn these houses into opium dens too.

As the Chinese government begins restricting multiple house sales at home, the Herald infers, the Chinese are buying up family homes here forcing true blue jandal-wearing Kiwis into poverty.

But then here's the catch, here's the quote from the one Real Estate company the journalist actually talked to:

"There hasn't been an increase in the number of sales, but certainly the inquiries are starting to come in," said managing director Peter Thompson. He said he could not say how many properties in the past six months were sold to Chinese nationals because the agency did not keep a record of the nationalities of buyers.

So is there any evidence at all in this story to suggest the Chinese are increasingly buying up Hone and Elizabeth's first dream home?

The sole example of a Chinese national *actually trying* to buy property the Herald gives is this:

A licensed immigration adviser, whose client is among the 43 Chinese (high net wealth individuals looking to emigrate here) said his client had also asked him to search for a commercial property around the $2 million price range.

How many young kiwis looking to get into the property market are looking at $2 million commercial properties?

Perhaps if the Herald went to the North Shore of Auckland it'd see communities full of English and South African nationals - possibly motivated by prestige and status (or just by the need for a roof over their families' heads) - buying up young kiwis' houses too.

For shame.

Public Enemy - House Of The Rising Son

2011-01-23T01:43:00.000+13:00

Finally, a resolution

2011-01-04T12:06:00.002+13:00

DC Red threw me a bone this morning.

I was wondering whether it was a bad thing that I hadn't bothered with the normal (isn't it?) start-of-year navel gaze and framed any resulting decisions or revisions as 'New Year's Resolutions'. (New Year's Resolutions are so last year.)

DC Red challenged me to take a punt on Aussies to win Ashes 5. But my TAB account swallowed $500 last year and I had to put it aside, and I don't think I should go there again. But perhaps... yes; if I were to frame it as a resolution. If I were to resolve to win back last years losses, then my weakness for gambling would be... something I was working on (a la NY resolutions)... whilst gambling! Brilliant!

So, I've dropped $70 into my TAB account. I aim to take the balance from $70.10 to $600 without topping it up, this year. I figure $600 is a the return of principal plus a bit of interest.

I figure it'll be hard, but I have a strategy. I'll let you know how I go.

For services to self-aggrandizement

2010-12-31T08:33:00.004+13:00

Ray "I invented contact lenses, conduct laser eye surgery in my sleep, and cure 400 million people of blindness and hysterical pregnancy every week" Avery.
Backstory here.

His media officer deserves a promotion, and perhaps an hereditary peerage to go with it.

Whatever next, knighthoods for people who make a living flogging shitty jewellery around the world?! Oh, hang on.

Holiday News from the backlines

2010-12-29T08:20:00.003+13:00

I was dropping off some library books yesterday when a 50 year old bloke pulled up in a car next to me to ask if everything was shut. I replied that it looked that way, since there was not a single other vehicle in the carpark.

Thing was this guy had lustrous blonde locks and was wearing red ribbons in his hair.

Maybe when he asked me if everything was shut he meant something else and for my sake I unwittingly gave the correct answer.

In other news 3 families went home early from their holiday in Mt Maunganui. Other kids were crying in the carpark and having to go to grandma's caravan to colour in. I just can't handle big news like this. It overwhelms the senses.

Tour of Duty

2010-12-22T18:39:00.004+13:00

This dude will go back to playing Starcraft 15 hours a day as soon as he's done with his 24 months military service.

Hamilton smells the fumes...

2010-12-14T17:44:00.005+13:00

Remember how so many people laid into Auckland City Council about not getting the V8 Supercars and about how awesome and far-sighted the Hamilton City Council was for stumping up with the cash and venue???

Yeah well, how's about this then...

30 million bucks for a city with around 100,000 people in it.

That's $300 PER RATEPAYER.

Ouch.

AWOL

2010-12-14T11:16:00.001+13:00

Bloody hell, now that the holidays have arrived I might find some time to write something here.

Or maybe I won't.

I've sold ma house and don't move until mid January so have no DIY to do for the first time in 6 years.

What the fuck am I going to do but waste my brain cells on the net?

BENEFIT FRAUD!#@% ... (of 0.000064%)

2010-12-04T08:22:00.003+13:00

Fraudsters rob pensions of the dead screams the Herald's lead this morning.

It's those feckless benefit abusers taking another suckle on the public teat ... this time dishonouring the dead in so doing! You can almost picture the spittle frothing at the mouth of the aggrieved taxpaying hordes.

Mid-way through the story, we learn just why this gross abuse of the public purse merits headline news:

Investigators "data-mined" 250,000 beneficiary deaths and decided 33 needed further investigation.

Criminal charges were eventually laid against 16 people. [...]

All but one of the 16 people charged have since pleaded guilty, and eight have been sentenced.

Right, so 33/250,000 potential cases that were 'suspicious', and 16/250,000 that were 'prosecuted'.

If the 16th is found guilty, that's 0.000064% of potential cases that resulted in fraud (not bad for a worst case scenario).

If the total of guilty parties remains at 15, it's 0.0006%.

Alternate headline: Kiwis remarkably honest people; benefit fraud remains almost non-existent

Sniffing at the royal pantaloons

2010-11-17T08:29:00.002+13:00

Nothing like the betrothal of two English aristocrats to bring out the forelock tuggers.

John Key appears easily impressed:
"The Prime Minister is thrilled at the news of Prince William and Kate Middleton's engagement and wishes them all the best for their upcoming wedding," a spokeswoman for Key said.

The spokesperson for the odious Monarchy NZ has a go at the fiction that William & Kate are somehow, actually, um, New Zealanders:

"They're part of New Zealand's royal family, now Kate's going to be the newest part of that family," he said.

"Ultimately this is part of our royal family of 16 realms, so that'll bring focus to not only to the UK but also to New Zealand if we use the opportunity right."

New Zealand's royal family eh? Just a happy coincidence that it's identical to the British one? And that the terms and conditions of becoming a member of "New Zealand's royal family" are determined by archaic British law (Act of Succession, etc.).

Cost of living debate: Chevrolet Cruze vs Holden Cruze

2010-11-02T07:19:00.003+13:00

The Cruze has caught my eye lately as a potential family car, and since it's offered in NZ (with a Holden badge) and Canada (with a Chev badge) with the same 1.8L petrol 'ecotec' engine and a 6-sp manual gearbox, I decided to compare prices:

Alberta incl GST $17,275
(NZD22,204 on today's exchange rate)

New Zealand incl GST $29,300

So that's NZD7000 (25%) more!

If sales tax here was 15% (which it is in some provinces) the price of the Chevrolet Cruze would increase to CAD19,000 (NZD24,422), so it would still be NZD5000 cheaper than exactly the same car in New Zealand, albeit with the steering wheel on the other side and no running lights.

Rip. Off. Alert.

Ray Avery: Self-Promoter of the Year?

2010-10-22T14:52:00.003+13:00

Just caught this story via scoopit. Since the Herald is still lavishing praise on this dubious winner of the New Zealander of the Year Award, it's worth thinking about what, if anything, he's actually achieved beyond spectacular self-promotion:

NZer of the Year claims don't add up
Claims about the role New Zealander of the Year (NZY) Ray Avery has played in helping the world’s cataract blind don’t add up.

At the 2010 NZY Awards Avery was hailed as a scientist whose inventions included “intraocular lenses (IOLs) to combat blindness and the laboratories and technology needed to make them”.

Investigations conducted by The United Press reveal that this claim is not supported by the facts – Avery neither invented IOLs nor the technology needed to make them.

Despite the claim being false it has been repeated as fact to New Zealanders by dozens of media outlets since the awards were held in February.

IOLs were invented by British ophthalmologist, Sir Harold Ridley, during the Second World War before Avery was born.

An IOL is a thin piece of clinical quality plastic implanted into the eye to replace the eye’s natural clouded lens or cataract.

While low-cost generic IOLs – which Avery is often also credited with inventing in the media and also on his Wikipedia page – were on the market before Avery worked in the industry.

In the early 1990s Avery was employed by the Australian non-profit organisation, the Fred Hollows Foundation (FHF), as their technical director to help build two IOL manufacturing plants for them; one in Eritrea and the other in Nepal.

Avery told the United Press that he didn’t invent IOLs but said what he did invent was an improved way of cutting and polishing the lenses while they were being processed.

This, said Avery, allowed the FHF to produce an “IOL surface that was better than anything else on the market”.

Asked why he hadn’t corrected the widespread misinformation surrounding his IOL inventions Avery said he “could not be held responsible” for what people wrote about him.

He said he had told the NZY company and the media exactly what he told this newspaper.

“Sometimes people just write stuff to make it sound simple, but it’s a complicated story,” he said.

But there is more information distributed by the NZY awards about his role in developing IOLs that is incorrect.

According to the NZY awards, Avery’s invention made “life-changing lenses affordable to the poorest of the poor for the first time”.

But the FHF factories in Eritrea and Nepal began production in 1994 while Indian non-profit organisation, Aurolab, had already been producing and selling cut-price generic lenses for two years.

Aurolab co-founder, David Green, who is credited abroad with being the first to make IOLs available to the poor, said that their “high-tech” plant sold 37,000 lenses in 1992 and its production then grew by “37 percent annually”.

“Since 1992, Aurolab has supplied more than 7 million lenses to its customers in India and more than 120 other countries worldwide,” the company states on its website.

Avery said that while Aurolab did start making generic IOLs first, unlike the FHF they didn’t have a significant impact on the world market and only used them in their own eye hospital.

“They (Aurolab) started manufacturing 18 months before us but they certainly didn’t have the volume that we did – they were an Indian manufacturer and no one trusted them.”

“They didn’t collapse the (international IOL) price because no one would buy off them.”

In the official NZY Awards media release former prime minister and NZY Award patron, Jim Bolger, said that “because of Avery, an estimated 30 million people suffering from cataract blindness will have regained their sight by 2020”.

Yet the World Health Organisation told The United Press this week that its most recent assessment of the total number of cataract blind was 17.6 million people.
Moreover, production statistics from the FHF factories in Eritrea and Nepal show their combined output between 1994 and 2010 was 4 million lenses.

In 2003, the FHF celebrated just its one millionth cataract operation.

Asked to justify the seemingly high 30 million figure, Avery said it included not just the completely blind, but those who were losing their sight as well.

Avery said the FHF had made its IOL technology “open source” – available to other companies to replicate – and that some had done so.

Questioned as why the few references to his work on the FHF websites stated only that he was the foundation’s technical director at the labs, Avery said the organisation didn’t acknowledge his work because it did not want to lose donors to his own Medicine Mondiale organisation.

When asked to help provide evidence for their claims on Avery, NZY national awards coordinator, Grant McCabe, said to speak to Avery’s publicity officer.

That last line's a killer: when the claims made about someone don't add up, that person's publicity officer will surely put you right!

If the New Zealand Defence Force is hiring a senior official, they might want to consider putting Mr Avery on their short-list.

Freezing eh?

2010-09-19T05:55:00.003+12:00

Along with the snow came freezing temperatures; at 1pm yesterday the temperature in Invercargill was 1C but the wind chill factor made it feel much colder.

The SST can call me when it's -30 and the wind chill factor mades it feel -40. Or when it's so cold icicles form on your eyelashes, causing them to stick together, and the moisture in your breath freezes upon each exhalation giving you an attractive icy muzzle. Judging by the frost and persistent single-digit temperatures around here, such events won't be too far away...

An idiot's guide to exterminating state education in ten simple steps

2010-09-18T00:29:00.001+12:00

An idiot's guide to exterminating state education in ten simple steps:

1) Give the Minister of Education portfolio to your least intelligent MP – a woman known around the capital as ‘Chocolate teapot’ Tolley. Ensure that she has no experience of educational practice, pedagogical theory, or knowledge of the sector.
2) Tell the state education sector that there is no money in the budget, then give $36m to wealthy private schools.
3) Ignore the genuine crisis within state education and manufacture a whole new one around achievement, so that voters are distracted and misinformed, and dogmatic changes can be pushed through without the support of teachers, boards of trustees, school managers, academics or anyone else who actually understands education.
4) Enforce changes to the sector based on populist, vote-winning slogans and initiatives that have failed internationally, are not backed by peer-reviewed research and therefore not supported by the sector.
5) Wage war on the sector by taking an arrogant approach to pushing through these changes against all the best advice of those with the most experience and knowledge.
6) Undermine the work teachers do by entering negotiations in bad faith; removing hard-won advances in conditions and terms of employment and proposing an effective pay cut for teachers.
7) Ensure that while conditions deteriorate and pay is reduced, workloads increase and class-sizes grow.
8) Ignore concerns about recruitment and retention.
9) Ignore agencies working within the international marketplace who are actively recruiting New Zealand teachers every day.
10) Continue to repeat simplistic soundbites and one-line rhetoric in attacking teachers as greedy, mischievous and unprofessional, instead of working with the sector to address genuine concerns and negotiate an acceptable solution.

If you are as concerned about the decline of state education in New Zealand as I am, please copy and paste this, publish it, hand it out, stick it up etc etc etc.

Cheers,
Neil Watts

The Little Man Getting Behind Poor National

2010-08-20T09:05:00.002+12:00

And here we see how the common man, woman and child feels so much love for the Nats as big cheques roll in from Chinese business people, upmarket restaurants and BMW dealers.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/business/news/article.cfm?c_id=3&objectid=10667439

National, going once, going twice, sold, to the highest bidder.

Duncan Garner learnt from the master

2010-08-07T07:05:00.002+12:00

...and added his own special brand of homophobia for the purposes of mild differentiation.

Canis lupus dingo

2010-07-29T06:27:00.003+12:00

Wellington Zoo's new dingo pup sure is cute, but its keeper is dumb as a sack of nails to say:

"The dingo is not a domestic dog and no amount of socialising will turn him into one."

First, dingos (like any member of Canis lupus) is domesticatable, especially if raised by humans from puppyhood. Many dingoes are kept as pets today, and others as working dogs. Just like they have been for thousands of years.

Second, the keeper is pictured exhibited exactly how you socialize a dingo puppy to make it a domestic dog. Some breeds require more effort than others in this regard (think: wolf, rottweiller, etc.), but dingoes will bond very strongly with humans if given the opportunity.

Cost of living debate

2010-07-22T03:27:00.002+12:00

The NZH continues to offer "analysis lite" on this issue, which is actually critically important to every New Zealander's standard of living. Further importance stems from the forthcoming GST rise, about which New Zealanders seem entirely nonchalant - unlike Canadians, who tend to go apoplectic at any increase in consumption taxes.

The Auckland cafe-proprietor quoted in the NZH article claims "Milk had gone up 50 per cent, labour costs had also increased and the price of coffee beans had reached a 12-year high on the New York Futures Exchange."

Two days ago I bought 4L of milk at Safeway here in Canada for $3.99 (and it's GST exempt). That's the same price I paid six years ago. Petrol ("gas") is $0.85/L (again, much the same as it was six years ago). And I can buy a kilogram of acceptable coffee beans for $11 (although higher quality, or fair trade, beans are considerably more expensive).

Monkeys set to inflict heavy losses on NATO troops

2010-07-20T06:06:00.006+12:00

Bananas to replace opium poppies as Afghanistan's most valuable crop. Soldiers everywhere will fear the monkeys' large canines, lack of social conscience, and deadly aim. Some will, as a result, pull carefully-folded US flags from their pockets.

New Zealanders in the NRL 2010

2010-07-07T09:44:00.009+12:00

In what is starting to become a bit of an annual post here's the NZers in the NRL that I know of. Qualification is that they were born in NZ, have played in NZ or are eligible. There's the odd exception but it's about right.

95 on this list.

Canberra Raiders (2)
Bronson Harrison (b Auckland)
Drury Low

Canterbury Bulldogs (5)
Bryson Goodwin (b NSW)
Dene Halatau (b Invercargill)
Ben Roberts (b Sydney)
Tim Winitana (b Wellington)
Junior Tia-Kilifi (b. NZ)

Cronulla Sharks (2)
Luke Covell (b Queensland)
Taulima Tautai (b Sydney)

Wests Tigers (7)
Jason Cayless (b Sydney)
Geoff Daniela (b Auckland)
Benji Marshall (b Whakatane)
Junior Moors (b Auckland)
Jason Schirnack (b Te Aroha)
Taniela Tuiaki (b Auckland)
Tame Tupou (b Auckland)

North Queensland Cowboys (6)
Isaac Ah Mau (b Auckland)
Leeson Ah Mau (b Auckland)
Steve Rapira (b Hamilton)
Arana Taumata (b Wellington)
James Tamou (b Palmerston North)
Will Tupou (b Auckland)

Brisbane Broncos (5)
Josh Hoffman (b Queensland)
Alex Glenn (b Auckland)
Tim Natusch (b PNG)
Ben Te'o (b Auckland)
Antonio Winterstein (b Auckland)

Gold Coast Titans (4)
Aaron Cannings (b Auckland)
Clinton Toopi (b Stratford)
Sam Tagataese (b Wellington)
Joseph Tomane (b Wellington)

Newcastle Knights (6)
Marvin Karawana (b Wainuiomata)
Cooper Vuna (b Auckland)
Zeb Taia (b NSW)
Junior Sau
Constantine Mika (b Auckland)
Evarn Tuimavave (b Auckland)

Manly Sea Eagles (5)
Kieran Foran (b Auckland)
Joe Guluvao (b Auckland)
Steve Matai (b Auckland)
Terence Seu Seu (b Auckland)
Dean Whare

Penrith Panthers (6)
Frank Puletua (b Auckland)
Frank Pritchard (b Sydney)
Joseph Paulo (b Auckland)
Sam McKendry (b Dargaville)
Daniel Penese (b NZ)
Masada Iosefa

Sydney Roosters (6)
Liam Foran (b Auckland)
Shaun Kenny-Dowall (b Brisbane)
Mose Masoe (b NZ)
Frank Paul Nu'uausala (b Auckland)
Sam Perrett (b Auckland)
Jared Warea-Hargreaves (b Rotorua)

NZ Warriors (15)
Jerome Ropati (b Auckland)
Manu Vatuvei (b Auckland)
Kevin Locke (b Auckland)
Lance Hohaia (b Hamilton)
Sam Rapira (b Hamilton)
Russell Packer (b Foxton)
Ben Matulino (b Wellington)
Isaac John (b Tokoroa)
Patrick Ah Van (b Auckland)
Aaron Heremaia (b Perth)
Lewis Brown (b Christchurch)
Sione Luisi (b Auckland)
Simon Mannering (b Napier)
Mataupu Poching (b Auckland)
Jesse Royal (b Waikato)

St George/Illawarra (8)
Jason Nightingale (b Sydney)
Nathan Fien (b Queensland)
Junior Paulo (b Auckland)
Jeremy Smith (b Christchurch)
Ricky Thorby (b Foxton)
Kyle Stanley (b NSW)
Bronx Goodwin (b NSW)
Kailifa Faifai-Loa

Melbourne Storm (9)
Adam Blair (b Whangarei)
Jesse Bromwich (b Auckland)
Hohepa Cahill (b Napier)
Matthew Duffie (b Christchchurch)
William Isa (b Auckland)
Jeff Lima (b Auckland)
Sika Manu (b Lower Hutt)
Kevin Proctor
Chase Stanley (b Sydney)

Parramatta Eels (4)
Nathan Cayless (b Sydney)
Fuifui Moimoi (b Tonga)
Krisnan Inu (b Auckland)
Justin Horo (b Auckland)

South Sydney Rabbitohs (5)
Issac Luke (b Hawera)
Roy Asotasi (b Auckland)
Eddy Pettybourne (b Christchurch)
Fetuli Talanoa (b Auckland)
Junior Vai Vai

Free Porn

2010-06-10T17:59:00.002+12:00

Since Shane Jones paid for these porno's on our dime I fail to see why we can't all watch them since we paid for them.

nrl tips

2010-06-10T17:07:00.002+12:00

NRL will basically disappear from my TV screen in the next few weeks with rugby tests and football WC on.

Titans v Sea Eagles
Titans by 6
The Titans have been absolute bollocks lately which is exactly what I thought would happen to them but they held it off a while. They have a decent team though and need to bounce back. So start bouncing boys.

Cowboys v Raiders
Cowboys by 6
The Cowboys have a decent team on paper but are having a shithouse season. The Raiders have been winning on the road and struggling a bit at home so god knows what'll happen here. Cowboys in a desperate pick.

Knights v Warriors
Knights by 4
I think the Warriors might sneak this but if I tip them they'll fuck up so I'm doing this for you guys!! PS. lose this match and their season is eff you see kay eee dee.

Broncos v Rabbitohs
Rabbitohs by 4
The bunnies are a bit of an irresistable force at the moment. The Broncos have also manned up with a very young team and deserve a lot of credit. They seem like they will escape the cellar and make the playoffs once again. But without Thaiday, Folau and Lockyer it's struggle street.

Storm v RoostersStorm by 10
By this stage I should be 0-4 and thankfully it's an easy one. Or is it? Storm missing origin players and the Roosters had the blueprint for how to beat them on display last week. Headbutt's and other filth for 80 minutes. It's all legit now, the NRL judiciary rewrote the rules so look out for steelcage matches at a ground near you in 2011.

New Zealand has had a vasectomy

2010-06-01T09:37:00.003+12:00

Prime Minister John Key surprised the Press Gallery with an announcement today that he had ordered a vasectomy for the country, after concluding that its population was just too dumb to reproduce, having yet again voted his party into power. In the silence that followed, Mr Key elaborated, saying that the steady hand of Muzza McCully had "fixed the problem once and for all", sparing the nation's manhood the indignity of rough treatment at the hands of "Crusher Collins" or "that idiot woman from Rotorua who dresses like a caricature of a Westie."

And the "talk is cheap" award goes to...

2010-05-20T05:21:00.002+12:00

... Hone Harawira, for correctly identifying the forthcoming budget as an attack on the poor, but then saying he'll vote for it anyway. He even goes so far as to admit that he is speaking out "because Maori Party supporters would expect it". Perhaps those supporters will also expect him not to walk through the "Ayes" lobby. Y'know, to do something meaningful beyond the usual yapping.

But perhaps Hone knows those supporters will remember his rhetoric, not his completely contradictory actions, come the next election.

Time to grow some balls, big mouth.

And you thought you were having a bad day

2010-05-14T11:03:00.003+12:00

Spare a thought for this poor bastard:

Katipo bites skinny-dipping tourist

A venomous katipo spider bite on his penis was the high price a tourist paid for a skinny-dip at a Northland beach.

The 22-year-old Canadian left his clothes in the sand dunes while he went for his nude swim and slept on his return, according to a report on the case in today's online NZ Medical Journal.

"He woke to find his penis swollen and painful with a red mark on the shaft suggestive of a bite. He rapidly developed generalised muscle pains, fever, headache, photophobia [light sensitivity] and vomiting," wrote Dr Nigel Harrison and colleagues who treated him at Dargaville and Whangarei hospitals.

By the time the man reached Dargaville Hospital, his penis was severely swollen, his blood pressure was up and his heart beat racing.

Chest pain and other symptoms developed the next morning and it was presumed he had been bitten by a katipo. He was treated with anti-venom medicine and rapidly improved.

However, heart problems persisted and he was treated at Whangarei Hospital and Auckland Hospital before returning to Canada.

Katipo spiders are known to have a highly specialised habitat in New Zealand sand dunes and will bite only rarely, and in defence.

This was the first known case of myocarditis, or heart inflammation, caused by a bite, Dr Harrison said.

A prompt diagnosis and the use of anti-venom resulted in a good outcome for the tourist, he said.

Speaky the Engrishy?

2010-05-06T23:24:00.004+12:00

Funny how the two daughters have different surnames. That's cos the fuck faces who did the reporting can't listen properly.

Police have named the three women found dead in a Christchurch home. They were Sung Eun Cho, 43, and her daughters Yeon Jae Bark (known as Holly), 17, and Yeon Sue Baek (known as Kelly), 13.

http://www.nzherald.co.nz/nz/news/article.cfm?c_id=1&objectid=10643143

'Bark" and "Baek" is actually either .... "Park" or "Baek". One or the other but certainly not both.

Unless anybody else out there knows of two daughters born to the same mother and father who have different surnames then NZ Herald can sort their shit out. And while you're at at work out what the first and last names are. The mothers name and daughters names are all in different formats with first names last and last names first. Next time I see honky names in print maybe they could read "famed author Smith Harry was seen walking hand in hand with Wendy Rumpshaker, following her divorce with Williams Bob". And then we can all join hand in hand in speaking gibberish and shit house reporting in supposedly our main daily newspaper which if printed off the net should go straight down the toilet bowl after rubbing viciously across your shit covered arse hole.

RIP Family.

Sorry Boys

2010-04-22T20:13:00.001+12:00

You have to go back and do a floor suck.

NRL - week 7

2010-04-21T20:11:00.001+12:00

This weekend shall be known as the weekend of the shit STORM.

Bulldogs v Broncos
Bulldogs by 8
After a renewed performance from the Dogs last week you'd think they might have woken up. But then again they followed up a 60 point win with a horrible effort so who the flup knows. At least one of these ordinary sides will get two points though.

Cowboys v Eels
Cowboys by 2
After the Eels get half their forward pack sinbinned for nothing they'll be in trouble. I don't know why I am tipping the Cowboys when they don't have Thurston and are up against a resurgent Eels but this comp has taught me to expect the ridiculous.

Panthers v Tigers
Panthers by 8
This Panthers side is in seriously good form at the moment. They aren't 2nd on the ladder for no reason. They should get a decent crowd and ride the wave to another good victory.

Sharks v Knights
Sharks by 4
Yeah I know, what the hell am I doing? But the Knights have fallen away from their good start, and, yeah, what the hell and I doing?

Raiders v Rabbitohs
Raiders by 6
After a couple of rank performances by the Raiders they will need to produce something or you can through them in the 2010 scrapheap. The Rabbitohs will keep it close the whole way but the home town heroes will prevail.

Dragons v Roosters
Dragons by 12
Since you can't hope for both teams to lose I'll just stare at the Roosters the whole game and enjoy them losing and forget about the other side.

Storm v Warriors
Storm to not get any comp points
Either way I must get this pick right. You cheating pricks.

Sea Eagles v Titans
Sea Eagles by 4
The birdies are flying high, playing the solid type of football you expect a Hasler coached team to produce. Given the Titans are always competitive this should be a hell of a match and another good one on a Monday night.

An ideal place for a U-turn

2010-04-20T05:06:00.006+12:00

You know, on the brow of a hill with effectively zero visibility in one direction. The cops will have a hard time talking their way out of this one, and the usual "we had only just started the chase, m'lord" excuse isn't going to cut it. I would say "throw the book at the bastard," but the cops are a law unto themselves on this kind of thing. And it's by no means an isolated incident: but rather the 5th such police-induced incident in four years.

NRL Week 6

2010-04-15T08:46:00.001+12:00

Tigers v Bulldogs
Tigers by 10
The Tigers are one of the only teams round that are showing form, well the Bulldogs are as well, just a different kind of form. Shit form shall we say. They just don't look like a very good side most weeks and long may it continue.

Titans v Dragons
Dragons by 2
They keep on winning and they keep on playing home games where they are usually hard to beat. They have a 5 loss, one win record v the Dragons but had their one win last year at home so, flip a coin and it says Dragons.

Knights v CowboysKnights by 4
The Knights looked very promising at the start but maybe they hit the ground running while others started at a jog and have now caught up. Whatever the case they have to snap a 4 game losing streak this weekend or they are staring down the barrell of a long, unsuccessful year.

Roosters v Raiders
Roosters by 10
I checked the stats and it's 15 years (and 13 games) since the Raiders last beat the Roosters in Sydney. So if this streak gets broken this weekend I'm eating chicken for dinner.

Warriors v Panthers
Warriors by 8
A dangerous game because the Warriors may be bringing back some guys who haven't played for a few weeks and there's one thing they say about a winning combination. Also I'll be sitting at the game next to a Panthers supporter so don't freaking well let me down!!!

Broncos v Sharks
Broncos by 14
Two crap sides who are out of form do battle in front of what will be the biggest crowd of the weekend. The Sharks are the gutsier team and flogged the Broncos by 40 points last year but that was at Shark Park and this ain't.

Eels v Rabbitohs
Rabbitohs by 6
The Eels need to start playing like the Rabbits. Forget trying to keep it simple, make some offloads, get the blood pumping and the energy levels into overdrive and play some bloody football. The Rabbits are doing just that at the moment so even though the Eels might click, I can't go with something I haven't seen.

Storm v Sea Eagles
Storm by 8
What the fluck? A big game on a Monday night? The Storm will just roll over the top of them.

Best corporate renaming ... ever

2010-04-10T01:03:00.005+12:00

From the Crafar farms saga:

Last month, the China Jin Hui Mining Corporation (recently renamed Natural Dairy (NZ) Holdings) agreed to purchase the Crafar farms in a billion-dollar deal.

That new name is up there with the NZ Climate Science Coalition and the Institute for Cetacean Research. Mind you, "Crafar farms" is itself a euphemism for "severely mistreating animals while raping the land and poisoning your water."

Random Stats of the Year

2010-04-10T00:12:00.003+12:00

Here's the crowd averages from last year and this year in the Super 14 broken down into where the opposition is from for the NZ sides.

When two NZ teams play each other the average crowd is 16,496.
When a NZ team plays a team from Australia the average crowd is 13,728.
When a NZ team plays a team from South Africa the average crowd is 13,409.

So the idea that more home derby's will attract more interest certainly appears to be true.

It may also help reinvigorate a bit of novelty value to your team playing a side from Australia and South Africa like used to exist.

Long before we realised that the Cheetahs, Lions, Force and Highlanders would be utter rubbish every year and the Stormers, Reds and Chiefs would be rubbish most years, and the Hurricanes would choke every year, and the Blues would be brilliant one year and awful the next three, and the Brumbies would 27 phase their way to success for a few seasons and then fall by the wayside, and the Crusaders would win all the time etc etc.

Time for a change came and went about 4 years ago.

I have an idea

2010-04-09T00:04:00.003+12:00

Anybody who is caught with a child unrestrained in their vehicle or is over the limit with a child in their vehicle immediately forfeits their vehicle. If it's a second offence the vehicle is crushed or sold with the proceeds going to starship hospital.

If you can't fucking drive a car with a kid in it without being pissed or able to belt them in then you don't deserve the right to drive. In fact you barely deserve the right to live regardless of how many fucking times you've done it before.

NRL week 5

2010-04-08T14:24:00.003+12:00

Dragons v Broncos
Dragons by 18
This should be a shallacking. There are two teams that standout in the comp and the Dragons are one of them. The other is not the Broncos. If they did stand out it would be for being crap.

Titans v Storm
Storm by 6
I'll give the Titans some credit, they will easily make the 8 and they are a good side but that's about where it ends. Prince is out and with it any faint sniff they had.

Rabbitohs v Knights
Rabbitohs by 10
The Knights absolutely choked last week and their bright start to the year is starting to wear off. The Rabbitohs are starting to play like they were expected to so should dispatch the Knights. But I wouldn't be betting on it.

Bulldogs v Warriors
Bulldogs by 16
The Warriors are missing their three first choice captains (Mannering, Luck and Price) and their best player (Vatuvei). And they are on the road against a side they often struggle with. Not a shit show.

Cowboys v Tigers
Tigers by 6
When the Tigers get their tails up they seem like an unstoppable force. At some point though they will find themselves in a hole that they just can't get out of. I hope it isn't this week cos I'm tipping the bastards.

Sea Eagles v Sharks
Sea Eagles by 20
Yeah, so the Sharks won but it took an abomination of a performance by the Eels to help them. The Sea Eagles are going to hammer the shit out of them.

Panthers v Roosters
Panthers by 6
This is a hard one to pick. Both teams coming off the back of good performances last week. The Roosters have a 23 win 16 loss record at Panther Park but I just wonder about them and think the Panthers might crawl over the line.

Eels v Raiders
Eels by 10
Boy this will be the longest wait for redemption of all time for the Eels. They would have come off againstt he Sharks and wanted to play the next night. They were a disgrace, they fired no shots, appeared disinterested expecting the victory to just happen. The Raiders should face the backlash.

NRL week 4 picks

2010-04-01T16:58:00.003+13:00

A supa dupa performance from the Warriors last week. I'd like to see that sort of effort repeated on attack again this weekend so I know it is deliberate rather than a freak effort. There is a Brisbane team in the not too distant past that conceded 48 points v Melbourne (R 13), 44 points v Bulldogs (R 14), 46 points v Sharks (R 15), YES, THE SHARKS!, 44 points v Rabbitohs (R 19) and 56 points v Raiders (R 21).

It may have merely been a return of that side. But at least the style of attack from the Warriors was what we've all been crying out for for close on 13 months.
I nailed the first 5 straight last week and then was diabolically wrong with the rest to finish 5/8 and 16/24 for the season.

Storm v Dragons
Storm by 6
This is a real high powered clash. The Dragons are coming to town to make a statement. I don't know why. Statements get made in the playoffs, not week 4. Storm to shut that shit down anyway.

Roosters v Broncos
Roosters by 10
Both teams gave up last week. The Roosters had a bit more form prior to that though and I expect them to find a little bit of that while the Broncos just look shithouse.

Sharks v Eels
Eels by 12
How could you pick this Sharks team. I picked them last week and I will be surprised if I make that stupid mistake again. They are awful from one side of the field to the other. They have the odd decent player who would go well in other sides but this collection of second rowers masquerading as a football side is an embarrassment to whoever recruited them. And don't fullbacks need to be able to catch that oval thing?

Cowboys v Titans
Cowboys by 8
This might be where the Titans dream changes course. Of course it could be where they get tested for the first time and step up. They've had three easy games, though in saying that the Cowboys aren't up to much themselves. They'll win a seesawing game.

Raiders v Tigers
Tigers by 6
I can't rule out the yo-yo factor here where one Raiders team plays at home one week then a different raiders team shows up on the road. It should be a very entertaining game, with the Tigers class showing through.

Warriors v Sea Eagles
Warriors by 4
A big game for both sides. Warriors can actually say "we are a playoff side" with a win here, while the Sea Eagles can well and truly put their first two weeks of meltdown behind them and get their season well under way with a tricky road assignment. Expect a physical clash that goes right to the wire.

Knights v Panthers
Knights by 8
A tricky one. Both teams are capable on their day but neither can inspire great hope that they'll do what you damn well want them to do. The Knights have won 10 from their last 13 at home though while the Panthers lose two thirds of their away games so that should make the result a little clearer.

Rabbitohs v Bulldogs
Bulldogs by 8
The Rabbits found some form but it was against the Sharks so it doesn't count. The Bulldogs meanwhile found 60 points after two losses and that equals .... momentum that the Rabbits won't be able to stop.

What a bitch

2010-04-01T04:05:00.003+13:00

In a feeble and repugnant effort to defend the predictable impact of National's "tough on crime" (TM) legislative posturing - i.e., no impact whatsoever - the loathsome Judith "Crusher" Collins manages to both lie and try to pass the buck to the previous government. Who said she couldn't walk and chew gum at the same time?

"Why would anybody be surprised when we've inherited nine years of a Labour government, unfortunately no recognition from the previous government that methamphetamine was a problem," she said.

"We have a violent society and it has got more violent over the years and particularly amongst some young people who are unbelievably violent, and we can see it on the attacks on police and the fact that we have had to bring in Tasers," she said.

"We've only just rolled those out."

That would be the same labour government that made methamphetamine a Class A drug, and waged a prolonged "war" on its manufacture and distribution, then? National's subsequent contribution simply forcing people with colds to spread their viruses in doctor's waiting rooms in order to pay $35 for a prescription for effective relief.

And then there's young people of course. Bastards, the lot of them. Nothing a good "taze" won't fix though, eh?

Judith Collins - a bitch in the finest tradition of Jenny Shipley.

And so it goes on

2010-03-27T01:44:00.005+13:00

NZ cricket continues to shit all over itself.

First it allows its captain to basically declare himself chief bowler, batsman, fielder, captain, selector, chief executive, frisbee thrower, boss, capitano, baklan, el cacique experto, el soldado principal, consigliere, and mutha theresa.

And now it allows him to get away with picking a completely and utterly fucking useless third nipple bowler by the name of Jeetan Patel.

Now lets look at this with a degree of seriousness.

Most teams in the history of cricket will choose 4 bowlers. But no, not us. We want to pick 5 bowlers. And this after it's plainly obvious we have fuck all batsmen.

Vettori is picking an off spinner who will get fuck all overs (unless the pitch offers something in which case he will choose to bowl himself, despite the fact that he turns the ball less than Ron Jeremy when he's representing the Missionaries).

But sadly, I haven't even reached the utter joke yet.

We have actually picked Sinclair AGAIN.

This is a miserable git who has been dropped from the NZ team once before.

Whoops, sorry, made a mistake there. He made some runs in domestic cricket and was reselected before being dropped again for a second time.

Oh fuck, that's right, he got a few runs in domestic cricket, the State Shield or whatever it was and was called in again. And was soon after dropped again for the third time.

Ummm, hang on, it's a bit fuzzy but errr, yeah, I remember now, he was called back in again because of his domestic form and fuck me days, scored piss all and was dropped again.

That's amazing. Truly unbeleivable that somebody could fail that many times and yet be recalled that many times.

I guess that's the end for him....

unless.... no!, surely not?

Yes, it's true, he made more runs domestically and was recalled again....

and the result was.... footwork similar to somebody in a bobsled and once again he was....

a) dropped,
b) not required to play again,
c) declared fucking hopeless...

the correct answer was of course a), b) and c)... (everybody's a winner)

and now NZ cricket has decided to give him another chance (yes a 6th - at the time of writing this is world record for any sport that I care about).

Way to go you useless, gutless, cowardly, incompetent, inbred, complete and utter fucking pussy arse bitches.

The sad ass bitches won't pick Kane Williamson because he might get his feelings hurt by the mean Australian bowlers. You know, those future legends of the game, Johnson, Bollinger, Harris and Hauritz. The same guys that couldn't get Darryl Tuffey out in the second innings.

Williamson would have to face them, not Lillee, not Thomson, not Garner, not Marshall.

He isn't on tour in the Caribbean or at the WACA.

It's a one off test in Hamilton.

All you have to say to him is "look, these guys are good bowlers, you are 19 and might struggle a bit but if you fail you can go away and work on any areas they exploit and come back a better player".

But no, we are going to pick Patel to smash them all over the park.

NRL - week 3 2010

2010-03-25T17:26:00.002+13:00

A classy 6 from 8 last week sees me on 11 from 16.

Onwards and upwards...

Tigers v Eels
Tigers by 2
Bit of a head cold here so hope these make sense. It's a bloody lottery anyway. This should be a real beaut to watch if you dislike defence and love beautiful footwork, passing and attacking. I ummed and ahhhhed for several seconds, maybe even like 20 or 30 which must be a record before deciding on the Tigers to have more motivation after a pathetic defensive effort last week.

Dragons v Cowboys
Dragons by 14
The Dragons are hot as hell right now and on home turf v a side that is a bit scratchy at the best of times and away from home they should have no chance.

Panthers v Storm
Storm by 6
The Storm have been absolutely shit with the ball in week 1 and 2 and will need to find a few points because the Panthers at home generally score some. But their defence saved their sorry asses last week and might do enough for them again.

Sea Eagles v Knights
Sea Eagles by 8
The Knights don't look like they'll roll over for anybody at the moment but the Sea Eagles are 0 for 2 and have their first game at home + Des Hasler is ripping dressing room doors off their hinges after 2 losses so I wouldn't want to see what he does after 3.

Titans v Raiders
Titans by 8
Neither team does it for me. The Titans might be 2 and 0 but they are seriously not that flash. Home against the Raiders though this should be a perfect 3 and 0 start.

Broncos v Warriors
Broncos by 14
The Warriors are about to get touched up. They were quite impressive last week but against a Broncos team with a point to prove they are going to get carved up.

Bulldogs v Roosters
Roosters by 6
This is a tight one to tip. The Dogs aren't in good knick at the moment but they've played two hot teams. Unfortunately they are about to play a third.

Sharks v Rabbitohs
Sharks by 2
The Sharks are tantalisingly close to breaking their losing streak. If they aren't going to break it at home v the Bunnies then they may as well go play in the Jersey Flegg for a year.

NRL week 2 - 2010

2010-03-18T17:57:00.001+13:00

A 5 from 8 effort in week 1 which I'll take given the surprising upsets. Onwards and upwards in week 2.

Dragons v Bulldogs
Dragons by 8
I think the Dragons will carry on the form of last week, and so will the Bulldogs (or lack of). And how much are the Dogs going to miss El Masri?

Rabbitohs v Titans
Rabbitohs by 6
The Rabbitohs have to make amends for a god damn awful performance last week. The Titans were lucky to get away with a win and may just struggle a bit to get away with that sort of performance two weeks in a row. I'll call it now, the winner makes the playoffs, the loser doesn't.

Warriors v Sharks
Warriors by 6
The Sharks look a much better side than last year and a win to them wouldn't shock me but the Warriors should win most of their home games and a bit of passion this week will carry them over the line. If they lose this will be one damn long season.

Knights v Storm
Knights by 4
I'm tipping a big upset here. The Storm just did enough last week on the road but I the Knights look to have a better attack than the Storm faced at Shark Park and the home crowd might lift the Knights over the line.

Cowboys v Panthers
Cowboys by 4
They came home with a wet sail against the Broncos and should have too much class in their own joint. The Panthers will be tricky to beat, but not as tricky away from home.

Eels v Sea Eagles
Eels by 4
The Sea Eagles suffered a devastating blow losing weasel face for most of the year and remember how shit they were last year when he was sidelined. I think this game will be tight as hell, but the Sea Eagles confidence should be down and the Eels can't start the year with back to back home losses. Can they? but, but, they were being talked up as favourites! In their dreams they are.

Roosters v Tigers
Roosters by 6
This game should be a doozy. The Roosters were surprisingly impressive against the Bunnies (who played poorly) while the Tigers went through the motions until they sparked late to steal a win. The Roosters will run from the front and hold them off.

Raiders v Broncos
Raiders by 6
The Raiders are usually a bitch to beat at home and the Broncos who will probably roll hot and cold all year might be cold on monday night.

NRL 2010 week 1

2010-03-12T23:23:00.004+13:00

Oh yeah, it's on baby.

I might be intoxicated but this is where it all happens, stacks on the mill and all that shit. Not even Warren Ryan and Phil Gould can wreck the NRL, though they do their best.

Let's GET IT ON!

Sportsfreak is where you can see the competition but those two just make up the numbers (famous last words).

Broncos vs Cowboys
Broncos by 8
“The Broncos came home with a wet sail once Henjak taught them how to concede fewer points than they scored. Maybe they'll keep that going.”

Eels vs Dragons
Eels by 4
Should be a great game to start the year. The Eels may still be depressed after last year's finale but they showed themselves what they were capable of when in the mood. The Dragons will want to make a statement but it's a bit early for them.

Saturday 13th March
Bulldogs vs Knights
Bulldogs by 12
The Knights will need permission for half their team to be allowed out of prison for the day. They've got no chance.”

Panthers vs Raiders
Panthers by 10
No idea how these teams will go this year so I'll go with the home side.

Sharks vs Storm
Storm by 12
Yep. New year, same shit.

Sunday 14th March
Titans vs Warriors
Titans by 8
We might get a glimpse of how much influence Tony Iro has had on the side early and by God I hope it's a big influence, but away in the heat to a decent side is too much in round 1. I do have a funny feeling though that the Titans might slide backwards this year.

Rabbitohs vs Roosters
Rabbitohs by 10
The Rabbits should do this easy. Their forward pack looks beasty, just a matter of seeing if the backs can back them up.

Monday 15th March
Tigers vs Sea Eagles
Tigers by 6
Hopefully Marshall carries on with the more mature and (relatively) injury free football that he played last year and the Tigers set the Sea Eagles off on another 0-4 start to the season.

Royals: a uniquely precious breed

2010-03-12T11:19:00.006+13:00

This New York Times story inadvertently highlights a great deal of what's wrong with monarchies.

The essence of the story, you'll see, is that an eight-year-old girl (let's call her Aiko) claims to have been bullied at an upper-class school, which she is now hesitant to attend. A fairly run-of-the-mill situation, but one that is also unacceptable, and needs to be addressed by school authorities, and possibly parents and other government authorities where necessary.

As one pursues the story further, it is suggested that the "bullying" may be little more than a school "allow[ing] students to run, yell in class and tussle on the playground", or perhaps even that Aiko "was scared after two boys nearly collided with her by accident as they rushed down the hallway to get lunch."

In any case something happened, and it's somewhere in between moderate bullying, and 'slightly-overwrought daughter of slightly-overwrought mother got scared by running boys'.

And it happened in Japan.

Not, you'd suspect, something that needs to be picked up by the NYT half a world away.

But because the eight-year-old in question is "Her Highness Princess Aiko" the rules are different. Why? Well, because, um, she's the daughter of a guy who will probably inherit "the Chrysanthemum Throne" from his father at some point. Not that Aiko herself can, of course, what with being female and all.

Objectively, she's no more nor less interesting than any other eight-year-old Japanese kid. She hasn't saved the whales, or rescued puppies from a burning petrol tanker. She appears to have done nothing remarkable, and neither has her father.

She's newsworthy because she happened to be born into an aristocratic family that used to wield political power, but are now figureheads. In other words, she's not newsworthy at all. She's a kid. Experiencing normal kid problems.

Closer to home, Will Wales-Windsor is a late-20s trainee helicopter pilot from London. If not for an accident of birth, he'd be paying for his own flights to New Zealand, carrying his possessions in his own backpack, and buying his own beers (not nicking John Key's).

The core problem with the monarchy is it makes otherwise normal, reasonably intelligent people turn into fawning idiots, who see the unremarkable offspring of aristocrats as some uniquely precious breed of human, who must be spared life's normal annoyances at all costs, and merit obsequious, scraping behaviour from all who meet them, even those with a democratic mandate to lead, and/or a personal history of actual achievements.

NZH: former Nat MP guilty of 'fiddling'

2010-03-06T08:03:00.003+13:00

...before he's even appeared in court to face the charges. Nice.

I wonder who ratted him out, though? Could it be the long, moderately dark hand of the former MP for Tauraunga?

Yep

2010-03-05T20:44:00.001+13:00

This Aussie cricket team is so cool.

Where are the Tui billboards while these guys are here. They could have a field day.

Key's son: I am not a dump for your penny dreadfuls

2010-02-24T11:06:00.002+13:00

Official Desk of the Son of the Prime Minister

To: All Ministers

Re: Shares

I am not a dumping ground for your shitty fucking shares! I don't want $31 of penny dreadfuls Muzza (and watch yourself at my dad's BBQ next time) - or any other share portfolios that won't even buy me a dozen beers when I turn 16 (assuming I could sell them, which will obviously be difficult, since you can't). It's like I said to Dad when he tried to dump some dodgy stock on me: "Fuck off Dad, I'm not even a fucking capitalist, and I'm going to vote for the fucking Alliance just to teach you a lesson when I'm 18. Now close the fucking door and let me listen to my iPod in peace."

Signed,

Son of John

Let's check the weather

2010-02-18T15:47:00.002+13:00

Oh boy do the Vancouver Olympics have their problems!

We could get into it blow by blow, but instead let's just check the current weather forecast....in the three cities that were biding for the 2010 Olympics:

Today's Conditions:

Vancouver: +12'C sunny.

Salzburg: -2'C light snow

Pyeongchang: -12'C light snow

Good job International Olympic Committee!

Change the Fucking Flag!!!

2010-02-14T00:07:00.003+13:00

If you think we should have a Union Jack on our flag because of some historic ties then I could equally claim that we have some historic ties to Maori for some strange reason and should slap a Maori flag or representation of Maoridom on our flag in another corner.

One would be relevant and worthy of being there. The other not so much.

Next time you're in Wellsford

2010-01-29T08:58:00.005+13:00

Next time you're driving through Wellsford to get somewhere interesting - stop for a minute to throw a brick through the window of the Home and Garden store.

Better still, just shoot the owner in his fucking face.

Man Assaults Beaver

2010-01-26T00:07:00.000+13:00

With straight jab.

Publishing SAS photographs

2010-01-22T05:50:00.003+13:00

The first reaction of desk jockeys like Herald assistant editor John Roughan and Dominion Post editor Bernadette Courtney to government criticism of their decision to publish photographs of SAS members in Afghanistan is: "But how can mere photos place them in any more danger than they are already?"

The answer is in the long hair and beards, rather than the standard issue short back 'n sides, with optional moustache.

Special forces soldiers often grow their hair out in combat zones like this so that when they are engaged in covert op's (i.e., not in uniform) they don't look so much like soldiers and can blend in better.

Apiata without the uniform could almost pass for Taliban and therefore infiltrate easier. (Equally, he could pass as that guy from "300").

Now that his photo has been widely publicized, including on the web, his ability to blend in is compromised, and thus so is his safety and that of the NZ mission.

From Bobert's Cairo Dictionary

2010-01-21T09:18:00.002+13:00

From my current days on the streets of Cairo I offer the novice traveler the following vocabulary:

Tout: a person who solicits business, employment, support, or the like, importunately

Importunately: urgent or persistent solicitation, sometimes annoyingly so.

If it is possible to make it down a city a block without running into a tout acting importunately, then I'm all ears.

Media sycophancy knows no bounds

2010-01-20T07:37:00.006+13:00

The fine tradition of New Zealand's sniffing at the royal pantaloons continues, I see. Led by the media, which blushes at the merest glance from William Wales Windsor or whatever his name his, before reaching for yet another handful of superlatives from the nearest thesaurus.

Other than wearing a woolen cardigan at a BBQ, and being hit in the bollocks by a rugby ball, he's basically just walked around and chatted amiably to people who want to talk to him. Hardly rocket science. Hardly a meaningful contribution to governance of the nation. And due in no way to any achievements on his part, but rather to the pure chance of being born an heir of Betty Windsor - English aristocrat and lifelong state beneficiary.

The Herald waxed lyrical about his crowd-pulling power at the opening of the Supreme Court. An example of "the royal magic", putting paid to "any suggestions the royal family had lost their allure," it gushed, meaninglessly.

The same article went on to note that just 3-4000 were in attendance. That'd be about 2% of the 180,000 residents of Wellington City, or at best 1% of the 400,000 residents of the Wellington Region. Stunning. Moreover, as the story also acknowledges, a substantial proportion of said thronging mass was made up of PSA members, and Republicans, there to protest. Yet we're led to believe the nation practically stood still.

Today, the Herald looks back wistfully on a visit from the "good guy" who - it is noted with approval - continually upstaged the Prime Minister. You know, the guy with a democratic mandate to actually lead the country, someone who is actually a New Zealander and makes decisions that actually affect New Zealanders, for better or worse. And he even lives here now.

If you want to know what's fundamentally wrong with Royalty, here's your answer - Key was apparently happy to be reduced to a lowly presence, and in the best National Party tradition enjoyed some good bowing and scraping in front of an aristocrat:

While Prince William has been the headline act, for Mr Key the prince's visit has meant two days of playing second fiddle.

He was barely noticed by many and had to put up with photographers and the public calling to him to move aside to give them a clear view of the Prince.

He took such treatment in good humour, saying he had no problems with such lowly status while in the presence of royalty.

Fuck that makes me sick. Be a man, John!

Thankfully, the Herald's front-page BS was counter-balanced by a suitably ascerbic contribution from Brian Rudman, who said what needed to be said:

...to see the Governor-General, the Prime Minister and the All Black captain go all giggly over the weekend in the presence of a 27-year-old trainee helicopter pilot because he happens to be the first-born male child of the Queen's first-born male child, was rather demeaning for all involved - including those of us watching the 6pm news.

NO NO

2010-01-19T08:05:00.002+13:00

BBQ'ing in a collar is an automatic disqualification. And wearing a woolen cardigan is just plain dangerous. Try that in West Auckland you're gone!

Outing the outer

2010-01-13T17:12:00.005+13:00

For anyone who has ever wondered where South Park gets its ideas for its brilliantly stereotypical characters from.

I give you:

...

...

Nation to McCully: get fucked

2010-01-12T06:35:00.002+13:00

$100m of public money to spruce up an old fucking wharf that smells of fish guts and seagull shit? No thanks.

New Zealanders are more than capable of creating their own "parties central" in homes, pubs, and so on, in order to watch such heavily hyped match-ups along the lines of Namibia vs Tonga and Georgia vs Wales and the inevitable France vs Australia final.

Today's Puzzle

2010-01-08T22:28:00.001+13:00

NO! YOU connect them! Something my 3 year old would say.

Weather Watch

2010-01-07T09:34:00.005+13:00

Here at bloggingitreal no weather escapes our attention.

With all the bitching from England here's an update from Korea...

Korea recorded its lowest temperatures since 2001, Wednesday, in a cold spell that is expected to continue until next week. The Korea Meteorological Administration (KMA) said it expects Seoul to record minus 14 degrees Celsius Thursday.

According to the KMA, Chulwon in Gwangwon Province, saw the lowest temperature of -26.3 degrees Celsius as morning lows in the capital fell to -13.3 degrees.

The temperature was also the lowest in Seoul since February 2006 when it recorded -14.1 degrees.

The KMA expects the cold weather will continue through the weekend and forecast that temperatures will drop further.

Morning lows in other regions also showed the worst cold snap after nine years; Jecheon, -25.8 degrees; Daegwanryeong, -22.3 degrees; Chungju -21.4 degrees; Suwon -18.6 degrees.

I fondly remember being in Seoul in the early 00's when it reached -18 degrees and we had 25cm of snow. Unfortunately I can't recall being contacted by the Herald or any footage being shown on the NZ news.

Cry me a river

2010-01-07T07:01:00.002+13:00

"Rebecca Gissing is battling temperatures of minus 3C in frozen Manchester and logs on to Facebook to see photos of her family back home in New Zealand looking tanned and having barbecues on the beach," whines The Herald. It's currently -19.7 here in Edmonton, and it's been continuously below -10 for at least a week. And this is pretty mild compared to last year.

Gone, but not forgotten

2010-01-05T04:43:00.002+13:00

Once ya go Black ya Never Go Back

2010-01-05T00:31:00.003+13:00

Is that my first inappropriate comment of 2010?

And This Is Why the SCG Pitch Is Good

2010-01-04T23:04:00.004+13:00

Fuck flat pieces of shit.

Roebuck hits it on the head:

Of course modern batsmen are sooks. Of course, they run the game. Of course it was ridiculous to cancel the contest in Delhi: 93 for 5 is supposed to be a crisis? In the years of drying pitches, it was a promising position. And in those days batsmen did not wear helmets. For decades they wore spiky little gloves. Garry Sobers did not bother with a thigh pad. Were any groundsmen sacked during the recent run-feast posing as a Test series between India and Sri Lanka? Were those featherbeds okay? The message to curators is clear: prepare shirtfronts or pay the penalty. Protect the batsmen. Frustrate the bowlers.

If I had to go out and open the batting on quite literally grass pitches that were covered in dew at 9am on pitches that sloped so bad they made Lords look flatter than a pancake (like the one at Sturges Park in Otahuhu which had a raised hump at one end) then test batsmen can harden the fuck up and expect the ball to do something now and then.

On a related note what's with this ridiculous situation we have in NZ now where play starts at 11am is a joke. That 30 minutes from 10:30 to 11am used to be a real chance for the bowlers each day to snare a wicket. Now they kickoff at 11am so that we have the added shit at the end of the day worrying about bad light and meaning that if any play is lost during the day there is fuck all chance of making it up.

One step forward, two steps back.

Admittedly in world cricket at the moment we are lacking a few bowling stars with the retirement of McGrath and Warne amongst lesser others but for Johnson to be the highest wicket taker comfortably in 2009 with an average of around 28.5 ahead of others in the 30s and 40s says it all. You would never, fucking ever in decades have had the highest test wicket takers in a season average that high. The top wicket takers should be averaging in the low 20s and the top 10 bowlers in a season should all be under 30.

The ICC need to step in and do something about this because ODI cricket and 20/20 were invented so the batsmen could show their blades, test cricket should see wickets tumbling and batsmen having to show some guts to make runs, not 4.5 runs an over day after day as teams rack up 500+ barely breaking a sweat. Excusing NZ that is. We couldn't break 500 in an entire match if we were playing the Parnell womens under 15s.

Silly Names #1

2010-01-03T08:09:00.003+13:00

Why is Speights new low carb beer called "Traverse"?

Traversing is a form of climbing, requiring a large amount of energy. So shouldn't the beer have "twice the carbs of other beers", not "less than half the carbs of regular beers"?

You can trust me to notice the important things.

More sympathy

2010-01-03T07:06:00.006+13:00

As part of our ongoing series offering free financial advice, a couple of stories have caught my eye lately. One case is particularly deserving of sympathy, and the other at least merits serious consideration for contesting a point of principle, but you really have to question the budgeting going on here:

Case 1: A young mother stricken with cancer finds Work & Income unwilling or unable to help her out with the costs of clothing her child. A fucking terrible situation you wouldn't wish on anyone ... but exacerbated by a pre-existing grant from said government agency of $920 "for a fridge and a washing machine." Hmm, I was in the top income tax bracket in Auckland and couldn't afford a new fridge or washing machine after I'd bought a house. So I got them off Trademe for $110 and $75 respectively. And the washing machine is still working fine four years later (touch wood). If working people can't afford new white-ware (not that I was complaining), how can non-working ones expect it? Honestly, there's nothing wrong with second-hand goods - that's what Trademe is for. Find a relative with a van, truck or SUV and you can pick them up for free. By all means the taxpayer should advance the money for secondhand goods, but I see no need for new ones.

Case 2: A beneficiary battles Work and Income through an internal appeals process, and then the courts, over two years regarding a $50 jumper and a $140 pair of shoes, arguing that the cost shouldn't be met through a repayable grant. I admire the balls on the guy, and I see the point of principle he's arguing. But ... later in the article "Act MP Dr Muriel Newman" [sic - that would be long-time former ACT MP Muriel Newman (or perhaps they're actually quoting current ACT MP Heather Roy), these right wing women are all the same eh?] is quoted as saying "People can go to an op shop and get a pair of shoes for $5 and he's definitely chosen not to take that path." And as much as it pains me to say it, she's quite right.

There's plenty of times when I've been working and had to forego luxuries like new clothes, new shoes, and new white-ware. I also had dial-up internet and no cell phone for years. It didn't occur to me to complain about it (much), although I did complain bitterly about having to drink cheap beer.

A sign of things to come for the All Blacks?

2009-12-31T09:26:00.004+13:00

Canada just named its 23-man Olympic Men's Hockey Squad.

That's 23 guys who are likely to be holding a medal of some sort by the end of it all. Including no fewer than 3 goalies, at least one of whom may receive no ice time whatsoever, but is still eligible for the gong.

But I digress.

The interesting thing is that only 2/23 currently play for Canadian-based NHL teams. The remaining 21 turn out for US teams. All things being equal, you'd expect 20% of the players to be based in Canada (as 6/30 NHL teams are), but instead we have 9%. The two are Roberto Luongo (Vancouver Canucks) - probably the second-choice goalie - and Jerome Iginla (Calgary Flames).

Now this would hardly be unusual in, say, international football (it's long been noted that Brazil often fields teams without a single member in the Brazilian league). But surely it's just a matter of time before this applies to the All Blacks, too? With most members drawn from European leagues (where they can earn real currencies like Pounds and Euros), with the remainder scattered across Australia and perhaps South Africa?

Christmas Recipes

2009-12-30T08:39:00.003+13:00

1. Take can of baked beans (any will do, this ain't a promo) and open.

2. Pour into saucepan and place on element (don't worry about the temp, if they burn you leave the burnt ones stuck to the bottom of the saucepan).

3. Place 2 slices of bread into toaster (any bread will do, even stale bread is OK as the cooking process will dry the fuck out of the bread anyway).

4. Butter toast and place on plate (cutting toast at this point or after beginning consumption is optional).

5. Pour hot beans onto toast.

6. Eat.

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year

The only flag we need

2009-12-20T06:26:00.002+13:00

Compliant media trots it out, deux

2009-12-16T09:46:00.002+13:00

And here it is, not a moment too soon, but as sure as the sun rises in the morning:

Surge in Eftpos, credit card purchases up to Christmas

A mere 15 days after Shoppers remain cautious as Christmas approaches.

2010 World Cup Draw

2009-12-05T08:50:00.004+13:00

Bloody hell, that dragged on and I was fast-forwarding through most of it thanks to MYSKY.

Here's the Pools along with the current fifa rankings to give an idea of which pools really are strong. The number on the left is their total ranking points and I've re-sorted them so the toughest pool is top and the weakest pool is at the bottom. It can be a bit deceiving because some names look imposing but the current team isn't so flash and some teams have never done anything but are ranked quite highly.

74 Group H: Spain (1), Switzerland (18), Honduras (38), Chile (17)
83 Group E: Netherlands (3), Denmark (26), Japan (43), Cameroon (11)
84 Group C: England (9), USA (14), Algeria (28), Slovenia (33)
84 Group D: Germany (6), Australia (21), Serbia (20), Ghana (37)
94 Group B: Argentina (8), Nigeria (22), South Korea (52), Greece (12)
107 Group G: Brazil (2), North Korea (84), Côte d'Ivoire (16), Portugal (5)
127 Group A: South Africa (86), Mexico (15), Uruguay (19), France (7)
145 Group F: Italy (4), Paraguay (30), New Zealand (77), Slovakia (34)

So looking at all that NZ is in the weakest group but that's largely because we are in it. In saying that though we have the lowest ranked European team in Slovakia and the 5th ranked South American team with only Honduras ranked lower. We have drawn the current WC champions and they'll probably put 6 past us but they aren't the best side in the world at the moment, ranked 4th.

The best looking group in terms of rankings is Spain, Switzerland, Honduras and Chile which would probably be the least interesting looking group in terms of who the fuck is in it. The current number one ranked team is Spain on the back of an unbeaten qualifying campaign and their Euro 2008 win.

For me the toughest group is Group G where you have 3 teams ranked in the top 16, with Brazil, Portugal and the Ivory Coast up against N Korea. It will be a 3 horse race but those 3 horses are tough as fuck and there's the added fact that N Korea will be beaten to death if they don't get a point somewhere. Not actually true but people will make that joke constantly for the next few months. Provided they put up some respectable efforts they will be allowed back home no probs.

Group A may also be tricky because you have 3 highly ranked sides (France, Uruguay and Mexico) up against the hosts S Africa. S Africa are absolute mud at the moment but with a huge home crowd cheering them on they will grow another leg, plus the ref probably won't be too stiff on them. France would have been stoked to get in that pool but remember what happened in 2002 when they went as reigning champs? No goals in 3 matches and an exit faster than they arrived.

I guess now things will turn to who wants to play who in the warm up matches. I'm sure the NZ officials will be tapping Germany on the shoulder who have drawn Australia. At the last WC in Germany the Brazilians lined up NZ in a warmup game so they could get an idea of the style that they would come up against in the group game v Aussie. So Serbia and Ghana would be other sides who might be interested in playing us. Meanwhile Italy, Paraguay and Slovakia will probably all be asking Aussie for a showdown. Though Italy played us not too long ago and learnt that we aren't as shit as you'd expect. Though still pretty shit.

I'm trying to be sympathetic but seriously

2009-11-27T08:38:00.005+13:00

In todays Herald.

The story of a couple who are barely making ends meet on a combined income of about $50 MORE than my household earns a week.

Their combined incomes of just $933 a week after tax, averaged over the year and excluding overtime, gives them just $33 a week for food, petrol and other living costs after meeting their automatic payments of $1800 a fortnight for the mortgage, rates, insurance, a car loan and hire purchases on a fridge and washing machine.

and it goes on...

Until 2006 they were renting, but the house was damp and Mrs Victory and her daughter Shontelle were constantly sick. When the landlord raised the rent, they applied for a state house.

"They asked, 'Are you on a benefit?' 'No, we both work,"' she said. "'Well, you don't qualify' they said.

"So then we thought about trying to buy our own house and were lucky enough to get a mortgage broker who secured it against my parents' house. We had no deposit. We had huge loans from our wedding. We consolidated the loans into the mortgage."

They bought a modest house in Papatoetoe for $279,000, paying off the mortgage at $1200 a fortnight. The interest rate dropped this year. But they used the difference to take a new loan for a car.

FFS, some free financial advice. Instead of spending $600 a week on your mortgage, sell the house and move into a $400 a week rental giving yourself an extra $850 a month to pay for the shit you are struggling to pay for and to clear some of your debts which are crippling you. Once that's done THEN look at saving a deposit and buying a house. YOU CANNOT AFFORD TO BE HOMEOWNERS IN YOUR CURRENT SITUATION. Join the tens of thousands of others who earn what you earn living in rental properties.

This is coming from someone who earns less than you two but lives in his own home with stay at home mum and child because I'm not carrying round an anchor of stupid debt.

Just say no to puff pastry (oh yes, and Nick Smith)

2009-11-26T06:18:00.003+13:00

National Herald political columnist's puff piece on the abominable Nick Smith had our readers reaching for their vomitories. Instead of stating the obvious - that everything the erratic member for Nelson touches turns to poo, and that he lacks the intellect, the temperament and management skills to be sitting within 500 metres of any Cabinet table, Armstrong heaps on the praise. He's "self-disciplined", "self-confiden[t]" and "slippery". The latter apparently being a good thing.

One of our long-time readers, who wishes to be identified only as a prominent Hawkes Bay bee-keeper - was spluttering with outrage into his morning coffee. The following alternative adjectives were subsequently suggested for this one-time deputy leader of the National Party:

"liar"

"cocksucking little bottom-feeder"

"rat bastard mofo"

"despicable turd"

Now, if you'll excuse me I'm off to read some grown professionals a story about a rat, in the tradition of that nice Mr Key's other star minister, Anne "dullard" Tolley.

Compliant media trots it out

2009-11-24T06:56:00.003+13:00

Yes, you saw it here second: "Shoppers remain cautious as Christmas approaches" bleats the DomPost.

As we have noted in the past, this will inevitably be followed up with: "NZ retailers relieved by last-minute spending spree."

The same thing they say every year, Pinky.

TRY harder

2009-11-23T18:51:00.002+13:00

A statistical analysis of why rugby is fucked to watch.

So far in the NH tour (excluding the horrible Beldisloe test in Tokyo so I can keep it comparable to AB v NH opposition from previous tours) there have been a whopping 3 tries in total from either team in 240 minutes of rugby.

Now I posted here a while back about how awful rugby has been to watch this year since they ditched the by and large decent ELVs and went back to the tried and failed of the past so I won't bother to get into that again but rather serve up a few stats to highlight how awful this shit is to watch (probably why fuck all are bothering to tune in or ever talk about it at work, school or even sports forums where test matches are often passing by with next to no notice).

So here goes
1998 - 4 matches
24 TRIES (6 ave per match)

2000 - 3 matches
20 TRIES (6.7)

2001 - 3 matches
16 TRIES (5.3)

2002 - 3 matches
17 TRIES (5.7)

2004 - 4 matches
30 TRIES (7.5)

2005 - 4 matches
19 TRIES (4.8)

2006 - 4 matches
23 TRIES (5.8)

2008 - 4 matches
12 TRIES (3)

2009 - 3 matches (so far)
3 TRIES (1)

And in the past 7 AB tests in NH tour matches they have not had their tryline crossed. Thats 560 minutes of rugby.

Darth Watch: The horse has bolted!

2009-11-23T07:33:00.003+13:00

Darth's latest offering returns to one of his favourite topics: DOOM! Or is that: GLOOM! Or is that: THE END IS NIGH!

If it's not the bloody Labour Party and political correctness bringing this country to its knees, it's ... [insert dramatic drum roll here to indicate suspense] ... DRUGS!

Well, the illegal ones, anyway.

Opines Darth:

Sure, the police and Customs do their damnedest to stem the flow of illegal substances into this country, but they're obviously fighting a losing battle, and the pot and the P and the coke and the horse still flow like a river.

Darth, "the coke" and "the horse" do not flow freely in New Zealand, by any stretch of the imagination. In that they are both relatively scarce and bloody expensive. Also, no one has called heroin "horse" since you were a pup reporter on the crime beat.

Darth excludes his favoured substance (tobacco) from the list of "murderous" substances because, umm, well, it's umm legal and umm therefore not immoral or umm something.

Nevermind that rational analysis of drug harm by people who actually know their shit (Nutt et al. in the Lancet (2007)) leads alcohol and tobacco to be ranked (considerably) more highly than many illegal recreational drugs, including cannabis (well d'uh), LSD, GHB and Ecstasy. And FYI, George, amphetamine ranks below alcohol but above tobacco in terms of harm.

Nevermind, George is earning his keep this week via a blunderbuss approach to, err, listing social problems.

If the problem is drugs one paragraph, it's violence against children the next, investor rip-offs after that, and race relations (courtesy of a well-known half-brown motherfucker) bringing up the rear.

At which point Garth actually makes an interesting and likely valid point: " his [Harawira's] latest outburst reveals is that there is among many Maori an abiding and malevolent antipathy towards Pakeha, which is far more widespread than we're prepared to acknowledge" - the counterpoint of which is "a corresponding bitter antagonism to Maori on the part of many Pakeha."

But just when you think Ole Smokey might be on to something, he finds he has nothing more to say, and pads out his remaining space with 127 - yes, count 'em, 127 - consecutive words taken verbatim from the King James Bible he always has to hand.

I hope Isaiah is being handsomely reimbursed for such extensive - and entirely irrelevant - borrowing. There's nothing like a trite Bible phrase or two to complete one's weekly literary offering to the nation, followed by a pithy summary from the moustachioed one himself: "Fat chance, but the offer is still open."

True to form!

On a brighter note, doesn't Santa look awesome!?! Nothing like the 75-year-old alcoholic he previously resembled - he's now bright of eye, clear of skin, and confident of beard.

All White Motherfuckers!!!

2009-11-14T22:42:00.002+13:00

Mate, we're off to get screwed sideways in South Africa but at least it'll be us getting screwed sideways and not Bahrain.

No truer words

2009-11-13T07:51:00.002+13:00

Blue not brown

2009-11-06T15:19:00.003+13:00

In a move designed to reassure his party’s traditional voters that the National-led Government is not spinelessly pandering to Maori radicals, Prime Minister John Key has come out swinging at New Zealand’s indigenous population.

Prime Minister John Key has labelled MP Hone Harawira nothing but a golliwog following the Maori Party’s spiteful racist email that was leaked to the media, in which he called New Zealanders of European ancestry “whitemotherf**kers”.

“Oh, Hone is way passed being a mere cheeky-darky this time,” Prime Minister John Key told reporters this morning, “he’s overstepped the boundary I feel it’s time I told a few home truths about our natives.”

“I’d like to reassure mainstream New Zealanders that this government is doing everything in its power to keep on top of the natives; why just last week we introduced a law meaning the Police can now forcibly take the DNA of anyone it even intends to charge,” Mr Key said.

“Without being burdened by the old fashioned notion of having to prove guilt, the Police will be able to intimidate and harass the public, and if you know your stuff, you’ll know you it’ll be the Maoris who will cop this new law the hardest.”

“I’ll go as far as saying I’ll eat my own shit live on television if next year’s crime statistics don’t show that Maori will be disproportionately represented in these figures,” he exclaimed.

“I guess what I’m trying to say is that this is just like Keisha Castle-Hughes who should stick to acting – Maori in New Zealand need to stay out of political affairs and stick to stuff they’re good at like rugby and hakas.

“Just look at our record mainstream New Zealand – there ain’t no Maori seats on the new Auckland council, unemployment figures are through the roof and I can tell you it ain’t currency traders that are out of work, in fact, I’ve got Ministers working around the clock to introduce laws that will hit the poorest (and we know they’re Maori) hardest.”

My Key finished his media interview by saying that he would pop in for a cup of tea with any Mainstream New Zealanders who still felt uneasy – as long as Winston Peters wasn’t there too.

Snout, meet trough

2009-10-30T08:06:00.009+13:00

Hide's partner on $25,000 trip.

"It is very, very hard when you are a minister to maintain a relationship," he said.

I'm sure it is, but I expect some will ask whether taxpayers should be picking up the tab for such "maintenance" - aka sightseeing and a bit of what-have-you with the missus in a five-star hotel room.

Perhaps Mr Hide will be subject to less scrutiny in this regard than Mr Carter, because his partner is (a) a woman and (b) relatively hot.

Moleman could only dream of such things.

NZ Police ban league, soccer, boxing, tae kwon do, judo, karate, and arm-wrestling

2009-10-28T05:51:00.004+13:00

In response to news of drunken Christchurch yokels exercising their right to participate in backyard brawling, Acting Detective Inspector David Long, of the Christchurch police, said people could not consent to being assaulted.

I call bullshit on that one.

Of course you can consent to being assaulted - otherwise contact sports and martial arts would be illegal, or at least rendered impossible by virtue of the frequency of criminal charges being brought against those who, e.g., tackle opposition players, or deliver round-house kicks to the heads of opponents.

Professional rugby union would be exempt from the law, as the idea is avoid the risk of being tackled by an opponent by kicking the ball away as soon as possible.

Come And Get Us, McCain!

2009-10-27T02:47:00.005+13:00

Senator John, "I don't know how to use e-mail" McCain has proposed a bill that would overrule supposed net neutrality.

In between naps, McCain claimed that he did not support government regulation of internet service providers to stop them from censoring and meddling with websites, blogs and internet usage.

What's wrong with corporate censorship of the Internet? For McCain, nothing. His vision is for internet service providers to make money by ousting out competitor advertising, dissent, or anything else that doesn't tow the party-line.

What's alarming is that this comes from a guy who admitted that he can't use email.

What's terrifying is that Senator Sleepy is on Twitter.

It's one thing for an internet-illiterate nincompoop to suggest how literate users should behave, and how they should be regulated.

It's certainly another thing for an internet dummy to be on Twitter. I've been suspicious about Twitter thanks to the sudden, widespread, participation and endorsement out of Hollywood. I mean these Hollywood types tend to jump on the band-wagon for all sorts of stupidity (see: Scientology; The Atkins Diet; HD-DVD; Crystal Pepsi; Fake Tanning; Boob Jobs; Reality TV) So when Twitter came up out of nowhere, and suddenly celebrities are Twittering on the toilet and Tweeting during child birth, I figure that something is up.

Now I know that something is up. To get Senator "I'm can't find the @ symbol" McCain to be on Twitter and for him to endorse corporate censorship of the Internet, makes perfect sense. It's a move to suggest that the wide-spread hybridity of the internet be condensed down to 30 second sound bites.

Now if the U.S. Congress passes this act before passing an act for universal health-care, then that society is truly fucked. But I really doubt that that Internet Freedom Act, or the Twitter Act, will ever come to pass.

For all of their inherent evils, corporations are cunning, and they realize that there is more $$ to be made by allowing the existence of millions of little B.I.R. style blogs, rather than jamming Tweets down our throats.

Once again, John McCain, you are a complete and fucking idiot.

Do us all a favour and go get some rest.

M.I.A. - Bucky Done Gun

2009-10-26T00:59:00.001+13:00

Shoot that Annoying Neighbour.

Smoke if ya got em'.

2009-10-25T00:39:00.001+13:00

$45 well wasted

2009-10-22T07:44:00.003+13:00

Rodney Hide - the devoted Epsom MP who barely bothered to turn up during the last Parliament - is charging people $45 to hear him give a talk directly related to his own portfolio (specifically, "the future of the local government sector"). If anyone in the previous Labour-led government had tried such tomfoolery (verging on a corrupt practice), the right wing blogs and their media allies would have been frothing at the mouth for weeks.

I still recall seeing the orange-skinned, tooth-whitened little freak on Queen St, supporting the truckers' illegal driving in rebellion against user-pays.

Lessons Learned

2009-10-20T16:05:00.002+13:00

In a move designed to soften the domestic and global outrage at their ill-considered homage to Nazi memorabilia at the Auckland War Museum the boys involved have agreed to kill one German each.

The students, a group of immature Auckland Grammar boys born over 60 years after the end of the Second World War, told bloggingitreal that they had no idea just how much shit was going to hit the fan when they jokingly bowed to a Nazi flag.

“You know, we know about the wars and stuff but we were just joking around at the Museum man, we’re, like, 15-years-old and we were just being totally stupid like 15-year-old kids are often likely to be,” one student said.

“We’ve got all these people around the world saying how insensitive and inappropriate we were, but it’s like dude WTF?”

“We didn’t mean to offend anyone – we were just being dicks and the next thing you know the entire world is hearing about our tom foolery and taking it like a grievous insult to their forefathers.”

In agreement with the War Veterans, Auckland Grammar School and the Jewish Council the students have agreed to kill one German each.

“You know, meeting with those old fullas who had actually been to the war, it really brought it home to us what pricks these Germans are,” he said, “and I think it’s made us more mature too.”

“As responsible kids and for Auckland Grammar we want to right our wrongs – we’re going to kill one of those Hun bastards each, which will hopefully prevent them from starting the next world war too,” the student said.

Saturation coverage

2009-10-20T03:52:00.002+13:00

Meddler Key and Aggrandizement Sharples are now proposing a joint TVNZ, MTS and TV3 bid for Forceback 2011. Quoth Te Herald: "The final, semifinals, bronze medal game and the quarterfinals will be live on all three channels."

Right, and what about the 3 million New Zealanders who don't want to watch rugby union, judging by the fact that only 1 million bothered to tune in to watch the All Blacks' (generally unexpected) quarter-final loss to France last time, broadcast free-to-air by TV3 at a reasonable hour on a Sunday morning?

I guess they could always go outside for a walk, or whatever. Christ, isn't it bad enough these poor bastards will be underwriting 2/3rds of the event's losses, currently optimistically estimated at $39 million.

You're a fucking cock, is what you are

2009-10-17T10:50:00.003+13:00

I just walked past a preposterous ass, dressed in an ostentatious wannabe Matrix ankle-length black coat, accessorized by yellow-mirrored ski goggles (by way of context, it's 11 degrees out, and we're nowhere near a skifield). This ensemble was topped off with a ridiculous look-at-me bleached-tip hairstyle. Said tosspot was opining loudly to his plainly-attired chum: "I'm for liberal eugenics, therefore I'm...." Walking by swiftly in the opposite direction, I completed his sentence with what came naturally: "You're a fucking cock, is what you are."

I don't think he heard me, but it felt great to say.

Dubious headline award

2009-10-09T07:43:00.003+13:00

P substitute 'not as good' blurts the Dominion Post.

Yes, what will the poor P-heads do when they have to turn to inferior alternatives like alcohol?

What the story is actually referring to is the inefficacy of phenylephrine in cold- and flu-type drugs, relative to the soon-to-be restricted pseudoephedrine (which is not "P", but rather one of its many ingredients, a point seemingly lost on the sub-editors at the Dom Post). Hint: the "P" stands for "pure methamphetamine" not "pseudoephedrine". Morons.

Well-known pharmacist John Key is quoted as saying that phenylephrine is a "safe and effective alternative" to pseudoephedrine (which is also safe and effective, by most accounts), although there doesn't seem to be a lot of support for that position among, y'know, actual pharmacists.

In a dismal effort to promote balance, the Dom Post story concludes by listing "CRIMES COMMITTED WHILE ON P" - but lists only six. Perhaps they mean "Examples of crimes committed while on P?"

I look forward to the forthcoming expose on "CRIMES COMMITTED WHILE ON ALCOHOL". That well-known inferior alternative.

Legalize!

On being a complete and utter fuckwit

2009-10-04T13:10:00.004+13:00

Major project due at work. Have come into the office for 13 consecutive days. Finally produced the required documents, and subjected them to seven proof-reads (five by myself, one by Mrs_Red, and one by an assistant). And guess what? I'm still finding new fucking mistakes every time I read the fucking things. You'd think I was entirely unfamiliar with the fucking English language and the filling-out of fucking forms.

And now the fucking PDF maker won't even convert my presumably still error-ridden documents from Word to fucking PDFs.

That is all.

Post #1400: Why I don't care for Jacob Oram

2009-09-26T16:18:00.007+12:00

I think I first disliked Jacob Oram when I first saw him play live for the BC's, possibly in Napier in late 2002 (Yamis also in attendance - we both witnessed that rarest of events, Mathew Sinclair scoring an international century).

Here was this beast of a man ... who lumbered in to bowl at little more than a gentle trot, and never seemed to put his back into it.

I quickly got over it. In the end, if a guy can take wickets why should I give a fuck what his action's like? In cricket, this is called the Sri Lankan principle.

And for a while, take wickets he did.

But, over time, Jacob's attitude seemed to soften, and with it his form became less firm than it previously was. The slightest ill-wind would sink his battleship, if you will.

And now there's this 1.98m chump who can muster little more energy than that required for 4 quick overs and a hopeful swish or two.

Too bad about the Champion's Trophy ... Big Jake's services are strangely unavailable!

Look, I know the guy's not terrible when he does take to the field. 'Cos Chuck Z told me so.

Sure, in almost 100 ODI innings he's scored just 1 century and 11 half-centuries, and averaged just 24.40. But hey, his opportunities for big scores would be reduced by coming in late in the middle order (we'll overlook the fact his opportunities for not outs are increased ... oh, and that this year - admittedly in just six innings - he averages just 10.16).

His batting records for 2007 and 2008 are very solid: across 24 innings he managed 8 half-centuries plus his one century (vs Australia), 6 not outs, and an average in the mid-high 40s.

With the ball, he averages about 8 overs & 1 wicket per game over his entire ODI career.

Economy rate of 4.3, and averages 31 runs/wicket.

He hasn't taken 4 or more wickets in an innings since 2005. But still performed reasonably well in both 2007 and 2008.

This year (admittedly in just six innings) he's taken 4 for 220-odd.

So, to conclude:

His record isn't bad by New Zealand standards, and at times he's contributed significantly.

What bothers me about the guy his never-ending list of inexplicable injuries, his apparent unwillingness to play through the most minor of niggles, his inflated sense of self-worth (channelling Mathew Sinclair), his money-grubbing attitude vis-a-vis the Indian T20 comp, his increasingly apparent disregard for the true form of the game (on the basis it requires sustained effort on his part), and his constant whining to the media.

The ELVs

2009-09-24T10:05:00.005+12:00

Last year in the Tri nations under the ELVs there were 43 tries scored. This year under the 'old' ruck rules there were 27 tries scored.

Last year there were 33 penalty goals kicked. This year there were 69 penalty goals kicked (from 86 attempts). I timed some of the penalty attempts in an ANZC match in the weekend and the successful penalties typically took 100-110 seconds from when it was awarded until when the ball was kicked off from halfway. Unsuccessful penalties it was around 80 seconds from the penalty being awarded until the 22m restart. It means that roughly 140 minutes was spent waiting for play to restart after a side elected to kick for goal. That's 19% of the playing time gone just for penalty attempts alone. There were also 19 drop goal attempts in the mix. And then there's scrums which this year were shit as well. Having done some stats on a couple of NPC games you can expect roughly 20% of any given match to be spent waiting for a scrum to deliver the ball into play as though it were a stork delivering a 24 carat baby.

Last year SA would have been awarded free kicks inside their own half and put up, 'up and unders' or tapped and taken a ruck. This year they banged over penalties from inside their own half and won test matches.

I don't know about other people but nothing fucks me off more than a side getting a 50/50 ruck penalty miles away from the try line and profiting by 3 points from it. It has long been a criticism of rugby that it is a game ruled by the whistle and the boot and that was the reason the ELVs were brought into place. There were complaints made that they meant there was more kicking under them which I find hilarious. The South Africans have shown exactly how to play under the old rules. Kick long, kick far and most important of all kick the living shit out of it. The ABs have got into trouble through trying to run the ball out of their own half or stupid chip kicks (which should rightly be a risky strategy). The game as it is now (and always has been) is all about field position. But with professionalism has come professional goal kickers who can kick more accurately over greater distances than previous generations of kickers. SOme of these older kickers could kick them from big distances but they weren't nailing 80, 90+ % of their kicks.

Of the 402 points scored in this years Tri-Nations 44% have come about through tries (includes the try and the conversions) while 56% have come through penalties and a handful of drop goals. Last year there were 386 points scored with 71% scored as a result of tries and 29% as a result of penalties. The difference is phenomenal and purely down to reverting back to the old breakdown rules.

That fairly clearly says that you are more likely now to amass more points and therefore win more games by what sort of field position you can get into and how often you can get the opposition pinged for (usually) breakdown infringements. That is of course something of a skill in itself, sometimes. Most of the time however sides get called for a guess scrum penalty or either team could have been penalised 4 times each at a ruck but in the end the ref rolled the dice and picked whoever he happened to be looking at last.

To me it is just plain wrong that sides can gain a large amount of their points when never realistically threatening the opposition try line.

I have a few ideas as to how they can make the punishment at least fit the crime a little more snugly.

Seeing as how they are unlikely to go back to free kicks for the more minor infringements here's a few...

1) In rugby if you get a penalty but decide to kick for touch and you miss kick the ball and it goes dead it comes all the way back for a scrum. Although I would go further and give the defending team a free kick with scrums banned as an option because they slow things down too much. The same should apply to penalty goal attempts that miss. Forget a 22 drop out. Copy the NFL. The defending team gets to take over possession where you took the missed kick from. An example would be the 60m kick by Steyn in the Hamilton test. Imagine the extra pressure if he misses. NZ gets a free kick 40 metres out from the SA try line.

That to me would encourage teams who have been awarded a penalty 40-60 metres out to kick for an attacking lineout. If they want to shoot for goal they can but they run a risk for chosing to do so. As they get closer to the posts the risk goes down and also they were more deserving of gaining the three points as they were in better field position and were perhaps more likely to score in the first place.

2) A bit more radical but I would make tries worth 6 points and the conversion worth one. That would at least mean an unconverted try is worth the same as two penalties or drop goals. The NFL have got this scoring system worked out properly.

3) A third even more radical option would be to ban all penalty attempts for goal from outside a certain distance (say 40m) or to make penalties worth different amounts. Three points inside 30 metres, two points from there to halfway and just one point beyond that.

The last idea is basically bat shit but I think the first two have legs and may well come in at some point. The first especially as it seems a contradiction that a penalty where the team has kicked for a lineout and its gone dead should come all the way back but the same rule doesn't apply for a shot at goal. The punishment is harsher for a team trying to score a try than one trying to kick a goal.

Corporate scum

2009-09-14T04:49:00.003+12:00

Do I have a corporate ripoff story for you.

Namely, the supply of gas to residential properties here in the self-proclaimed City of Champions.

You'd think that in summer you don't use much gas.

And you'd be right, notwithstanding the fact that our particular house has a gas oven/stove and gas hot water heating.

In June we used $5.40 worth of gas (+5% GST = $5.67)

And in July we used $5.24 worth of gas (+5% GST = $5.50)

Pretty parsimonious by anyone's standards. Two bills I wouldn't mind paying.

But what do both bills actually come to?

June = $50.70
July = $52.00

That's right, to actually get $5 worth of gas supplied to your house costs an additional $45. That's roughly 9 times the value of the gas used, in summer at least.

And just how is this extra $45 made up, you ask?

Well, bear tax of course. And a fuel surcharge. An airport improvement fee. No, I jest, but it would be almost no more ridiculous.

An administration fee ($5.40)
Riders (to feed Jesse and his family, presumably) ($1.00)
Delivery charge fixed ($24.30)
Delivery charge variable ($2.80) - they're carting it in by horse-drawn carriage?
Municipal franchise fee ($9.00) - aka the bear tax
GST (5% on top of all of the above listed)

And that, readers, is what you call a fucking rip off.

2009 Playoffs: Week 1

2009-09-10T18:28:00.003+12:00

Bit easier this week, only 4 to tip. Historically there is at least one upset each week in terms of the lower ranked team tipping over the top side. Last year saw the first time the 1st ranked team (Storm) lost to the 8th ranked team (Warriors). I'm not tipping any upsets though the away team is good enough to win any of them.

Storm v Sea Eagles
Storm by 4
Both teams have been up and down lately with patches of excellent play interspersed with piss poor stuff. The Storm have Inglis back and they are pretty hard to beat at home so I'll tip them in a tight, tough battle.

Titans v Broncos
Titans by 10
I've been dubious about the Titans for quite some time. However I reckon that in front of a soldout home crowd they will look to prove the doubters wrong and touch up a Broncos side which is deep down plain ordinary.

Bulldogs v Knights
Bulldogs by 10
Clearly the most mediocre looking playoff match. A Bulldogs side which has shown less and less of an edge as the year has gone on v a side that could have easily missed the playoffs and nobody would have noticed. Bulldogs to use the home advantage to take care of business.

Dragons v Eels
Dragons by 12
Damn. Would be nice to see the Dragons lose and have to play again next week and I think it will be much tighter but there's probably a reason the Dragons came 1st and the Eels 8th.